I have so nice to be here the news is
pretty depressing lately so to lighten
the mood I started watching true crime I
feel bad for the amount of true crime
that I consume but to be fair women we
don't watch true crime technically we
study it to make sure to make sure we
don't end up on it and true crime is
kind of feminist it's the only time the
entertainment industry will take a
chance on an unknown female lead you've
all seen making a murderer if you
haven't it's a documentary about how a
woman's death made so much money for
Netflix and then the podcasts their
serial my favorite murder missing and
murdered up and vanished wine and crime
white wine true crime true crime brewery
true crime all the time what the crime
crime town crime junkie cold case killer
instincts to live and die in LA someone
knows something man in the window body
the more
shotgun fracture crime drunk women
solving crime which I'm actually on
pretty cool these are just a couple this
American death doesn't exist yet but
that's gonna be my retirement plan
because true crime makes so much money
it's a great business model for one you
don't have to pay residuals dead women
are way less difficult on set have any
of you ever worked with a live woman oh
my god so entitled here's my impression
of a live woman breathing it's just like
[Music]
true crime is quickly becoming one of
America's leading exports in late stage
capitalism all the manufacturing jobs
are going overseas but dead women dead
women are the one thing we still make in
America I didn't realize how obsessed
America was with dead white women in
particular until it occurred to me that
Ted Bundy has to Netflix specials and
yeah I'm jealous I don't know if you've
seen the Ted Bundy tapes I keep wanting
to call them the Ted Bundy mix tapes
something about the graphic design it's
just so 70s so retro it almost it's like
they want to make you nostalgic for an
era when men could just murder women and
get away with it because there was no
Google Earth and then
the scripted movie on Netflix starring
Zac Efron written and directed by men
where they made the craziest person in
that movie Carol Ann Boone the woman who
dated Ted Bundy while he was in prison
they made Carol look so much crazier
than a man who murdered 30 people and I
was watching that thinking Carol Ann is
not crazy she's just a woman dating in
her 30s Carol Ann's crazy Carol Ann's
crazy really what does that say about
all the men outside of prison she would
have dated but Ted Bundy was nicer to
her Carol Ann care bear just wanted to
meet a guy who wasn't gonna ghost her
after she slept with him it's hard to go
someone from jail unless you're Jeff
Epstein he killed himself you guys
the docu-series was even worse because
there was all this archival footage of
Ted Bundy in the courtroom with all the
police officers and Ted was just killing
it that's that's comedian slang for
slaughtering he murdered in that
courtroom he basically slayed he had all
the cops just doubled over in stitches
laughing at not even jokes and the
lights were on and his audience was
giving him way more love and you guys
are giving me for this bit why do I even
try Ted Bundy were alive today he'd be
on his third Netflix special it would be
his apology tour and he'd be traveling
around the country being like when my
friends and I realized it was wrong to
kill women we felt so bad about it also
I didn't appreciate how the cops painted
Ted Bundy as a criminal mastermind
he wasn't a criminal mastermind he was
white and they weren't looking for him
I'm not saying cops are racist just that
maybe cups are as racist as comedians
are funny
not all comedians are funny but if
someone's like I'm a comedian you're
like oh you're probably pretty funny Ted
Bundy also not an evil genius here's how
I know Ted Bundy wasn't that smart he
was a Republican politician in Utah as
he started murdering women and if he
were really ahead of the curve he would
have just stayed the course of politics
risen to the top and then killed so many
more women with his policies picture a
version of the movie sliding doors but
Ted Bundy actually made the Train and
then he's Ted Cruz thank you guys so
much
[Applause]