Okay,
everyone who wants
to help me DESTROY
my enemies--
raise your hand!
Great!
we'll conquer the world…
right after I rant
about CHAPPiE
and the taxonomy of movie robots--
--on this week's episode of Angry Nerd!
First, your coments.
AdRock1 responded to my
Top 10 Movies of 2014 list with this:
“But wait…”
“Michael Bay released”
“a new transformers movie…”
“Shouldn't it be on here?”
Ad Rock,
I'm worried about you.
Are you on some
illicit substance?
Do you need me
to talk you down,
or call poison control?
The new robot movie CHAPPiE
makes me furious!
The odd capitalization scheme
of the title, that is.
It looks like the name
of a Valley startup!
But everything else
about Neil Blomkamp's new flick
looks totally BLEEPING boss.
CHAPPiE stars
a computer-generated droid
and the trailer
proves how much better
this CG design
is implemented
than in Will Smith's I Robot
UGH!
they forgot Asimov's Eighth Law:
“Movie Robots should”
“NOT ape the aesthetic” “of first-gen iMacs!”
I also like that
CHAPPiE's hero does battle
with the tiresome roles
that robots have generally been
relegated to by Hollywood.
You see,
there are three species of movie robots.
You have the cutesy servant droids
who perform repairs
and dispense comic relief.
Then you have
the menacing heavies,
bad guys designed
to inflict pain.
And yes, Mechagodzilla counts as a robot!
And finally,
you have the robot
as childlike naïf---
steel Pinocchios who gradually learn about the wonders
and horrors of the world.
Hollywood movies
are dominated
by the first two types,
but the last one
is clearly best.
These characters are
much more involving and relatable,
and movies can use the unique perspective of these bots
to reflect on
what it means to be human.
“What’s that?
Chappie’s book?”
“Yeah!
It’s yours””
“Chappie’s got stories?”
“Chappie’s got a book!”
We need more movies
that cast robots
as the wide-eyed outsider.
But the only way
we'll get those
is if robot actors
refuse to take
the overfamiliar stereotyped roles.
I'M TALKING TO YOU,
JEFF 1000!
WHAT?
A WIRED PROPERTY?
I DON'T CARE IF IT'S
A WIRED SHOW,
THAT DROID
IS A TEN TON
SELL-OUT!
HOW DO YOU
SLEEP AT NIGHT,
JEFF 1000?
Or..
how would you sleep,
if you were
a biological entity
that required sleep?
HEY, ARE YOU RUNNING
AN ANNOTATION TO JEFF 1000
OVER ME RIGHT NOW?
KNOCK IT OFF!
I'M NOT GOING
TO CROSS-PROMOTE
FOR THAT BLEEP.
Hmmm,
I’ve gotta say
that I'm a little worried
about the fact that
the robot in CHAPPiE
apparently learns how to be human
from the goony bird members
of the rap group
Die Antwoord.
I question their credentials!
What, is there a backroom deal
between Blomkamp and
the Capetown Chamber of Commerce
to promote fellow
South African artists?
Yeah, seriously,
learning how
to be human
from Ninja and Yolandi
is like learning to write
a satisying third act
from M. Night Shyamalan!
What's your
favorite movie robot?
Let me know
in the comments,
and subscribe to the WIRED channel!
And watch my other videos over there.
Robot henchman,
can you point
at my other videos?
C’mon…
There!
I knew that you could!
Now--
dance the Cabbage Patch for me.
That’s not the Cabbage patch!
Go over here!
Attack that comic book!
Point..
Point…
I knew that you could.
“Uh huh.”
Easy for you to say.
Can we get some tape for him?
He’s just…
He’s not hitting his marks.