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Oh hey there, loyal HAI viewer, people who fell asleep while YouTube was autoplaying,
and data-scraping bots!
Good to see, you, come on in.
We’re having Check it out!
Everyone’s dancing! , lady, , people, , and even, hey look, it’s even , who we actually
probably shouldn’t have invited because those skeletons used to be Iraqi civilians.
They’re all celebrating because this is the 200th episode of Half as Interesting—that’s
right, HAI has made 200 videos, which is the most videos of any YouTube channel ever.
In honor of this momentous occasion, we’ve decided that we’re going to break tradition
and finally make a good video.
In fact, we’re making the ultimate HAI video.
But we didn’t want to have to come up with it ourselves, because like, we’re tired,
we already wrote 199 of these things.
So instead, we decided to do what’s already happening to drivers, accountants, and girlfriends
and replace ourselves with robots.
So here’s the plan: we feed every title of every Half as Interesting video we’ve
ever made into this predictive text algorithm bot, which can then write new titles for us—and
I want to be clear, this is not a joke, we are really, 100%, actually doing this.
Unfortunately, the bot doesn’t know how to do research, so none of the titles will
be grounded in fact, but hey, when has shoddy research ever stopped us before, and so, without
further ado, I now present what, according to science, might be the greatest HAI video
of all time.
Now, at first glance, you might say to yourself “planes aren’t buffalo,” but what do
you know, you’re just a hypothetical audience member I made up.
So, how are planes buffalo?
Well, first off, buffalo live in the plains, and planes fly to and from Buffalo, so take
that.
Plus, there’s even a specific type of buffalo called the plains bison, which lives in Yellowstone
National Park, and actually, maybe there, airplanes are buffalo.
You see, the only way that buffalos could be planes is if we lived in a world without
rules or laws—and in certain parts of Yellowstone, that’s basically true.
Yellowstone National Park is mainly in Wyoming, a state best known for, well, having Yellowstone
National Park, but there are also small sections in Idaho and Montana—yet all of it is under
the jurisdiction of the US District Court for the District of Wyoming.
Now, under the Sixth Amendment, to be convicted of a federal crime, you must be tried before
a jury of people who live in both the state and the legal district where the crime was
committed, and the trial must take place there too, which means any crime committed in the
Idaho section of Yellowstone would have to take place in and be tried in front of jurors
who live in the Idaho section of Yellowstone.
But… no one lives there.
And there are no courthouses there.
And there are no Jimmy Johns there, which doesn’t matter for this but is still sad.
Furthermore, because Yellowstone is under exclusive federal jurisdiction, crimes can’t
be prosecuted under state laws.
All of which, some legal scholars argue, means that you cannot be convicted of any crime
committed in this 50-square mile area--but no one’s ever tested it, so we don’t know
for sure.
If you were confused about all the legal jargon, don’t worry: our AI predicts that LegalEagle
will do a video about this in a few months.
The point is, since there are basically no laws, you could classify a buffalo as a plane
and nobody could stop you… and that’s why, at least here, planes are technically
buffalo.
Here at Half as Interesting, we believe strongly in quantity over quality, and so let’s try
out our bot’s second idea: . Well, ah, when a German man and a German woman love each
other very much, they kiss each other one time on the cheek and then a baby pops out.
At least, that’s what my mom told me.
Now, the reason they’re born in Germany is because Germany exists, which it used to
not, and it only really does because of an accident.
You see, after World War II: 2 World 2 War, Germany was split into East Germany and West
Germany, with rival capitals East Berlin and West Berlin, separated by the Berlin Wall,
and , separated by Troy Bolton’s bangs.
On November 9, 1989, an East German spokesperson named Günter Schabowski was announcing a
relatively mild relaxation of travel regulations.
He was asked when the change would go into effect, and he had apparently been up late,
probably trying to figure out how to spell and pronounce a name like Gunter Schabowski,
and so he mistakenly said the travel restrictions would be lifted, “Immediately, without delay.”
Actually, they would be lifted the next day, and travel would still require a lengthy visa
process, but he didn’t clarify that, so East Berliners started storming the wall,
all excited to go to West Berlin, which had cool music and cool fashion and cool not-famine.
When they all stormed, the armed guards didn’t know what to do, and so did nothing, and before
anyone could get a handle on what was happening, East and West Berliners were celebrating and
tearing down the wall and listening to David Hasselhoff sing--which led to East Germany
and West Germany getting remarried into just plain Germany, which explains why are humans
born in Germany.
That one was a bit tough, but I’m sure the bot’s next title will be much easier.
Uh…ok.
So, I guess, like, why... is it called Iceland?
Well, there’s an old myth that explorers named this place, which is relatively green,
Iceland, and this place, which is relatively icy, Greenland, to trick people into going
to Greenland so the Vikings could have Iceland to themselves… but that’s not actually
true—as we all know, the only country named to trick people is Mauritania, which they
hoped high people would misread.
Iceland’s real name origin is still pretty weird, though: the explorer Flóki Vilgerðarson
followed a raven there sometime in the 9th century, he thought the place seemed nice,
decided to stay a while, didn’t prep for winter, all his cattle died, and then he got
mad and cursed the place as Iceland, and since he later came back and settled there permanently,
the name stuck to this day.
That’s right—Iceland was named after an insult from a guy who hated it.
That would be like naming HAI “Hey Sam We’re Tired Of The Jokes Please Stop Doing Them”...
and so I guess, uh, that’s “why Iceland.”
Which brings us to our final video, for which we allowed the bot to run as long as it wanted,
with no interference, which produced: “ Despite our years of writing and interpreting
nonsense for this show, even we weren’t sure what to do with that, so we decided maybe
only an AI bot could understand an AI bot.
So we handed that sentence to a different algorithm, and asked it to write us a paragraph.
And here’s the brilliant content it provided.
Why there are illegal the us ' terrible musical flight pass how to make new islands in the
us with no territory of land called rory so keep the sun strong and pink green and red
(so i'm told because im sure i didnt get all that from a song that isnt on the agenda).
Weird but weird.
Im lucky i have a twin sister.
Okay so, maybe the AI needs a little more work.
To be fair, though, predictive text does better the more you give it, and we only gave it
one sentence, and that sentence was nonsense.
I guess we’ll try again at 300.
Maybe you know how to make an AI bot that actually can write us an entire HAI script.
If you do, you should make a website for it, maybe something like www.myrobotwritesbetterjokesthansam.com.
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