♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE SEGMENTS WE DO ON "THE LATE SHOW" IS
SOMETHING CALLED "COMMUNITY CALENDAR," WHERE A CELEBRITY
GUEST AND I HIGHLIGHT ACTUAL UPCOMING EVENTS HAPPENING IN A
SMALL TOWN THEY HAPPEN TO BE FROM.
EVENTS LIKE POETRY READINGS, LOCAL BATTLES OF THE BANDS,
DEEP-FRIED TESTICLE FESTIVALS-- YOU KNOW, THE HEARTLAND.
WELL, I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN, BUT, OF COURSE, RIGHT NOW, ALL
THOSE LOCAL EVENTS HAVE BEEN.
CANCELLED.
HOWEVER, RESOURCEFUL PEOPLE.
ACROSS THE COUNTRY HAVE NOW BEEN HOLDING THE SAME SORTS OF
INCREDIBLE EVENTS ONLINE, BECAUSE WE'RE NOW ALL LIVING IN
THE SAME SMALL TOWN KNOWNAS THE INTERNET.
HERE TO HELP ME DISCUSS SOME OF THE BEST ONLINE EVENTS, A MAN
WHO IS CURRENTLY ONLINE HIMSELF, JOHN MULANEY!
>> HELLO, STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, JOHN.
ARE YOU READY TO HIGHLIGHT SOME REAL UPCOMING ONLINE EVENTS?
>> I HAVE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE GOING ON RIGHT NOW!
>> Stephen: GREAT!
THEN IT'S TIME FOR "COMMUNITY.
CALENDAR: INTERNET EDITION"!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( PHONE DIALING ) ( MODEM CONNECTING )
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME TO
"COMMUNITY CALENDAR," YOUR SOURCE FOR EVERYTHING HAPPENING
ON THE WEB THAT ISN'T PORN.
JOHN, DO YOU ENJOY THE INTERNET?
>> I SURE DO!
IT'S PERFECT FOR WHEN I WANT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF.
>> Stephen: WELL, LET'S SHOW PEOPLE SOME REAL UPCOMING ONLINE
EVENTS THEY CAN ATTEND.
FIRST UP, ARE YOU A BOOK LOVER LOOKING FOR A SENSE OF
COMMUNITY?
THEN CHECK OUT THE "QUARANTINED PAGES" PROJECT USING THE HASHTAG
"READING-APART-TOGETHER."
EVERY DAY THEY ARE HOSTING A "ONE-HOUR SILENT READING SESSION
ON ZOOM."
IT'S THE PERFECT EVENT FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE SILENTLY
IGNORED, BUT DOES NOT HAVE A CAT.
>> THEN, FOR ALL YOU COOKS OUT THERE, ON SATURDAY, MAY 2,
SACRAMENTO'S "SCRATCH-MADE LIFE" IS HOSTING SAUSAGE MAKING,
ONLINE.
IT'S LIKE THE SAYING GOES: "YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW HOW THE
SAUSAGE GETS MADE BECAUSE IT'S SO FUN AND YOU'LL
JUST WANT TO DO IT ALL THE TIME!"
>> Stephen: EVERY WEDNESDAY, STATEN ISLAND'S FRANK D. PAULO
INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL IS HOSTING "THE MASKED SINGER AT PAULO,"
WHERE MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHERS PERFORM IN MASKS, WHILE STUDENTS
TRY TO GUESS WHO THEY ARE.
IT'S PERFECT FOR ANY TEACHER WHO LIKES WORKING FROM HOME BUT
MISSES GETTING MADE FUN OF BY STUDENTS.
>> SO, PLEASE TUNE IN TO SEE WHO IS BEHIND MISTER CHARMIN.
THEN QUICKLY LOG OFF BEFORE YOU SEE HIM REUSE THAT TOILET PAPER.
THE CHECK OUT EXPLORE.ORG'S WEBCAM OF THE AROARA BOREALIS.
