- So let's chat about what men do
when they are just in love with you.
What does your man do?
How does he show up?
What does he say?
What are his behaviors?
Because in relationships, you wanna make sure
that you're investing your time, your energy, your focus,
your love, your heart with someone who is reciprocating.
With someone who is gonna meet you where you are.
So what are the signs that your man is in love with you?
Today we're gonna talk about seven undeniable signs
to help give you that clarity that says, yeah,
this is a man I wanna pour my focus and energy into.
And what I love about each one of these signs
is they're actually behaviors.
They're not just things that he says.
And while that is important
you want a man who can vocalize how he feels
and his emotions for you.
What these are, are his behaviors.
And if you wanna know where a man's intention is
just look at how he's behaving.
If he's hungry, he's in the kitchen getting food.
If he's tired, he's in the bed, he's going to sleep.
Men do not send you mixed messages through their behavior.
So that's the one clear way where you can see
an undeniable sign of how he feels.
So the first behavior is that he makes time for you.
He makes time for you.
In other words, every one of us
we prioritize what matters most.
And the way we prioritize it is investing the one
most limited commodity we have, which is our time.
So the guy who isn't that into you
you're gonna see him talk a good game.
He's gonna talk about how amazing you are
but I've got this big work project.
He's gonna talk about how awesome you are
and how into you he is,
but he's traveling for work this week
and he's just so exhausted.
He's gonna stay home and and just relax.
Or he is got the kids this weekend.
The one thing that you cannot mistake as an undeniable sign
is he is carving out time for you.
In other words, he's pushing off work
he's pushing off the project, he's able to say
I've got my kids, but meet me at this park or whatever.
He's able to create time for you that matters.
And then there's two other elements to this.
Is he giving you prime time or is he giving you crumb time?
Prime time is the nice thing.
Your most socially want to go out and you're choosing
who do I want to go out on my Friday night with,
my Saturday night with, my Sunday afternoons with?
These types of things are primetime.
So is he asking you out for those times
or is it a Tuesday lunch date?
Is it like, oh I could squeeze you in between here or there.
I remember one of my friends hitting up this girl saying,
oh, you know, he had gone on a couple dates with her
and he is like,
"Hey maybe we could meet up on my way to the airport.
I'm got a few, I've got an hour
and we could do a coffee date."
And she texted back, she goes,
"When you could actually take me on a proper date
then I'd be up for it.
But until then, let me know when that happens."
And he was like, "Whooo."
And while he didn't like it at first, he respected it.
And he was like, okay, she's not just gonna take crumb time.
Like she's a woman who deserves prime time.
And so he cleared his schedule
the next moment he had, he took her out
on a proper date on a Friday night and they had a blast.
Another element of time is duration.
So to that point, is he giving you crumb time,
not just of time of day,
but like 30 minutes here, 30 minutes there?
I remember when I was in college
I made a point to myself my senior year
I had had girlfriends kind of leading through college.
And then I said, you know what?
I just want to date.
I wanna date different people.
I wanna explore different things.
And so it was first time in my life
I really gave myself permission
to date multiple people at once.
And I was always up front and honest.
If they asked what was going on
I wasn't trying to tell anyone.
I was trying to be locked down and boyfriend girlfriend.
And I remember asking this one girl out
and I felt like she was beautiful and awesome.
And so she just said, "Hey, let's go out."
And we ended up going out on like this Saturday afternoon
and we walked around Balboa Park and it was really fun.
But I had scheduled another date later on
and I also had to study.
And so after about 90 minutes, I was like, all right,
well I better take you home.
I remember her face was like, what?
What are you talking about,
like we just got out here.
It was like, we're just walking around.
I was like, yeah, but I gotta study.
And I got other things going on and other things lined up.
And she was like, all right.
And she was all disappointed.
And that was a perfect sign of saying,
hey, I wasn't that interested.
I definitely was not in love with this girl
cause I was only willing to dedicate 90 minutes
on an afternoon.
So is your man willing to prioritize time?
Is he willing to give you prime time?
Is he willing to have longer durations?
That's a great sign that man,
this guy is doing that because he loves you
or at least he's highly interested in you.
And the second sign that your man is in love with you
is he's willing to meet your sexual standard.
In other words, if you're the kind of person
that you wanna wait to have sex
until you're in a committed relationship
he's willing to be there with you.
