Ummmm.. I'll take school facts for $800, Alex.
[Reads text on clue]
Oh.
Oh, man.
What is...
poetry?
I'm sorry Jeff,
but the correct answer is all of them.
They're all useless.
In my first video, I didn't have enough time to say this,
but I HATE it when people are "cool" with their teachers.
I understand that some teachers are more laid-back than others,
and sometimes they'll ask the class;
"So, how was everyone's weekend?"
Then if you want to talk about something, or have important news, then you can share it.
"My dog died!"
Hahaha, yeah, they do that.
But there is a line, and you shouldn't cross it.
Don't talk to your teacher just to talk to them during class.
I don't know how much of a problem this is in other places of the world,
but sometimes there would be kids in my class that would say,
"Hey, Susan! How was your daughter's dance recital? Did you remember all of her moves?"
"I saw the video you posted on Facebook,
It looked like she was having a fun time."
Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!!!
Maybe I wouldn't have been a good teacher.
Before I tell you about my poetry teacher,
I need to tell you about the preparatory school I went to, so you can better understand where I'm coming from.
So I went to a preparatory school in ninth grade, and-
first off, what is a preparatory school?
Google says its "A private school that prepares students for college."
Now hearing that definition you might think,
wait, don't all schools prepare students for college?
Isn't that a school's JOB?
And you might think that a preparatory school is more fancy
and made out of marble, and all the kids come from rich families...
HAHAHA! No! What It means is that the
schools get little government funding
and parents have to pay for desks
and the teacher's salary.
I know different private schools will vary depending on how rich the parents are.
I'm sure that school made out of marble exists somewhere?
But the preparatory school I went to, was relatively worse than a normal public school.
The school I went to didn't even have DESKS. They had fold up tables and the chairs were fold up too,
how did they-- Oh....
Well now I know where all the budget went.
The main difference between a public school in a prep school,
is that a prep school is smaller and there's a uniform and there's lockers.
So... why did my twin sister and I attend a preparatory school?
Because twins have superpowers and we need to go to a special school to enhance our abilities.
NAH! I'm just-- I'm just kidding. I'm- I'm kidding, that would be cool though!
We went because when we were starting our freshman year, our older brother was a senior,
and he was already attending this preparatory school,
and my mom didn't want to drive to two high schools to pick us up.
We already had a carpool in place; you can't just mess with the carpool!
Me and my sister didn't know what to expect from a public high school,
We've never been, we thought we'd get bullied or something.
"Boy, I feel like PICKING ON SOMEONE TODAY!"
Yeah, sure, we can go to a prep school I mean what's the worst that can happen?
Well the carpool we had, made it so we would arrive at the school super early before everyone else,
and we'd be picked up from the school super late.
And also because it was a prep school, they gave out a STUPID amount of homework!
I remember breaking up the homework into pieces like;
"Okay, I can do the geometry while I'm waiting for school to start,
the biology homework I can do during geometry class,
and I have choir after lunch so I can just do this during lunch!
AH! Look at me being responsible!
I have a little sister who just finished her freshman year in a public high school,
and she thinks it was SOOOO hard.
OH, you thought your ninth grade was hard!?
Try doing twice the amount of homework and wear the same pants every day!
So now the only question remaining is, why did my older brother go to a prep school in the first place?
"Bro, why did you go to a prep school in the first place?"
"IDK, just decided to. Just felt like I should."
My mom reads my scripts, and she told me that he went to a prep school
because one of his friends said that there were cute girls at the school...
so he decided to stay there for four years.
Okay, now let's talk about my poetry teacher. I'll call him...
Mister...
Poe.
Because that's short for Poe...a.. tree.
Poetry wasn't even an elective class.
EVERY freshman was required to take it.
And surprisingly, poetry was only the second most useless class you took at the school.
The sophomores took a class on Latin.
You know, that dead language that no one speaks.
So Mr. Poe... I don't want to judge him TOO hard.
I don't know how he was like outside of school,
but just picking up the vibes I got from him as a 14 year old...
I think he was depressed.
I mean, to be fair, anyone who likes poetry probably has something wrong in their head.
But Mr. Poe just seemed SAD. All the time!
Every single day he would start the class by saying, "It's the best day ever,"
which, if you think about it, saying that every day only means that the
days are going to get better and better which is.. sort of poetic...
but I think Mr. Poe is lying to himself.
