- Heya playa.
Have you ever been around a shy person
that just didn't really feel comfortable around you?
They didn't trust you, they didn't talk to you,
and you wanted to change that.
You wanted to make it so that they can start
talking to you regularly.
Don't worry.
I'm going to share three things so you can do right now.
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Now when it comes to shy people,
I think one of the most important things to remember
is that their behavior is not always reflective
of what you're doing.
Sometimes they just don't really
know how to express their feelings
and it comes off looking shy,
which can lead you to think to yourself,
man, I'm super boring.
I'm not fun. They don't like me. They hate me.
All these different negative thoughts
simply because the shy problem isn't really being tackled.
Well, the first thing you can start doing
to help create a more comfortable atmosphere
for that shy person is to work on your body language.
Your body language, it's going to make up the majority
of your interaction with them,
even more so than the things that you say.
So there are a few key things you could focus on
body language wise to help that shy person
come out of their shell.
For example, eye contact is something you might want to keep
to a minimum in the beginning.
Look, that shy person is not going to be making open
and long eye contact with you.
They might be looking at the ground,
they may be looking away
and they won't be looking up or down.
Either way, the fact is don't stare a hole into them.
If they're not looking at you, look away from time to time.
Try to match their level of eye contact
because that's going to help the two of you
kind of resonate on the same level.
Another thing you may want to do is to kind of face them
head on, to put your full attention towards them
to show them that you're really paying attention to them.
You're there to listen to them.
You're not just kind of haphazardly
just having a conversation with them on the side.
You want them to know
that you're giving them your full attention
and from a shy person's perspective
they may appreciate that because shy people
tend to feel like they're not really heard a lot.
They're kind of overlooked.
No one really pays attention to them.
So by giving them your full attention,
they're going to feel like
they're actually being listened to.
Another little body language tip
that you can use is to lean in when you talk to them.
By leaning into a conversation,
that person's going to feel like you're genuinely interested
in what they're saying.
And if they're a shy person,
they probably don't get that a lot.
So they're going to really feel like you care about them.
You care about what's being talked about,
and you're genuinely interested
in making something happen here.
Now, while that covers body language,
there's still the element of talking to them.
How do you make that conversation flow
and actually get them to speak to you?
Well, I think the most important thing
for you to do is to ask open ended questions.
Open ended questions are different from yes or no questions
because it means that they have to give a genuine word
or response as an answer.
Instead of asking questions like,
hey, did you ever see this movie?
Which is a yes or no type of question,
you might want to ask them something
a little bit more personal to them.
Say something like, hey, I'm curious.
What would you say is your favorite movie of all time?
And why do you like it so much?
That way they can give you a genuine response
and elaborate a little bit more on their answer.
For shy people, conversations can be difficult
because they may not know what to talk about.
So if you kind of set the ground by asking them a question
and giving them room to answer in their own way,
it allows them to engage in the conversation
without feeling that pressure
of having to carry it forward alone.
Now you might be thinking,
but they're not having the conversation alone.
I'm here with them to talk,
but generally shy people tend to feel
like the spotlight is on them and them alone.
Like they need to be the ones performing
or keeping things going.
So the more you can do to kind of carry the conversation,
to ask deeper questions about the things
that they're talking about, the easier it's going to be
for them to open up, feel comfortable and engage.
I want to talk about asking deeper questions.
I did a video all about that over here
which you could check out, but basically an example
of that might be something like this.
Let's say they tell you that they love playing Fortnite.
You might want to ask a deeper question,
like, have you ever won a battle royale?
How long have you been playing Fortnite?
Is it your favorite game?
Are there any other games that you play?
Deeper questions that dive into their Fortnite response.
And the third way to get that shy person
to feel more comfortable around you
is for you to be open, honest, trusting,
and vulnerable with them.
You need to share a little bit about yourself.
The more they can learn about you.
The more they see that you're willing to kind of
give up and share with them,
the easier it's going to be for them to look at you
and say, hey, this is a person that's being honest with me.
I can be honest with them.
For you, that might mean sharing a personal story
about your life or a secret of yours
that you don't really tell a lot of people.
Telling it to that shy person
is going to make them feel like they are an individual
that stands out above the rest, that you care about them,
that you genuinely trust them.
And once they start to feel those feelings,
it's going to be way easier
for them to be more comfortable around you.
Think about a close bond you have with anyone in your life.
What really holds you guys together?
It's your personal experiences.
The fact that you can share things with that person
and you know that they're not going to betray you
or judge you for it shows that you guys
can kind of build something strong.
So, if you want to make that shy person
feel more comfortable, they need to kind of replicate
that type of relationship with you.
The more you open up to them,
the easier it'll be for them to open up to you.
And as time goes on,
you're going to start to see your body language
and their body language shift.
You guys are going to make more eye contact.
You're going to talk more freely with each other.
You won't have to worry about asking open ended questions
because conversations will just flow naturally.
Whether it's your crush
or someone you want to be friends with
or family member, regardless,
if that shy person wants to feel more comfortable
around you, you need to create that environment for them.
But what do you think though?
Is there a shy person in your life
that you want to feel more comfortable around you?
Leave your comments down below and we'll talk about it.
Now, if you're interested in learning
what open ended questions you can ask,
you should definitely check out
my 20 icebreaker conversation starters guide,
which I kind of break down different things
you can talk to them about
to help the conversation go smoother.
You can also check out the playlist right below,
where I break down different shy moments,
whether you're the shy person, whether they're shy person,
whether that shy person's your girlfriend
or boyfriend or your crush, regardless,
I tackle shyness in that playlist.
So it's going to be super helpful for you to check out.
On that note, guys catch you tomorrow.
As always, love and peace.