He's willing to delay sex in order to be with you.
Because being in a relationship with you
is way more important to him
than just having sex up front and fast.
And he's not gonna guilt you.
He's not gonna shame you.
He's not gonna try to put all that
make you wrong for wanting that.
He's willing to respect that.
In fact, there was a friend of mine who got together
with this guy and he really wanted sex early on.
And she's like, "Look, I've kind of done that phase.
I'm wanting to create something different for myself now.
I want to really wait and make it special with someone
I'm in a committed relationship with that I'm in love with."
And early on he was like, "Well, come on.
If you love me, you would do this."
He was putting all kinds of pressure on her.
Until finally she said,
"You know what? I'm out. I'm out.
This doesn't feel loving.
This doesn't feel accepting.
And if you want that, there's lots of women
who are ready to go have that with you."
And so they did.
They broke up for a minute
and then eventually he really did love her
and he did want to be with her.
And so they started talking again
and he said, "Look, I was wrong.
I'm sorry for putting that on you.
I'm sorry for putting the pressure on you.
And you wanna wait.
I'll wait as long as you want."
And so they started dating again
and they waited for months and then eventually
they committed and eventually she felt right
and it all felt right
and they were able to engage in a sexual
beautiful relationship with one another.
And that was years ago.
They're still together to this day.
The man who loves you is willing to meet you
at your sexual standard.
The third sign that your man is in love with you
is he tries to connect you
with the most important people in his life.
His friends and his family.
And so he'll organize and orchestrate ways
for you to get together.
He'll want you to meet his mom and dad
or come to a family gathering,
or he'll want to introduce you to his friends
because if you're important to him
he wants you to meet the other people who are important
to him to see if you all gel.
Because eventually he knows
that you all are gonna be hanging out together.
And if things are really, really good
then that's just icing on the cake for him.
I had my moment of this, it was my 30th birthday party.
I had just met my wife Irene a few months prior.
We were long distance.
And so this was a time where I could actually invite her out
and to spend a long weekend, it was my birthday weekend
up in the mountains with a bunch of friends,
my 30th birthday and we had rented this log cabin.
And so my wife shows up and I really liked her.
And it's that moment when you're really hoping, right?
You're really hoping like your friends get along
with this special someone
and they all click and they all hit it off.
Like the worst thing that could happen
is they all get at each other and they're like, dude
I don't know what's up with her.
And so my wife comes in and we're having a good time,
we're bonding and everyone is like getting along with her.
And there's this one moment when a really good
longtime friend of mine who actually helped me
go on the search for America's greatest marriages,
she pulled me to the side and she said, Boggsy,
it's like her little nickname for me.
She was like, "Boggsy, I think she's the one"
Now, I'm only like four months in.
I don't know if she's the one
but I do know I'm falling in love with her.
I do know I want her to like meet all my friends and family.
And so that was such an amazing feeling.
Someone that I was falling in love with
to be able to connect and get that affirmation
from other people that I loved in my life.
It's a beautiful moment.
So when your man starts bringing you into his inner circles
it's a beautiful demonstration
of his depth of feeling for you.
The fourth sign that you're looking for that he loves you
is this feeling like he has to be close to you.
Like you'll notice he just is around you.
He'll come up to you,
he'll hug you out of the blue at a party.
He will seek you, he will find you out,
he'll call you on the phone
and he doesn't have anything to talk about.
Like he just wants to hear your voice.
He just wants to feel close to you
because he feels that pull.
He's in love with you.
He just wants to be around you.
And the ultimate version of this
is if the two of you are long distance,
if the two of you are long distance,
there is this this plan to be together.
Like he's not waiting to create a plan.
He wants to actively seek out when are we gonna be together?
Like who's moving?
How can we make this happen?
Here's a perfect example of this.
There is a friend of mine who she's dating this guy
and they've been kind of long distance off and on.
Lived in the same spot then long distance and lived
and now they're long distance again.
And there's this question mark
about who's moving and when are they moving?
And it was real wobbly there in terms of no plan.
And she correctly assumed, well, hey,
if there's no plan here, then there's a lack of commitment.
There's a lack of intention, there's a lack of love.
Maybe you're not in love with me
in this relationship the same way I'm in love with you.
And so she called it off.
And a few months later he's like, "Hey I really realize
I do love you and I do want to be with you."
