Hey guys, I just wanted to make like a really quick video
and by this I actually mean really quick and not like one of my like 12 minute videos
where I'm like "I'm going to try and make
this under 5 minutes" I will literally make this quick.
...Maybe..!
Today I'm talking about DHT and why I stopped.
Now I made a video months ago about how I was stopping DHT
and how I was going to start pumping instead.
Unfortunately I got so busy and lazy that I just don't want to deal
with pumping right now that I did none of that.
Um, I did stop DHT, and the reason why is going to be explained in this video?
because maybe you what, missed the other video?
I dunno...
So a lot of people have been asking me about DHT
and I still have my blog up and I kind of want
to delete it, but my pictures are on there and people like that,
so I dunno...
Uhm..*Trigger warning* [laughs] by the way!
Uhm, so first of all if you don't know what DHT is
I will link you somewhere here on to what the video is
and some very great links Erm, from my friend
Gender Cube on tumblr who explains everything and
blah blah blah Uhm so I.. [stutters] Oh my God,
*trigger warning* DHT is some gel/cream that you put
on your weiner to make it bigger.
Got it?
- Good.
So I decided to stop DHT months ago uhm because I was
losing my hair too rapidly and I know that its going to happen
eventually because of T, but DHT was making it go
way faster and I was like "Fuck this!
- No way!
- Im not doing this!
- Delete!
- Stop it!
- Stop!"
So I stopped.
So instead I was like "Oh Im going to start pumping!"
Uhhm, but then I didnt and Im in a little, you know,
sometimes my dysphoria goes - comes in and out
and I think thats normal for a lot of people.
Uhmm which I will link you a video about by the way
*[high pitched voice] and then I started to get a little dysphoric!*
about like, my junk area and then I got through these periods
where Im able to not think about it at all.. about.. [clicks tongue]
and Im not able - I dont have to think about bottom surgery,
Im just like.. numbly walking through life without
thinking about the bottom stuff.
But then..
Something happens, or its - it hits me
or I see something online *Trigger warning*
and I start to get really dysphoric again and its really hard for me
So I wasnt able to pump because 1.
Im lazy and didnt want to deal with it uhm because it is
very time consuming and I got really busy with running
and just stuff like that uhm and 2.
because by dysphoria got so bad I couldnt even like handle myself
Uhm, which is half the case right now like Im still really dysphoric,
but Im like OK.
- a little bit.
Its hard to explain.
So yeah so Im off DHT.
Um I..
You know [scoffs] In my transition - am I getting
to 5 minutes yet?
No Im good ok.
In my transition Ive talked about or even in my life how Ive never
I-I-I never want to regret anything.
Right?
So whatever I do I'm not going to regret it,
because I know that at that moment in my life thats what I wanted.
Uhm Thats what I did with T, thats what I did with eveything else
and I know Ive said that that exact same sentence and
those exact words in so many other videos, but its true [breathes deeply]
I dont want to regret being - starting DHT I was on it for like a month.
I dont regret at all, uhm but I do, but I dont, I dont.
I did it, I saw it, Im glad I got it over with
to see what it would do, it was cool because I did grow a little bit,
but my hair is more important to me than my dick size.
Plus uhm after the Philly trans health conference and really [sighs] knowing the
percentage of people who go from metoidioplasty to phalloplasty
uhm kind of really hit me - hard? and I realised that I do want phalloplasty
in the future which is really hard.. to... deal with.
- Really hard.. to even admit because [sighs]
its like I really dont want to have to go through it, but I am SO uncomfortable
it literally feels like I want to peel the skin off of my legs
(sarcastically) its really great feeling.
Good ol' dysphoria!
And people think we choose this life!
Yeah..
Ok?!
Before - before I hit that 5 minute mark thats all I want to say, Im off DHT
Why Im off DHT, why Im not pumping why Im not planning on pumping
in the future erm maybe I will, maybe I wont, but right now I just
I have too much on my mind and transition wise, I dont always like
to talk about trans things - videos are different
- talking about my research is different talking about trans things with myself
in my head about things I go through is so hard for me which I know
sounds ridiculous because that is literally all I ever do is talk about it,
but I dont really talk about it related to ME.
I talk about my own personal examples, but when I actually go in
and tell you about my bottom dysphoria and peeling off my fucking skin
and thats how I feel - I dont actually do that
but it feels like, thats what it feels like.
Uhm, uhm and it g-gets really hard and really dark and I dont want to
have to go back into that dark place because its really not fun to be in
because its really hard to get out.
So Im just going to go out for a run right now [chuckles]
Alright well thats it uhm lets not go down that deep depressing hole.
I hope you have a great week and sorry if I disappointed anybody
Uhm [tuts] err who wanted more DHT results, Im sorry I really wanted to help
but my hair is really more important Im actually on finasteride
and I didnt really want to talk about that in the video yet uhmm finasteride is propecia
just the no name version and you have to cut the 5mg pill into 4
because youre meant to take 1mg but its just too hard to cut it into 5.
Whatever, long story short Ive been on it for like 3, 4 months
I think?
and maybe I will update on that but its - if you dont know what propecia is
or finasteride its pills that help erm hair..
loss.
Not happening!
[scoffs] That English.
have a great week, see you later!