Don’t.
Fear.
Death.
I mean, why should you?
For a start, everyone’s doing it these days.
Old people...
Young people...
Animals...
Hell, even travel agents are doing it. And they’re normally the last to catch on.
Death is so in right now. So why be afraid?
Look. I was like you once.
Wary of the bright light. Scared of the unknown.
But then it hit me. Being dead is absolutely brilliant!
Just look at grand, old Mr Death himself.
He’s more dead than anyone. And he’s always smiling.
But seriously. Just think of the benefits.
For a start, loonies and weirdos won’t sit next to you on the bus...
Or the park bench...
Or on that tortuous long-haul flight. Not anywhere!
You’ll never have to waste one more single soul-crushing hour in your mindless, dead-end job.
Where you have to listen to your psychopathic boss or mouth-breathing colleagues.
You’re literally dead to them.
Blokes. You’ll be able to sit through those tedious, face-numbing conversations...
...about mother’s terminal irritable bowel syndrome, or which tie you’ll look best in at the funeral.
Ehy? Result.
And ladies, remember personal hygiene? Fashion? Extreme diets? Make-up?
They’ll be a thing of the past!
Now’s the time to show off that bone structure.
And that’s not all my soon-to-be-cadavers.
If you want, you could just chill out on the beach...
Kick back in the pool...
Or spend more quality time with the kids.
You can really live it up when you’re dead.
So you see? Death isn’t the curse that it used to be.
It’s your passport to complete and utter freedom.
No pulse, no responsibilities!
Just you, your body, and an endless stretch of glorious, unfettered time...
... to do whatever you like in, whenever you like.
Death really isn’t anything to be scared of.
So carpe morte! Seize death!
Today is the first day of the end of your life. Haha!
So! Who’s with me?!
Ehy?
Oh. Well sod the lot of you then. I’m off.
Have a nice liiiiiiiife!