Powering up that parenting team again
today. Today with toddlers. It's a whole
different group. We'll get specific on
how to be a better parent to your
toddler. We've had a lot of video
comments that say, "well, how do I apply
this to my toddler?" - Yeah - Specific ages
require some kind of specialized
application of the basic principles that
we've already talked about. Now, I would
encourage you if you haven't yet looked
at the stages model. We've got a couple
of videos here that talk about that. The
first one that we put out is called
"Teaching kids responsibility". Go check
that out.
So that you have the basic model in mind
because it's more about stage than it is
about. But toddlers, typically are at a
lower stage of development which is
totally appropriate. We can't expect a
two-year-old to do what we can expect a
twelve-year-old to do. So for the most
part we're dealing with little people
who are basically on stage one of their
development. That means they're going to
tend to be fairly self-centered. Very
egocentric is one of the words that we
use in the industry. A lot of times
they're willing to bridge into stage two.
You see a lot of this back and forth
with toddlers. Yes, they're cooperating
and then they're not and then they're
cooperating and they're not. So right
just remember that cooperation is kind
of that spot when you've got cooperation
you get to do a lot more with this with
the child. So one of the things in
understanding that is to kind of begin
to understand some basic child
development. And one of the things that
you need to realize is their attention
span. I kind of go by the rule of
thumb that a kid can attend to something
really focused for about as many minutes
as years old they are and so you know - okay.
So if you got a 2 year old, they're really not going
to stay focused for more than about 2
minutes. Now, they might stay with an
activity longer but the activities got
to change of got to maybe change a little
bit of this or they're going to move to
this place or something. But really
the attention is not very long for our
toddlers. I had a mom I was working with
not too long ago. Say, "Well I don't know
if that's really true because my
5 year-old will be on that iPad for
an hour." But what you're talking about is
because these digital devices are
engaging to kids because there's a
constant change. You look at a basic
television program for example. There's a
scene change every few seconds. Yeah.
there's a difference. Constantly changing
the stimulation and the input. So what
you're talking about is being able to
self-direct that attention in the
absence of something you know like a
digital device. So this might even look like
when you're reading a book to the child,
you read the words but then you're like,
"Oh look over here. Do you see the mouse
hiding under here? What else can you find
in this picture? You've just changed it
from listening to birds to exploring the
book. And you ask things like what do you
think is going to happen next
should we turn the page? You've just
brought the child's attention back to
the to the book over and over again.
Every little bit - every few minutes. It's
going to feel like overkill to you. Yeah
because you're not a toddler. You
start to think like a toddler more and
start to... I call it a fresh
appreciation for novelty- okay. Where
you're just kind of monitoring for - oh, oh
oh. You know like a child would. You take
a child, take a toddler on a walk. And let
them lead. It's so fascinating to see
what they noticed. Let them teach you
something about how that toddler's mind
works and then you can be a better
parent to your toddler because you're
approaching them in an appropriate
developmental stage. Okay Vicki, I have to
say this one because unfortunately, we
have people who are not doing this very
well. You've got to take care of yourself.
Because your toddler will not take care
of you. I have seen tragic cases where
the parent was out of commission because
of an addiction or because of some
problem that the parent was having and
they weren't taking out a quick care of
themselves and here's this little
toddler who is not developmentally
mature enough to do anything to
take care of anyone including themselves
and they're in a position where they
have to take care of mommy.
Yeah. Or they have to look out for dad?
Okay, that's just not fair for one thing.
But you got to take care of yourself. So
whatever you need to do to accomplish
that it's huge, that is so important.
We've shared before the example of when
you get on an airplane and they're going
through the safety routine and they
talked about those oxygen masks you know
the one and the classic line is - "Put your
own mask on first." Because if you're out
cold in the aisle, you're just in the way.
You're part of the problem. Now you got
to take care of yourself and then you're
in a position, where you can actually
take care of a toddler. Who
developmentally is in need of someone
to take care of them. So part of
taking care of yourself is to build the
community around you because the
interaction you have with a toddler is
so different than than the stimulation
and the camaraderie and the friendship
that you need. Yeah. I've got to build a
community and I would say one of the
most great ways to be a parent, a good
parent to a toddler is to spend some
time with friends who also have toddlers
because then you guys can share stories,
you can share commiserate, laugh, have
fun and another thing is laugh. I think
it's really important to laugh with your
toddler's and at things and it helps
you to grow and enjoy them more. But so
build your community really take care of
the relationship you have. If you have a
spouse or a partner or if somebody else,
whoever. There is somebody in your
community find out who it is getting
really clear. It might be your mom, it
might be your best friend, it might be
your life partner. Whoever it is. Get
really, really clear about that and then
build that relationship. So that you have
what you need with an adult so that you
can give everything you can to a toddler.
