tWitch, which Macy's dressing room
will you be going to this weekend?
tWitch?
Wow.
The one that's in our bathroom probably,
since we can't got nowhere.
Why don't you explain it, Ellen?
Why don't you explain why you asked that question.
Because last week we learned--
we were playing "Spill the Tea," but quarantine tea--
"quarantin-tea."
And I learned-- and tWitch was playing.
And the secret was that you got caught
in a Macy's dressing room doing the dipsy doodle.
Doing the dipsy doodle.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what you were doing.
They said, hey, don't be--
I see y'all doing the dipsy doodle in there.
Yeah.
You can't do the dipsy doodle.
Try Nordstrom's, if you can, if they're opened up.
Try to go to--
it a good dressing room to do the dipsy--
They have a nice dressing room there.
Yeah, to do the dipsy doodle in.
I realized there could be a lot of things
I don't know about you.
So we're going to play "Never Have I Ever."
Andy, you're gonna play as well.
OK.
I think I know everything about both of you.
But that surprised me about tWitch.
So everybody, we'll get our paddles.
All right, here we go.
I'll ask the questions, and we'll answer truthfully.
The whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help us all.
Here are the questions.
Never have I ever stolen something from work.
What have y'all stolen?
What did you steal, tWitch?
Ellen, you know how many "Ellen" coffee mugs I have here?
Oh, wow.
All right, what about you, Andy?
What have you stolen?
Candy.
My wife is always going, can you bring home
some candy from Craft Services?
So I do.
You guys.
Never have I ever read someone else's text
over their shoulder.
Absolutely.
You're a liar, tWitch.
No, I don't think we have.
Really?
Andy, I would see.
Andy's a very curious--
and he wants to make sure it's not about him.
He's paranoid, and he's curious.
Yes, I have.
OK.
Never have I ever ruined a plant in Ellen's backyard.
I for sure.
I have destroyed a number of them.
Yeah, you have.
With the fall last week, I took out maybe two completely.
Yeah.
That was quite a fall.
Never have I ever given someone a lap dance.
I haven't.
All right.
tWitch and I have.
That's what we do.
We're dancers.
Andy, we got to change that.
Yeah, you got to change that.
You got to give somebody a lap dance, Andy.
It's fun.
OK.
After quarantine.
Never have I ever had sex in a car.
Never have I had sex in a-- oh.
Never have I ever had sex in a car.
Please.
If tWitch is doing it in public dressing rooms,
we know he's doing it in the car.
There's no place he hasn't done it.
I don't know if his bed is comfortable or--
I don't know what's wrong with his bed.
Never have I ever peed in a pool.
Your pool.
You guys are gross.
Never have I ever gone to a nude beach.
You have?
You have, Andy?
Yeah.
But I didn't participate.
You had clothes on?
Yeah.
There's a small area in Malibu that is a nude beach
and I didn't know, where there's these caves.
And so I went down, realized it was a nude beach,
looked a little bit and then took off.
So I've been to one, but didn't participate.
All right.
Never have I ever posted anything online by mistake.
Oh, online?
No.
I don't think so.
Never have I ever been drunk at work.
Not at your show, Ellen.
But at the Rosie O'Donnell Show, yeah, drunk all the time.
Yeah, I assumed that.
At the Rosie O'Donnell Show you were always,
because that's when you were not sober.
That's correct.
Never have I ever lied to my boss.
I mean--
What have you lied to me about, Andy?
I mean, not you, but bosses.
OK.
And probably you at some point.
OK.
Never have I ever been in a Viagra commercial.
Come on.
With tWitch?
Did you find an old one of tWitch?
Nope.
Andy, I did find one that you were in.
Yeah.
So you're calling me a liar?
Roll it, Larry.
When it comes to romance, you want to be ready
whenever the moment is right.
But lately you haven't been feeling like yourself.
It may be time to ask your doctor about Viagra.
Viagra is the only pill clinically
proven to get you back in the mood in no time.
With Viagra, you'll start feeling like yourself again.
Viagra isn't for everyone.
Side effects may include trouble walking, trouble running,
and trouble pronouncing certain words.
"Is-the-dickses."
And if you have a "you know what"
lasting longer than four hours, seek
immediate medical attention.
So ask your doctor if Viagra is right for you.
And start enjoying life the way you used to.
I'm a naughty horse.
Viagra, because you're a naughty horse.
[NEIGHING] I'm a naughty horse.
I'm a naughty horse.
What the?
Andy?
What?
Do you ever question your choices in life?
Every day.
OK.
But it's so much fun though, right?
Yeah, I love it.
Well, it turns out--
It is a lot of fun.
--I was told that I also had done a Viagra commercial.
I don't really remember it.
But I guess I'm going to see it to.
Hello, men.
It's me, Ellen DeGeneres.
Listen, I'll be honest with you, I don't have an accent.
And when it comes to your downstairs area,
I don't know how any of it works.
And frankly, I don't care.
But I know that when you can't wake up "Sleepy Joe,"
it's a nightmare.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Plenty of men can't get their noodles al dente.
So if your soldier won't salute, then Viagra is for you.
Sure there's lots of problems in the world-- crime,
the economy, global warming.
But this is important.
We need to fix your [WHISTLES] [MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND]..
All you need is one of these little blue pills.
I fell off the bed.
But I have to warn you, if you have dizziness, difficulty
sleeping, or if your cobra remains
charmed for more than four hours, please,
please see a doctor.
So if you think Viagra's right for you,
talk to your doctor or your health care provider.
Just don't talk to me about it.
Yucky.
[CROWD CHEERING]
God, I miss the sound of an audience.
Yes, I know.
We had an audience.
People enjoyed us.
We don't know what's happening now.
We could just be us talking and no one's watching.
Probably.
All right, we'll be back.