Age of Empires 2 is the game that just keeps on giving! And that I keep buying. I must
have bought it a dozen times by now, sometimes for me, sometimes for friends. I may as well
be pedalling drugs, given how addictive this game is.
Imagine being a game developer in the 90’s, working on Age of Empires 2. There’s no
way you could have known that it would still be popular 20 years on! That those trivial
decisions you made back then would dictate the outcomes of millions of matches. Which
other games can you think of from the 90’s that still have such a large playerbase? And
not only that- a playerbase that’s full of people who weren’t even born when the
game was first released? It’s an incredible game. It caters for so
many casual play-styles, yet also functions as an uber competitive esports title that’s
ridiculously complex to master. For me, a large reason I love the game is
thanks to its AWESOME bot support. I don’t know what it is about them, but I feel like
I’ve accomplished something by beating them- even at easier settings. And it never grows
old. Especially with the improved AI featured in the Definitive Edition. They feel truly
alive, when they build a lumber mill next to my wall as though they’re trying to mine
around it. Or when they block off my approaching army from killing their gold miners. Or when
they fake a retreat to lure my soldiers into the range of their castles! This edition of
the AI doesn’t cheat, either- if you cut off its gold supply, it runs out of gold.
That’s satisfying. And yet despite it playing by the rules, it can still out-play me. Embarrassing,
really. I may have played this game for decades, but
in a way, I’ve never really played it. I don’t care about the single player campaign
at all. And I’m still too scared to play proper multiplayer.
My time in the game has mostly been playing cooperatively with friends, against numerous
numbers and difficulties of enemy AI. Back in 2002, it was one of the games I used
to recreate Helms Deep in, where I’d deliberately delay my paladin charge so that they arrived
just in time to save my sister’s town from the enemy swarm.
I’d design intricate and expansive castle layouts in the editor, then see if I could
hold off a superior force from behind the dozens of layers of walls.
The game later became a staple at LANs. Some of us would have V1, others, V1a and it would
cause untold problems as we tried to get everybody on the same version before we could start
a match. If I’m honest, it wasn’t the best game for LANs- it’s hard to plan a
scenario that caters for such a range of skill levels, including total newbies who have never
played it before. And the games can often span into the hours as a 4v4 on black forest
reaches a painful stalemate.
Then in 2013 I had a group who would play it online. We’d be up against 4 or 5 enemies,
slowly building our forces up before knocking their towns down, one by one.
Then, as I went through my 20’s, my friends drifted, and LANs became a smaller, more intimate
affair, and suddenly the idea of a match of AOE2 became more viable again as we, veterans
of the game, would face off against harder and harder combinations of enemy AI. On black
forest, of course.
I went though a stage where I tried to unlock all of the achievements, leading to crazy
fights against 5, 6 or even 7 enemies at once, which encouraged me to think outside the box
and to employ bizarre strategies to give me the edge.
But it’s only been in the last year, with the Definitive Edition, that I’ve actually
got good at the game- in part thanks to its EXCELLENT tutorials. I’ve mastered the fast
castle. I’ve learned to use different formations to dodge attacks. Deliberately countered with
trash units to save on precious resources. I’ve actually dared play on maps other than
black forest. I’ve watched pro matches, and have researched novel strategies. I even
know what T90 farms are! I confess, I feared the game would lose its appeal once I got
good at it. Is there any returning to 4v4 black forest once I’ve given someone the
Persian Douche? Turns out, there is. Age of Empires 2 just
gets better and better. That damn Persian Douche strategy, though.
One day, as everybody was joining the lobby, a random person joined and chose to be on
the enemy team. We thought nothing more of it until suddenly my sister was moaning about
how ‘it’s happening to her again’, and when I looked across at her, her base was
in ruins. The Persian Douche is where you quickly send your villagers to the enemy base
and construct a town centre right next to theirs. Persians get a stronger town centre,
which means they’ll win in a fair fight. It’s a cheap way of beating most players
in a 1v1, but the strat can scale all the way up until it’s challenging even the best
of players. There are ways to deal with it, which my friends and I practiced so as not
to ever get caught out by it again. Even this training led to some fun times,
like when we decided to troll the AI by ganging up on them, using the Persian Douche to great
effect against the toughest difficulty level! They didn’t stand a chance.
Age of Empires 2: the game that keeps on giving. I gave the original a go the other day, just
to see what it was like. It was rubbish! The AI micro-managed monks and rekt me, and the
general gameplay felt so basic and primitive compared to the sequel.
And to think, I didn’t used to like AOE2. Before Lord of the Rings, I saw it as an overly
complicated version of Command and Conquer. But times change, and so have I. Now, I see
Command and Conquer as a simple version of AOE2.
Unpopular opinion: I didn’t used to like the music! And the names of the tracks were
stupid. And I mean, really stupid. Shamburger. Smells Like Crickets, Tastes Like Chicken.
Neep Ninny Bod.
But it’s amazing what Stockholm syndrome can do, and after having heard the same songs
played in the same order literally hundreds of times, I grew to love each and every track
in the game. Even the expansions.
Which was why I was so sad the order was shuffled around for the Definitive Edition. It was
jarring to hear the same tracks, but in the wrong order and with different instruments!
In some bits, the tracks themselves have been changed, and new bits have been added. Blasphemy!
But Stockholm syndrome struck again and I’m already growing to like the new soundtrack.
Even if I still prefer the original version of Tazer.
It’s weird that Age of Empires 3 never took off. It made some questionable decisions regarding
the competitive side of the game, but it’s not like I cared about that at the time. The
game even had the prettiest water ever, so I’m not sure WHY I didn’t give it more
of a chance. There’s just something timeless and comforting about a fixed isometric perspective
that 3D is yet to match. Which is why I worry for Age of Empires 4!
Don’t get me wrong- I want to like it. It looks great! But even if it’s better than
I could have hoped for, how could be better than Age of Empires 2?
For the time being, I’ll continue playing the Definitive Edition, with my friends, against
brainless AI. After years of faithfully picking the Teutons, I’m now really enjoying playing
as random civilisations every time. I enjoy having to think on the spot when they do stuff
in a different way, or have different perks from what I’m used to. I enjoy playing as
the Malay cos their fast-moving Karambit Warriors are great for trolling enemy trade carts.
And I’ve even grown to like the… goths! Their inability to build stone walls made
them the butt of so many LAN party jokes, but their units are cheap, and their Huskarl
warriors are almost immune to arrows, which has all sorts of perks.
And the Britons are awesome cos they all sound like that Blue Peter presenter.
But who knows what the future holds, and how my experience of Age of Empires will change.
Maybe one day I’ll play with fog of war. Or even dabble with the match making feature!
Who knows- give it another 20 years, and I might be ready.
‘They still had 3 castles.’
‘Yeah they did. I’m surprised they- I always think they throw in the towel early.’
‘I prefer them to fight to the bitter end.’