I'm Michael.
Nice to meet you, Michael.
I'll be examiner for the driving test.
Ye, sure thing.
Okay. Well, best of luck,
Thank you.
And here are the keys to the death machine.
-Sorry? -Mhm?
Car keys. Keys to the car.
So you're a student, isn't that?
Yes.
Do you got big plans?
Erm, yeah...
Get your own car, mhm?
Get yourself a girl...
*chuckle*
Bring her to make-out point...
*laugh*
She's wearing that red dress that you bought her...
- Alright...? - Ye, ye
You leave the handbrake off, and you start rolling down the hill, and then a truck comes, and...
She's screaming MICHAEL, HELP ME! MICHAEL!
MICHAEL WHY AREN'T YOU DOING SOMETHING?!
SHE'S TRYING TO TAKE THE HIGH HEELS OUT OF HER FACE
AND YOU JUST SIT THERE, LIKE A COWARD!
*crying*
I CAN'T SAVE YOU, I'M TOO SCARED!
Where are we?
Take a right over there.
Just a...
Ehm...
You're a coward. You're a coward. You're a coward...
*sob*
- You're too far out. You're too far out. - Ye, sorry.
BE A MATE!
Why is there so much pain...
Drink it, I'm gonna fail you!
*sobbing*
*emotional song plays*
I could've saved her...
Stop it. Stop it. Stoooop...
*screaming*
Oh God!
Oh-
This is where it happened.
There is too many babies pressed up against the glass that you can't see the road!
Why does nothing work for me, come on!
Do you know what sound a wiper makes when it's wiping babies off the windshield?
I couldn't take it, no. I couldn't take it.
It goes "squeak - WAAAHH" - *sobbing*
- "squeak - WAAAHH" - *sobbing*
*crying*
That's where you hit the amphetamines.
Why does it have to *punches chest repeatedly* hurt so much
Can we go back to the test centre?
No.
Hi, I'm Michael. -Hi, nice to meet you
Uh, yeah. I'm gonna be your examiner for the driving test.
Okay great
Okay. Well, here are the keys to a lifetime of regret.
Sorry?
Hmm?
Car keys keys of the car
Yeah yeah. Okay. Yes
Okay -Okay
So, I'm just gonna get you to take off, just as you would -Yeah
I'm not even here -Okay
Exit here for me
Yeah, here here -Yeah
Here -Yeah
Did you cut out? -No, emm
That's alright, that's okay. -Yeah.
Yeah, we can all make mistakes
*nervous laughter* Yeah
I've made a few
*holding back tears* Just keep going.
This seat is very
Can't get comfortable
Pull in here, pull in.. Just behind.. just behind
Just stop.. stop behind the bushes there
Hey, I'm outside
Yeah, I know what day it is
At least let me see him
Mary. Yeah.. just get..
Fuckin..
Okay, okay
This bitch
Wouldn't let me in wouldn't let me in
*lashing out at the seat belt* Open
It keep going back further It keeps going back further.
Why do they make them like that?
*sobbing helplessly* Will you put it in for me? -Yeah
Thank you
*sobbing some more*
Right here
Right, take off there Go on
Seat belt, seat belt
Have a drink. -No thank you
It's polite
*still sobbing*
You're too far out here. -Ehh, sorry.
You can't do that.
Why do they do that? -I don't know
Why do they not come out?
Hold me
*snoring*
Okay, so take off again like you would normally
Again, I'm not even here. I'm not even here
Hi, I'm Michael -Nice to meet you.
And I'm your driving instructor so best of luck.
And here are the keys to a failed marriage.
Sorry, what?
Hmm?
The..
Keys of the car
So in your own time just take off for me there, please
But as quick as you can though
Oh.. yeah.. umm
Go -Ye..yeah
Okay, just pull in here for me. We'll try some parking
Right, stop
I want you to go straight up here and take a left for me
Doing great
*phone ring*
Hello
Michael did you take my car?
Hello
Michael, I know you're there
Our car
What?
Our car
Michael, that's not what we agreed..
Ah well *he cuts the call*
Haven't eaten in days
Go down second gear for the ramps
Pop quiz hotshot What is the speed limit in a residential zone?
Umm..ehh
You'll have to be quicker than that in the test, you know.. if you're not that quick
30 kilometres an hour
That's sloppy. It's 50.
Come on girl come on. You're gonna do this come on. Let's do it, come on
Ahh, starting to feel like a human being again
*crying* Please.. please.. please
Just go to the end of the road here Okay, nice and slow, all right.
Just nice and slow.
Yeah kill the engine Can you glide in?
She should be at work by now.
What are you doing?
They're my shirts
Give us a hand will you?
What?
Give us a hand
Put it inside
*sobbing*
That's not my shirt
*more sobbing*
Take the three-point turn down here
Jesus Christ, that's her Jesus Christ
What she doing? Tell me
She's going into a house
Which one , which one is it?
Why would she be going into Greg's house?
What's she doing in Greg's house?
Hi, I'm Michael
Nice to meet you
I'm going to be your examiner for the driving test
We're just going to take a left out of the test centre
Okay..
Okay, a right here please
Very good, good indication.
Thank you
Your lights on?
Em.... no
Oh, this is the daytime,
don't have to
*awkward laugh
Trick question
*awkward laugh
So you're just out of university is that right?
Yeah, just finished up.
Engineering
I suppose you're looking for a job now?
Yeah, that would be great
Make a bit of money?
yeah...
Get yourself a sports car!
Gotta pass the test first.
and you bring the lady for a romantic drive...
Okay...
You've got the ring in the glove compartment
Steady on!
She's thinking, maybe today Michael will actually
pop the question?
Because she's wearing that perfume that you like,
The one with the bow on it.
...
And you're so in love, so nervous,
that you don't see the sign
for the mini marathon..
and then all of a sudden she's screaming
Michael...MICHAEL!
Slow down!!
And now there's men and women everywhere,
men dressed as women,
the honey monsters head is rolling down the road!
I'm sorry.
You're too far out here.
eh...
You need to keep it in line
sorry.
There's a white line for a reason.
Watch that now.
We're not off to a good start.
Cars are made by the devil.
A left at the roundabout,
and then off we go again,
Jollyhockeysticks.
I'm hurting as well!
Hold me.
Is it wrong to have a kid just to save your marraige?
Where are we going?
I don't know
Where are we?
*snoring
What the f*ck?