Heya playa, lemme guess.
You wanna break up with someone but you don't want to do it in a way where you crush their
spirits, break their hearts or just make them feel miserable.
Well, I think there's something that you can say to them to help make that process a lot
easier and I think there are things you should reflect on before you break up with them so
I'll share them with you right after this.
For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh and every single Monday through Friday
I make videos sharing tips, ideas and stories teaching you how to be your best self.
Now if you're trying to minimize the amount of damage you're doing to the person you're
trying to break up with, there's a step by step process you should probably take.
For starters, you might want to think about why you want to end the relationship.
Are you just bored?
Is there someone else that you like?
Or is your partner just not holding up their end of the relationship?
You should also spend a little bit of time thinking about why you're still in the relationship.
Does that person have qualities and attributes that you really like or is it is simply that
if you were to break up with them, it would be awkward seeing them in school, are you
close their family and you don't want to lose that, what are the reasons that's keeping
you there with them?
Once you understand your reasons for no longer wanting to be in a relationship, how do you
then convey that to them without them feeling sad or hurt?
Honestly, I don't think that there's a simple way.
I get it, you don't want to come off looking like a bad or mean person here but you have
to understand that both of you invested feelings into this relationship.
So by ending it you're asking for those feelings to change which of course it's not gonna change
in a positive way.
They're not gonna be happy and excited that you're breaking up with them.
Most likely they're just going to feel sad.
And yes, their feelings will change once the two of you break up you have to understand
that as time goes on their feelings will change again.
So, the best thing you can convey yourself in a way that's honest, truthful and sincere.
In other words, you don't wanna say something like "I just don't like you anymore, ok?"
or something like "Hey look, I like this other person way more than you" because what you're
gonna do is you're going to cement yourself as a jerk in their mind.
They're always going to look at you as someone who burned them and they're never going to
be able to move past that.
And the truth is, you can't control someone else's mental depiction of you.
Even if you let them go in the nicest way possible, they may still hold those resentful
feelings against you.
So the most you can do is to put yourself out there, to be open and honest and to just
let it be.
But anyway, what exactly should you say?
What specific words should you use if you wanna break up with them?
Well, if I had to phrase it, here's exactly how I would do it.
"Hey, I feel like we're heading in different directions in this relationship and I don't
really have the feelings that I once did when we first started.
So, I think the best thing for us to do might be to break up.
That's how I feel, I want to know how you feel about this too."
Saying it like that makes it clear that you've fallen away from the initial feelings that
you once had and look, your partner still may be sad about that.
They may not want to break up, if that's how you genuinely feel it's important to convey
that to them.
And you also might be thinking how should you break up with someone.
Over text?
On the phone?
In person?
I personally think if you're going to break up with someone you can at least give them
the courtesy of hearing your voice so do it over the phone or in person if you can.
Saying something like that makes it clear that you no longer have the same feelings
that you once did.
Now look, your partner is going to have questions, that's only natural.
They may ask you things like when did you start feeling this way?
What was it that they could have done that could have changed your decision?
Or is there something about them that you just don't like?
Try your best to answer their questions as honestly as possible.
The goal here is to break up with them but your sub-goal is to leave them better off
than you found them.
You don't want this person walking away thinking that the next relationship they run into,
they're going to run into the same problems.
They're going to encounter the same things because all those people are the same.
Maybe all men are the same, all women are the same, all people are the same and no one
can be trusted, that's not the mentality you want them walking away with.
It's important for them to see that sometimes people are just not compatible.
Maybe you were compatible in the beginning but it didn't last over time and that's ok.
That's normal, that happens sometimes but, it doesn't mean that they're not going to
walk away still feeling hurt.
Now if you're breaking up with them because you found someone else that you like even
more, I don't really think it's the best thing to tell them outright "Yea, I wanna ask this
person out" or "I like them even more" because all it's gonna do is make them feel a little
bit more jaded so keep those thoughts separate from each other.
Once you break up with them, let time pass for that person to heal and then you can work
on building another relationship.
One thing I really wanna stress here is that feelings naturally fluctuate.
Meaning you may develop feelings for someone else that are stronger than your current partner.
But it's important for you to really look at the scenario and ask yourself, what is
my longer-term play?
Yes, I can give in to these little feelings I have here and there for anyone that I have
but is that gonna help me build what I want in the end.
And if what you want in the end is a healthy, happy and strong relationship, then it might
make sense to curb those feelings and to not act on those impulses when they happen.
Or if you're someone that's constantly breaking up with people, it might be important to look
at your own behavior.
To look at yourself and say "What am I doing that's attracting certain kinds of partners
that I can't build a relationship with?".
Maybe the error is something you can work on yourself.
Maybe you need to dedicate a little bit more time to your partner, or to be a little bit
more romantic or hear them out a little bit more.
There's always things that can be improved and tweaked to help you build better relationships.
So, if you're breaking up with this person and it just didn't work out, that's ok.
Focus on your next relationship in making it better than before.
But now I want to know, what do you think.
Have you ever broken up with someone before?
Has someone ever broken up with you?
Share your thoughts, feelings and experiences down below so you help other people in similar
situations.
On that note guys, thank you so much for watching.
If you enjoyed this video hit the thumbs up button, check out the playlist over there
on the side.
I've put together all the videos from this week and more videos together just to teach
you guys how to build better relationships.
I think it'll be super helpful for you guys so, go check it out.
And on that note, I'll catch you guys next week.
As always, love and peace.