Also, Mr. Poe really liked anacondas...
I mean snakes... he really liked snakes.
Sometimes would go off on tangents talking about snakes.
"Royal Pythons, also called American Ball Pythons,
got their name because they turn into a ball when they get nervous.
Also, did you know that snakes have have two--
...nevermind."
Sometimes in class we would be analyzing poetry,
and Mr. Poe told us that every single word in a poem was important.
"The poet didn't have to use the word 'The'...
but they DID... What did they mean?"
Sometimes we would spend days analysing a single poem,
taking notes and talking about what we thought the poet meant.
One time, a poem we were reading had someone talking,
so there were quotation marks at the start of the sentence,
but there weren't quotation marks at the end.
The poet forgot to put end quotes. I remember noticing it in thinking:
"AHA! A clue! Mr. Poe, I just made a breaking discovery!
There's no end quotes here, meaning that the whole rest of this poem is told by this character!"
And Mr. Poe said: "Oh no,
that's just a typo."
Well, frickin', why am i perfectly nitpicking this piece,
when the poet purposely put poor punctuation in his poems!
PTERODACTYL!!
This is going to sound off-topic, but do you guys know what lateral thinking puzzles are?
Lateral thinking puzzles are sort of like riddles, but more stupid.
You're given a strange situation with little information,
and you have to ask the person who told you the puzzle,
yes or no questions to get the answer.
My favorite lateral thinking puzzle is this, because it's so stupid.
"A man goes into a restaurant, orders albatross, eats one bite, and then jumps off a bridge.
Why?"
Now normally, if we were playing legitly, you would ask me yes-or-no questions like
"Was the man in a relationship?"
And I would answer them, saying
"Well, not anymore."
The explanation is this,
I'm not going to read it out because it's super long and complicated but,
you can read it if you want.
Well Mr. Poe, also liked to tell these lateral thinking puzzles,
but his solutions were more... dumber.
One of the puzzles he told the class was,
"You're trapped in a restaurant, how do you get out?"
Now, I can think of like five solutions right off the top of my head.
Go through the door, through a window,
use a crowbar if it's locked, there's probably a sharp knife to cut through a wall,
or you can dig a hole under everything with a spoon,
but it was actually none of those answers.
So how do you get out of a restaurant you're trapped in?
You get an.. education.
Okay let me explain, you're trapped in a restaurant because you're a waiter.
That's your job, and to get out of the restaurant, you need to get a good education so you can get a better job,
kind of like how I was able to quit my job in the food industry,
by getting.. an education.
*whisper* "It's funny because he dropped out of college."
So the class got the answer to that riddle, but Mr. Poe told us another riddle
and we never figured that one out.
and that riddle is; "Anyone can dig a ditch, but it takes a real man to...
blank."
Given that the answer to the first riddle was education,
the answer to this could be anything.
I really wanted to know the answer to this riddle, so I Googled it,
hoping that Mr. Poe just stole it from the internet, and
and I found this song;
"Anyone can dig a hole,
(close enough to a ditch)
but it takes a real man to call it home."
Which sounds poetic enough. Let's see if the song gives us any more clues.
(Loud screaming rock music)
Mr Poe, I didn't know you were into this sort of stuff.
So I wish I could give you the answer, but I don't have one.
Feel free to guess what you think the answer is, and give your reasoning in the comments.
That'll be fun to read.
But I will say the answer that I did come up with that I think makes the most sense.
"Anyone can dig a ditch,
but it takes a real man to...
hide the body."
Poetry was dumb, but at least I learned something,
how to write haikus.
Honestly I'm glad I took a poetry class.
At least it's not French.
Mr. Poe, teacher, if you're somehow watching this, thanks for teaching me stuff.
I need to give a big thanks to my friend CypherDen, who helped color some of the pictures.
She's a pretty cool dude, you should check her out.
I never figured out the solution to that riddle, I guess I'm not a real man.
Mr. Poe, if you're watching I'm sorry I called you depressed. You just always sounded tired and annoyed.
Well, okay, I probably sounded exactly the same when I was in your class.
But honestly, Mr. Poe it was a great class, okay?
It was WAY better than French.
Thanks for watching, everyone.
I'm excited for VidCon and I hope to see you there,
and wear your seat belt.
That rhymes, sorta, and it's ironic because this is about poetry.
Whatever.