They're not going to provide for your
needs. But this community that you built
and thank you for including us in your
community. We're happy to be there with
you. This is an example of what you get
to do to build up your team. I like what
you said also Vicki about having
fun. Have some fun with this. If we're
not having fun we're doing it wrong. And
you're in a more powerful and
influential position as a parent when
you can laugh and when you can play and
when you can have some fun. In fact, play. Yeah that brings us to
an important stage or a technique of
parenting a toddler is playing with them.
You know as a speech-language
pathologist, I am often surprised and how
many parents I meet that don't know how
to play with their children. Right. Get on
the floor, get out the toys, make the same
sounds they're making. One of the things
if you can just take a few minutes
instead of directing everything. Follow
what your child is doing. Get on the
floor and use the car the same way they
are. Use the blocks and the toys and so
be willing to play with your child. You
don't have to do this all day long.
But get down there and play with them at
least once in a while. Every day a little
bit.
Yeah. But foster imagination. When you go
for a walk, look really close at the bug
on the grass if that's what your child
is looking at. Follow their lead and
they'll teach you how to play with them.
They really will. They're really good at it.
Yeah. Unfortunately we're in a world and
a culture now that has shifted a bit
toward more of the electronic,
entertainment and stimulation. And I'm
not saying that you should never use
that with your children. It's actually a
really beautiful tool that we have to
use to enhance the learning rich
environment that we can provide for our
children. The the risk that we run into
is having an electronic babysitter. Where
we plan them in front of the TV or the
iPad for hours on end or that becomes
the typical way that we entertain or
engage our children. And Vicki what
you said is so important. Not only to the
child but to the parent. This is
important to your mental health and your
position as a parent as well to learn
the skill of play. Right, and we are wired
to have interaction with people and
words and so when you talk with your child.
Talk about what you're doing. You've got
a great opportunity right now to foster
their language development which will
help them in so many ways and of course
I'm going to say that as a speech therapist
but it's really true. And it's not just
the language development. I'm a
psychologist, okay? There's psychological
development. There's social development.
Actually it's a social development in
play is super important. You know you
really want to show them how to do
turn-taking and how to win and lose
gracefully. Mm-hmm. Find win-win
situations. Another thing too I think
with toddlers and this is probably one
of the hardest ones is not to be afraid
of just a little mess
if the trade-off is for imagination and
creativity. You know I watched my
daughter-in-law. She is the
queen at this.
She was really explore things you know
like with with food and she puts like...
They'll plate...
I saw her what was it? It was a shaving
cream or was it pudding? That they were.. I
think it was chocolate pudding. Chocolate pudding. I
mean I as a mother, a grandmother
watching I'm like, "Oh man, I probably
freaked out about the mess." But she lets
them and it's really a great way for
them to find curiosity to explore. Now
you can find it whatever in a way that
you're comfortable with. But also but
don't be too attached to your comfort. Be
willing to stretch that a little bit and
when you mentioned our daughter-in-law,
another thing that she does that I think
is brilliant and this makes you a better
parent to your toddler, is that she
instead of getting upset about that, she
whips out her phone and captures it.
Right? Do you think about some of the
viral videos you see here on YouTube.
It's kids doing kid things. But mom or
dad has captured it on the phone. But
then she does this and this is so
powerful. It gets back to another point
that we made about build your community?
She shares that video. Not on Facebook or
Instagram. I mean you can do that if you
want to. But we tend to keep that in our
family. So she shares it with the
grandparents and with the uncles and
aunts. You know what is that doing? Its
building this positive,
fun, culture in the greater extended
family and you just created a huge
service to your child. That brings us
around to a great place to wrap this up.
I think Vicky and that is be positive.
Enjoy your job as a parent. There are so
many rich and delightful things and you
know what? Kids don't keep. They really do
grow up faster than you expect them to.
And in retrospect, isn't this true for
you too Vicki? It is for everybody. You look
back on it and you think, "Oh those were
such good times." You know what? Enjoy them
while you have them.
I have loved teaming up with Vicki to
be on your parenting team. You will want
to check out the parenting power up
right over here.