Okay, the adorable little life-ruiners are finally napping. I'm gonna get so much work done today it makes me sick!
Where's my phone? Where's my phone? Where's my phone? Here's my phone!
Today is gonna be a productive day, yes ma'am, I am a girlboss but not like those multi-level marketing types. I can't believe Gina fell for that like how does she not know it's a scam?
Focus, Laura. You know what, I'm just going to take a quick morning walk then start working.
Hey Stephen, I will be right back!
I though you had a lot of work to get done?
Yeah I know but I want to take my five minutes to fulfill my walk, okay this coat rack is way too crowded we don't even use half this shit.
Go!
I can't believe I've become a suburban mom powerwalking through the suburbs how the fuck did that happen?
Grateful for the sun and the trees and my family and sobriety and my feet even though they keep growing with every child it's absolute bullshit you boat feet ass bitch.
be nice to yourself, I should be working. Why am I walking?
Five minutes of fulfillment, boat feet affirmation time.
I am not a lazy piece of shit. I am not a lazy piece of shit. I have beautiful feet. I am not a lazy piece of shit.
Look at these beautiful flowers! Sad that they're gonna die one day. So am I I'm gonna die one day. I'm gonna die one day.
Drugs, do them! No, don't stay in today. Stay in this moment.
You should Insta-story this moment. Definitely film these flowers and talk about being alive. Yeah, remind people that they're not dead. Do that.
Nah cuz why every time I get on the phone with a girl it's gotta be, 'I just feel like you're not giving me your full attention'
Oh word? Let me show you something shawty.
A-D-H-D
Now I do not give a fuck about that second half, let's just cut that out for now.
Attention. Deficit.
Well I also do not give a fuck to give you the textbook definition of the word deficit, however it is something along the lines of,
I don't fucking have enough to go around!
Therefore, no you do not have my full attention because NOTHING DOES!
Audio: Country Song - Bo Burnham
♬We go to bed, you doze off So I take your country girl clothes off ♬
♬I put my hands on your body It feels like hay, it's a fucking scarecrow again! ♬
Okay people, tomorrow morning 10 AM Santa's coming to town.
SANTA! OH MY GOD!
Audio: What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
You're done. You're done.
Oh god what is that?
it's a leoplurodon, Charlie. Magical leoplurodon that's gonna guide our way to candy mountain.
Alright guys you do know that there's no actual candy mountain right?
Shun the non-believer. shuuuu-
Hey big Al, why do all the people in my life with ADHD have such a weird sense of humor?
Oh that's because we're all super under-stimulated.
What does that even mean?
Imagine that the inside of your brain had an itch that you really couldn't scratch but that itch was actually boredom but that boredom was actually pain.
Oh I see! Yeah that, that helps me none, zero at all and also sounds pretty terrifying.
No, it's really not a big deal you just kind of have to learn to restructure your life around it, including comedy.
Okay so how does it affect the way that you interpret comedy?
So a side effect of under-stimulation is that your brain is constantly and more often than others, uh active.
You're always thinking, you're always analyzing, you're always trying to problem solve.
Because of exactly that normal comedy and normal humor is a bit predictive and doesn't really land with people with ADHD.
So what does land with people with ADHD?
Stark, abrupt, chaos because it cannot be predicted, nor calculated.
Okay so what would that even look like?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Okay, why?
THE FITNESS GRAM PACER TEST IS A-
Having ADHD is really expensive it's pretty much impossible to like quantify how much money it's cost me, so I'll just share the story instead.
So I was in the apple store the other day to pick up a Homepod Mini.
I didn't need that either but I was like, whatever I'll treat myself.
So I'm leaving the apple store, I'm walking back to my car and I see one of those like really expensive sunglasses shops and my brain instantly goes
'Oh remember that time you said you needed some nicer sunglasses because you lost your other ones'
because you know object permanence.
and my brain said back to myself 'yeah I do remember that time, we should go in there' so I walked in there and then like five minutes later walked out and uh somehow
I had three hundred dollars less uh than when I entered the store.
Oh man these lenses really do put things into 80 HDs.
*unintelligible*
Yeah!
Uh, okay?
Wait, what did you say?
I said 'um, okay?'
No, no, before that. I didn't actually hear you.
*unintelligible*
Sorry, what?
I said I really like your new hair!
Oooooh, thanks! Thank you, Thank you.
Audio: Content - Bo Burnham
Audio: Country Song - Bo Burnham
We go to bed, you doze off So I take your country girl clothes off
I put my hands on your body It feels like hay, it's a fucking scarecrow again
People with ADHD are more likely than the average person to have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome.
Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome is when your sleep schedule is delayed by two or more hours.
This used to cause me a lot of issues but then I just stopped scheduling myself for things before 10 AM and started to work night shifts and now it's not a problem anymore.
Audio: Sad Girlz Luv Money Remix
So I had a thought in session with one of my clients today and I just really had to share because I thought it was uh I mean kind of profound.
I mean not to toot my own horn but it just it made so much sense to me and it made so much sense to the client I thought it might be helpful.
I made a tweet about it and basically it's like the neurodivergent specifically ADHD brain even people in the Autism spectrum uh I feel like it's wired to thrive it's not wired to survive.
And so that's why basic stuff that like typical, neurotypical people just do and like it makes perfect sense to them, neurodivergents like don't understand the need for all the effort especially
when there's so many other cool things you can be doing or exploring or discovering and so i
just wanted to know if anybody thought that way or if they made sense so just i don't know.
Where you going? I don't even know yet.
Who going with you? Whoever come I guess, I don't know.
What y'all gonna do? I'm trying to figure it out now. I don't know what we're doing.
Y'all gonna eat I hope so I'm hungry.
Audio: All The THings She Said - t.A.T.u
Audio: Hate Me - Juice WRLD, Ellie Goulding
How, how much? Every day?
Yeah it's- it's prescribed.
I took that much in college once and I was up for three days straight, wild.
It lets me brush my teeth and like shower.
Audio: Running Out Of Time - Vivo OST
We gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go!
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know!
I don't want to take antidepressants what if I lose my sparkle huh?
Did I have things planned to do today? Yes.
Did I start impulsively cleaning out my closet while I was on hold with a doctor's office?
Also yes.
And now my bathroom, and bedroom, and the floor of my closet looked like a tornado went through it.
Also I'm pretty sure I haven't eaten today.
That awkward moment when you have ADHD and it keeps you under stimulated so much that
it affects your sleeping and it has affected the way that you sleep since you were a six-year-old
and because of that you've never been able to get a full night's rest or a good night's sleep
and for years and years and years ever since you were six years old you stayed up till about three
in the morning staring at the ceiling begging your body to let you fall asleep to the point
that it manifested in such an extreme anxiety that you would lay there every night and be
wholly convinced that somebody was going to break into your house and murder your entire family
and that led on for years and years and years and you never addressed it you never talked
about it you never fixed it and now as an adult you have an extreme sleeping disorder.
Just me?