what does anger fear guilt and shame all have in common
stay tuned to find out
overcoming anger fear guilt and shame
so what are these all have in common other than they all feel unpleasant
what they all have in common is these
there is nothing wrong with experiencing any of these feelings though it may feel
very wrong when you're experiencing them
these are nothing more than an alarm for you
your system to let you know that something's wrong
and that's a very very positive thing so when you experience fear guilt shame or
anger know that that is a healthy system that you are a healthy system being
alerted to something that needs to be taken care of that needs to be fixed
that needs to be resolved the problem with these feelings is that they can
tend to cause paralysis
we we feel anger and we shut down because society tells us we're not
supposed to be angry are for angry then that means we were wrong in some way
that we shouldn't feel that so instead of looking at what's causing the anger
and taking action
we tend to kind of collapse on ourselves and not want to do anything and and try
to get rid of the anger first and fear
obviously causes paralysis and most of us shame and guilt that will keep you
from doing a lot of the things that you want to do it makes you feel bad about
yourself so you don't do anything about it
well that's the main problem with these feelings is that there they were never
meant to be prolonged they were never meant to continue on their only there to
wake you up to a problem the problem that then happens is we don't do
anything about it and then we carry these emotions for a long time and the
more we carry them
the worst they get anger will turn into bitterness shame and what will turn into
a feeling of worthlessness guilt will turn into self hatred fear will turn
into paranoia and if you're not if you're not suffering in any of these
ways
good surely you know people who are and I know I've suffered this way I've carry
these feelings for years of different ones for different time periods and I
don't plenty of people who do and there's nothing Noble or of value to
suffering like this sometimes about suffering is valuable and noble but this
type of suffering is not so the best thing i can say in the simplest thing I
can say is let go of course that's easier said than done when I say it's
simple
I don't mean that it's easy so if you've been carrying this stuff around for
years this is where a good coach a good therapist can really help you out
because a lot of times when people have been carrying this around for four long
enough
they've forgotten how they ended up there to begin with they were have
forgotten what they've been holding onto or what they haven't fixed for this long
and some in some cases this
whatever started it has probably resolve itself but because they've been carrying
it for so long
it is just as stayed with them so what do you do with these things what do you
do with these feelings know that again that this is about alerting you to a
problem
so this is your opportunity to find out what is this about what is what is it
alerting you to and what you need to do about it and then do something take
action
fix the problem do it and immediately and then let the feeling go
the feeling is not supposed to persist that feeling is just there to let you
know it's time to do something so find out what it is
go fix it be done with it let the feeling go now you may be saying well
what if there's nothing I can do about it
what if it's it's a set of circumstances I don't have control over in that case
then be very clear that you don't have control over that situation and if you
truly don't have control over that situation
what do you have control over what you have control over is your own what's
inside you
Viktor Frankl a hero of mine wrote Man's Search for Meaning found happiness in a
concentration camp
could he control that he was in a concentration camp
no he couldn't but you can control it was inside of them and he decided he was
going to be happy and no one can take that away from him
so even though you might be in a situation where you you feel like you
don't have control over the circumstances then let it didn't even
more so let that go
if you really don't have control over the circumstances anger is not going to
serve you
fear is not going to serve you shame or guilt or not going to serve you
so let those feelings go and focus on what you do have control over which is
your own well-being your own happiness your own feelings and again I'm maybe
I'm making a sound simple
and when I again it made it is simple it's not necessarily easy
so when one of these feelings arises or more than one sometimes they come in
combination
what do you do about this first of all thank yourself
thank yourself for being a healthy system that is alerting you to a problem
that needs to that needs attention
this is called gratitude and this is an awesome place to start and resolving a
problem
imagine that you feel some anger you feel some shame or some guilt or fear
and instead of retracting or collapsing or going into paralysis you stop and
give things and gratitude to yourself for doing that
that is a reframe that will change your life I promise you
so when you experience something like that and you reframe it with gratitude
it almost resolve the problem the problem right there in some cases it
probably will
so thank yourself then get clear about what you're being alerted to and leave
personalization out of it leave feelings of workers you know the self-worth stuff
out of it as much as you can because I don't just trip you up and I don't mess
with your head
look at it as ok now i have something to figure out is the system is alerting me
to something
what do i need to figure out what I need to get clear about and then take action
don't hesitate on this take immediate action and just go with it with the with
all the information that you have you may be afraid that you're going to make
a mistake that's normal
do something about it take some sort of action and let the feeling go and just
know that you're making the best decision you possibly can with the
information you have you know hindsight is easy
we can look back and say oh I should have done this or should have done that
well yeah when you have the new or additional information you didn't have
before
of course take whatever information you have at the moment and use that to make
the best decision you possibly can and take action and if you can't take action
and it's a very real thing you really cannot take action
you still need to let that feeling go because it's not going to serve you and
if you really can't take action there's no point being angry about it or fearful
or shameful or guilty
this will save you years and years of suffering again I know this from
personal experience and i know this from family members and friends and people I
know it is it does it will do you no good to suffer and carry these feelings
around that it were never meant to persist only to alert you
check out our website and NLP-gym.com
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Facebook so you can get real-time updates on upcoming trainings and
practices and we have core transformation coming up and this is a
perfect workshop for exactly what i'm talking about this is the workshop where
you take those negative feelings those bad emotions those problems those
obstacles and you use them to create health and well-being in your life it
will be taught by Mark andreas son of Steve and Connirae Andreas and i'll be
september 16 17 and 18 here and beautiful santa cruz hope to see you
soon at a practice or workshop
take care
yeah