Huh?
What?
What is happening this year, man?
This has been the year of underwhelming, disappointing releases.
We're getting lots of stuff with
amazing music, spectacular visuals
but no actual game to back that shit up.
Inside had a really strong story, but it just kinda plays itself.
Same thing with Firewatch.
Great voice acting, great story.
Where's the game?
uh
♪ Uncharted 4 ♪
♪ Where's the game? ♪
♪ Doom 2016 ♪
♪ Found the game ♪
♪ The only problem is every level feels the same ♪
HUH
♪ And they're making KNACK 2 ♪
HUH
♪ Now whatchu gonna do? ♪
HUH
Then you got Mighty Number 9 over here,
sucking bongo dick
where the graphics are worse than the game.
Then you got Far Cry over here,
literally copy and pasting the map from Far Cry 4.
Then you got this early access shit.
Watch this...
Bop.
EA.
See?
What does EA do?
They sell you a game that isn't finished, and then they never finish it.
That's what early access is.
Then you got Recore, okay?
I thought this would be the first must have game for Xbox One.
It's made by the dude who directed Metroid Prime
BUT
Microsoft is involved, which is always bad.
And it's being developed by Comcept
who made Mighty Number 9
AND
they're not giving out review copies.
Which - last game to do that was
No Man's Sky.
So...
God damn,
is that the unholy trinity of video game making.
But the demo I played at PAX last week was actually a lot of fun.
The odds are completely stacked against it,
but Recore just might be a jam.
It comes out tomorrow.
Uh, what else is there...
Uh...
Nintendo!
Fuck you, Nintendo.
I mean, I gotta pay respect.
Not a single developer even comes close to how many classic titles Nintendo has put out.
But wake the fuck up, Nintendo.
Why are you taking money directly from Youtubers who give you free advertising?
Why are you making another Sticker Star that nobody wants?
Why, when you do a system update, do you need to use the gamepad?
Why, uh, can't you navigate the Wii menu with the Gamecube controller?
"Why" a lot of things.
Uh.
Why did I bring up Nintendo?
Uh, PAX.
Ooh, PAX!
I love PAX.
It's really the only time where I can walk among my own people, y'know?
Everyone there loves games, and I love that stark contrast
between the big commercial stuff and the indie games.
Something like Gears 4 is gonna take up a huge space on the floor.
There's gonna be like a three hour line to play it
with a big ass statue of Marcus Fenix over there.
And then there's one asshole who doesn't even work for Microsoft representing the game.
Meanwhile, you have the little indie booths where you can just go play right away
and the developers are standing right there for to talk to while you play it
I played a lot of stuff.
Inverses was a lot of fun.
A little multiplayer shooter where you have to capture your own terrain by shooting it.
Uh, Space Goats.
No.
Goat Punks.
Yeah, you jump around a little hill as goats and shoot each others' off with missiles.
Uh...
Deformers.
You play as a little squishy chicken ball.
Or is that a cow?
And you ram into each other.
That's a lot of fun.
Gotta play Flint Hook.
Gotta play Pit People.
Mirage, from the dudes who made Chivalry.
Most of the time I was just team killing this little kid next to me.
He was yelling, he was gettin' really mad.
So that was awesome.
I gotta say, the two games that really stood out for me, though,
was
Space Goat...
No.
MekaZoo.
MekaZoo, I gotta admit, the graphics aren't all that impressive.
But hey, remember Splosion Man?
That game looked like crap, but it was still an amazing game.
That's the vibe I'm getting from MekaZoo.
These guys have a great understanding of what makes platforming fun.
The weight and the momentum is just right.
And what's cool about it is that you have to turn into different animals on a dime.
to get through the levels.
Like, you jump up as a kangaroo, hit Y,
turn into a frog, swing off of a little vine,
hit bumper, turn into a fucking llama, slide under a rock
It's really fast.
It's really fluid.
It's challenging.
Uh, I think there's a lot of potential in MekaZoo.
And then my number one favorite game from PAX -
Leah found this one -
Owlboy, baby.
HaHA!
We actually got to talk to three of the developers while we were playing Owlboy,
which gave me a much stronger impression of the game and where these guys are coming from.
They've been working on this for 8 or 9 years now.
And from what I've played, it was worth it, man.
The sprites are beautifully animated. Super detailed.
The thing about it is that Owlboy can't actually punch or shoot.
All he can do is fly around, like a little bitch.
But, he CAN pick up this little guy with a gun who can shoot stuff.
I'm telling you guys, I have a good feeling about this Owlboy.
It's super polished, and it just feels like something new.
Something fresh that we haven't seen a hundred times over.
Uh. What else?
Zelda: Breath of the Wild!
Oh my god, you guys!
Oh my god, this game looks amazing!
It's - it looks so - it looks so fun!
It wasn't at PAX.
[clears throat]
Was it, Nintendo?
You didn't bring it to PAX, even though you had a playable
FULLY playable demo at E3.
Wasn't at PAX.
You fucking fffucking Nintendo piece of shit.
Which brings me to the conclusion
that Nintendo is run
by Shark Tale, ladies and gentlemen.
Just a DVD copy of Shark Tale sitting in a chair.