And so he got depth, he got clarity
and he got a plan, says, look at this date,
this time I'm gonna move.
I'm gonna give it a shot
and I'm gonna come and live in your area.
So the guy who's just drawn to you
the guy that wants to be close to you
that's the guy who's feeling
that just intense emotion for you.
And the fifth sign for how a man feels about you.
If he's in love with you, he automatically becomes
"captain solves a lot."
Where he's just trying to solve problems for you.
Because when he's in love with you
your pain becomes his pain.
And he does not want to see the woman he loves in pain.
So if you're sick, he's running to the store
to help get you medicine.
If you're having a problem at work
he's bringing a strategy to try to help you solve it.
If you've got a problem with friends and you're feeling down
he's trying to cheer you up and help you feel better.
He's trying to solve problems for you.
Often in a way when you're not even wanting
the problem solved.
You're not even like asking for solves.
And he'll jump in and be like,
"Hey, I've got a strategy and can solve."
And the irony is, this demonstration of love
can actually be the source of fights.
It can actually be the source of conflict
when he's overgiving in this way.
This happened in my relationship of course,
and eventually being married now over a decade
I've learned to ask the question when my wife is in pain,
whether it's emotional pain
because of a friendship is on the rocks
or it's not going on the right path
or she's feeling discouraged about something
or just overwhelmed with life and she's telling me about it,
I've learned to ask this question
and go ahead and teach this to your man
if he doesn't already do it.
'Cause it is genius.
And the question is, do you want to just vent?
Or are you looking for a strategy
or you're looking for help in this moment?
And she'll say, I'm actually looking for a strategy.
I'm looking for help.
And I'll be like, okay, let me share what I would do.
Or you know what, I'm just looking to vent.
And I'm like, okay, let me just sit back
and receive and that moment is beautiful.
But know this.
The man who loves you is willing to sit back, receive
or he is willing to give you the strategy.
You're gonna see him naturally lean in in that way.
And the sixth sign that your man is in love with you
is his willingness to grow.
His willingness to meet you where you are.
So if you are on a path of growth.
Let's say you wanna start eating healthy
and going to the gym, he's like,
"All right, I'm in with you."
Like, let's do this together.
You both start eating well and going to the gym.
You wanna wake up early and do journaling and meditation?
He's like, "Let me join you."
You're on a growth path together.
Why? 'Cause he doesn't want to be left behind
and lose the woman that he loves.
You're going to a seminar, he wants to participate,
he wants to learn, he wants to have those connection points
things to talk about with you.
Because ultimately he wants to be the man
that you want in that relationship.
Now, this last one is a bit counterintuitive.
And the seventh sign
that this man loves you is he is willing to fight
for the relationship by fighting with you.
And here's what I mean.
You may think, well, if we're fighting
that's not a good sign.
If we're fighting, then that means we're not getting along.
We're not on the same page.
But here's what research has shown
about people who are willing to fight.
The most dangerous sign in a relationship
is when you stop fighting altogether.
In other words, you get into disagreements
but you're not willing to fight
because the relationship isn't worth it.
He's not willing to put in the energy
to try to get back on the same page.
That is the sign of a relationship that's headed for death.
A relationship that's headed for the end.
But the man who is willing to engage in a healthy argument,
a healthy discussion or a healthy debate is debating
because he wants the two of you to be on the same page
at the end of the day.
He either wants you to agree with him or he's gonna try to,
you're gonna try to make him agree with you
or whatever it is.
But the two of you want each other to be on the same page.
Why? Because closeness and connectedness matters
to you because you love each other.
You don't want to be on different pages
with someone that you love.
In fact, John Gottman did this whole research study
that there's different kinds of healthy relationships.
And one of the healthy versions of a relationship
are couples who value a healthy debate,
value an argument that can actually
invigorate the relationship.
And so if you can hold in the back of your mind
when you're arguing with your man
or you're frustrated and the two of you
feel like you're miles apart, but he's engaging
say that in the back of your mind,
oh, but he's engaging and that engagement is a sign
of his love for me and his love for this relationship.
We might not like each other right now.
We might be on different pages right now
but we love each other and we love this relationship
because we're willing to engage.
That is a beautiful sign
of love and care in the relationship.
My question for you is what are your signs?
When you really love a man, you are in love with him.
What shows up for you?
What are your behaviors?
What are those signs?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
This is gonna be great to check that out.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(bright music)