I wish someone else responsible was at this party.
Where's Freddie when you need him?
Who's ready to get drunk?
This is all for the Sunshine Girls?
Nope.
♪ Millicent's Minions ♪
We started our own business to outsell the Sunshine Girls.
We're bonding. She even called me the D-word.
"Dumbass"?
No, "dad". We're really connecting!
This isn't gonna be awkward with us sharing a room, is it?
Why would it be?
[romantic music playing]
This isn't the party suite.
No, it is.
Party of two, an intimate experience for lovers in love.
Wow, comes with a couple's massage
with five flavors of lotion.
I just wish I got to make out with someone, too.
Ding-dong.
I might be able to help you with that.
You know, it took me a minute, but I think I finally get
what you two have been trying to tell me.
The honeymoon suite, the massage,
Harper conveniently not being able to come at the last minute.
Not to mention the obvious sexual tension
between me and Carly.
The which what?
You want Hot Mess Brooke for a hot messy threesome.
- Oh, I don't think-- - Let's hear the woman out.
Are you saying that I'm your girlfriend?
Does this answer your question?
- Not really, I mean... - How about this?
[honking]
Damn it, Nonna, stop salting my game.
George, the bra that told ghost stories.
I never did grow into you.
So you came up with all this stuff
when you were a kid.
Imagine what you can do now.
- And we'll help however we can. - Yeah.
I'm really glad to hear you say that, because...
Ah...
I thought it might still be here.
Damn it.
Oh, maybe you just need some arm candy of your own.
And I have the perfect guy.
Trenton, and he is just your type.
Okay. I'm in.
- [squeaks excited] - Wait...
Is this another one of your man-me-downs?
We...
Never.
Did we...?
No.
I'm 80% sure we didn't.
Fine, but this is why I got you those color-coded Post-it notes.
Don't you think you're taking this a little too personally?
Oh, so I'm guessing you haven't seen that, then?
[distorted voice] This is still iCarly,
but it's grown-up now.
So today I thought I'd share my skin care routine.
What is this hell?
Yo!
Thousands of people saw that live
and they're coming here, like, to actually protest.
Yeah! Well, I'm glad the world
is finally going to take my side.
Oh, no, they're coming to protest you.
Carly, you are so radical!
You started a whole-ass riot.
It's yet to be seen what this will do for sales,
but I'll keep y'all posted.
Oh, crap.
Gamers are putting down their controllers,
foodies are sharpening their knives
and ASMR stans are coming here to yell at you, quietly.
[whispering] Screw you, loser.
I've had haters since I was 12, but this person is relentless.
They make fun of what I wear, what I eat, what I drink.
I'm starting to second-guess everything.
Do you think my walk is funny?
For a bunny or a person?
[sighing] And the worst part is
at the end of all of their comments they say "Do better."
- Ugh. - It's like, "Do better"?
How about you do better?
[chuckling] At least they're not threatening
to break in your bedroom
and braid your hair like that other weirdo.
Yeah, but, in all fairness,
that hair braiding Instagram is quite frankly spectacular.
[chuckling]
Ooh, y'all doing like a furry thing?
- Yep. - No.
Don't worry, I'm not here to kink-shame your fursona.
Ah, vino, the serum of truth.
But we already know every single thing
there is to know about each other.
I faked it.
What? Last night?
All of it, the whole time.
Since I've known you?
Since before that.
I guess that makes me feel a little bit better.
I just couldn't keep lying to you a moment longer.
Please, don't be upset.
I'm more disappointed in myself.
Is there anything I could have done better?
More wiggling? I'm here to listen.
Spencer, I faked my own kidnapping.
Oh, thank God, it's not me, it's you!
Luke, I don't normally do this on the first night,
but should we go somewhere a little more comfortable?
I hope you still respect me after this.
Okay, so in the criminal justice system,
the people are represented
by two separate yet equally important groups, right?
There's the police, who investigate crime,
and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders.
These are their stories.
It's just me, Harper and Brooke.
We're going to have a girls' weekend.
[excited squealing]
Normally, I would remind you that we are women, not girls,
but I plan on drinking a pink margarita in a tiara,
so you're good.
What kind of pink we talking about?
Strawberry? Hibiscus? Pink peppercorn?
What? I've been on tons of girls' trips.
They're way better than guys' trips.
They're organized, they're indoors,
and nobody teases you if you want to drink some rosé.
[laughing]
[both] Rosé!
Is anyone home?
Yeah, we're right here.
Ah, I still can't see!
Too bad, I'm super naked.
No, you're not. I'd know.
Being without sight has heightened my other senses.
I'm completely in tune with my surroundings.
[grunting] Can you help me up?
[sighing] Thank you.
Now listen, this is embarrassing,
but I have forgotten hot eyewash lady's name.
All I need you to do is pretend to be my butler,
dig through her person, look at her driver's license...
Your hands are really soft.
You're not Freddie, are you?
Oh!
I remember now, it's Sarah.
Sarah, hi.
What a funny...
[sighing] Are you there?