SEE WHY SCIENTISTS CALL THE NORTHERN LIGHTS "NATURE'S SCREEN
SAVER."
AND THIS SATURDAY, MAY 2, LITTLE ROCK'S CLUB NEVERMORE WILL HOST
CABIN FEVER, AN ONLINE DANCE PARTY FEATURING FOUR SHOWERS OF
GOTH/INDUSTRIAL TACKS.
PLUS GOGHTD GOSSIP IN OUR CHAT ROOM.
GOTH GOSSIP, BY THE WAY, IS WHAT THEY ORIGINALLY CALLED
OBITUARIES.
>> STEPHEN, DO YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME HOT GOTH GOSSIP?
YOU KNOW JACK RACEN THE BASSIST.
I SAW HIM SMILING AND WEARING PASTELS.
>> Stephen: GET OUT!
>> YES!
AND GUESS WHERE HE WAS?
>> Stephen: BED, BATH AND BEYOND?
>> NO.
BUILD-A-BEAR WORKSHOP!
>> Stephen: WAIT.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE?
>> I LIKE TO TAKE MY NEPHEW THERE AND THEN NOT BUY HIM
ANYTHING SO HE GETS UPSET.
>> Stephen: THAT'S AWFUL.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: ON MAY 12, THE UNITED STATES OFFICE OF
PERSONNEL MANAGEMENT WILL HOST A WEBINAR ON PREPARING A RESUME
FOR FEDERAL JOBS.
LEARN HELPFUL TIPS LIKE: IF YOU WANT TO HEAD UP A
CORONOVIRUS TASK FORCE, UNDER.
"RELEVANT EXPERIENCE" PUT "MARRIED TO THE PRESIDENT'S
DAUGHTER."
>> TUESDAY, MAY 5, JOIN ALLENTOWN'S "FORWARD THINKING
FITNESS" ON ZOOM FOR "FREE KIDS SUPERHERO TRAINING!" AN
INTERACTIVE TRAINING SESSION FOR KIDS THAT FEATURES SUPERHEROES
SUCH AS BATMAN, WONDER WOMAN, CAPTAIN AMERICA, SPIDER-MAN, BAT
GIRL, AND MANY MORE!
SO COME FOR THE WORKOUT AND STAY TO SEE D.C. AND MARVEL TEAM UP
TO SUE A LOCAL GYM!
>> Stephen: WANT TO EXERCISE FROM HOME BUT ALSO ENJOY
DRINKING?
THEN SIGN UP FOR A VIRTUAL DRUNK YOGA CLASS.
START THE SESSION IN DOWNWARD-FACING DOG, AND END THE
NIGHT IN DOWNWARD-FACING TOILET BOWL.
>> BUT THERE'S MORE.
EVERY FRIDAY AT 8:00 P.M., JERSEY CITY'S ART HOUSE
PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS VIRTUAL DRAG BINGO HOSTED BY HARMONICA.
SUNBEAM.
I CAN'T WAIT TO TUNE IN AND FIND OUT WHAT HER DRAG NAME IS.
>> Stephen: EVERY NIGHT AT 7:00 CENTRAL ON FACEBOOK LIVE, YOU
CAN CHECK OUT "QUARANTINE QUARTERHOUR" A DAILY VARIETY
SHOW BROUGHT TO YOU BY A "FARM SOMEWHERE NEAR NASHVILLE."
IT FEATURES LIVE MUSIC, MAGIC TRICKS, AND OCCASIONAL
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.
THAT ADVICE?
DON'T DATE A MUSICAL MAGICIAN WHO LIVES ON A FARM.
WELL, COMMA, THAT DOES IT FOR THIS EDITION OF "COMMUNITY
CALENDAR."
CHECK OUT colbertlateshow.com FOR LINKS TO THE EVENTS WE'VE
COVERED HERE TONIGHT.
>> IF YOU SEE ANY OTHER LINKS ON THE INTERNET, DO NOT CLICK ON
THEM.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, JOHN MULANEY!
JOHN MULANEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