Hi guys, I'm Stevie!
And I'm Ari Fitz.
Today we're gonna talk about jealousy.
Alright. (with attitude)
I don't think I'm a very jealous person.
I most definitely am.
It was your idea to make a video about how not to be jealous.
Uh, Stevie, I am who I am.
So we need to give advice about how to deal with jealousy.
Yes.
And I think it's important to remember jealousy is your own internal problem.
Agreed.
When you feel insecure or angry or spiteful,
try not to project that onto your partner and make it, make them feel like it's their fault, because it's not.
They're not making you feel jealous, you just are jealous.
So, we all tend to romanticize jealousy.
We all have this notion that like if someone really, really likes you then they're going to be jealous,
when, I mean in actuality, if someone truly liked you, like really liked you
wouldn't they want you to have the freedom to experience whatever.
Preaaccch.
So, I'm really sorry I interrupted that conversation you were having with that girl. I was feeling jealous.
That must mean you really love me.
I'm sorry I pushed your dog off that couch. I was feeling jealous.
*scrambling for her thoughts*
um..yeah, that must mean you really love me.
I'm sorry I changed your phone number so your mother couldn't figure out how to contact you anymore.
I was feeling jealous.
*scrambling for thoughts* *again*
Yeah!
Uh, that must mean you really love me.
I'm sorry you're dead.
*sound effects*
*long sigh*
Jealousy is not sweet.
Ain't cute.
Oh my god.
It comes from this deep-seated, weird feeling that we own people.
Like what that is, is your experiencing a narcissistic feeling
where you think that your wife or your lover or your husband or your girlfriend or whatever belongs to you.
I don't know if you know this but they're not an object to control.
So Ari, if you understand that, which you explained very well by the way.
Why, thank you!
You're welcome! No, thank you!
No, thank you!
Aww
Awwww
Awwwwwwwwwwww
If you can figure it out so clearly, how is it that you still experience jealousy?
WELL
I am human.
And despite my non-monogamous status, I still have feelings, ya know
I still have jealous feelings, like I have like other feelings.
I struggle with jealousy like everyone else, monogamous and otherwise.
Okay. So how do you know what you're feeling is jealousy and what does it feel like?
You don't know what jealousy feels like?
I mean like I've had FOMO before...
*Ari nod of approval*
mostly about brunch though.
Brunch FOMO is real.
So, in some of my past relationships jealousy has been a really big problem.
Been an issue but because they're trying to make me jealous and I'm not, and they feel like I don't love them.
What. The.
FUCK.
Same.
Like the same thing has happened to me in a lot of my past relationships and
Like that's the thing I try to remind myself.
Whenever I start to get that like weird jealous feeling, that like shitty feeling of ownership
I just remind myself that *shrugs*
you know, they're their own person.
So you feel like you own them and they're betraying you in some way simply by experiencing what they wanna feel?
I mean that's, that's the feeling that I experience
but then I remind myself that they, just like I, we're our own people.
We're just here trying to live our best lives.
I think that we're all taught this idea that to be in a relationship that you belong to that person and they belong to you.
And so for you to experience any other feelings, despite how great they can be
that's then, you know, that's cheating on this like commitment that you made to this person.
But at the end of the day, they're just living their life, like we're just living our lives.
Obviously not talking about feeling jealous when you are being cheated on
Yes.
and when the person is being not trustworthy and all of those things.
This is feeling jealousy for reasons that aren't justified.
Put it like this.
If you're experiencing jealousy, there's really like three that you should remind yourself of.
First thing that I always remind myself is how dope it is to have that person's time.
Like how awesome is it to like, when we're together be together,
enjoy each other's time, watch Netflix together, go to the movies together.
Appreciating the time that you do get with that person is like the anti-taking them for granted.
So like if every time you spend time with that person you are grateful for it
And
Yea.
I feel like if you are grateful for it, it can stop you for ever taking if for granted.
Like you're owed their attention all of the time.
Yesss.
You know?
Yess.
Which like everybody makes a decision every single day if they want to be with you.
And I think the second thing that's really interesting is like, we've already mentioned this but
We don't own each other.
Like just because you like someone and they like you back that does not mean that like all of their time
all their interests are now yours.
I had someone recently tell me that with their ex that they had JUST met
that they weren't dating yet, they just like just met each other and maybe went on a date or something,
and then they made out with someone a couple days later, a different person
and then eventually started dating in a monogamous relationship
and that person they dated gave them shit for not "waiting".
What???
YEAH.
And at the end of the day, I mean I think it comes down to communication.
Like if you're in a monogamous relationship or non-monogamous relationship
You all decide kind of what the rules and parameters are.
You all decide like what is cheating, what is jealousy. Umm...
I think it's so weird when sometimes people tell me that they think it's cheating if, if their significant other is attracted to someone else.
Sorry, my whole face changed just now. WHAT?
Like just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean I'm suddenly blind.
I can still see people and see if they're attractive to me??
SIGHT
Sight, sight still stays there even after you say yes to the yes, no, maybe. Like..
Love is not mothafucking BLIND, okay?
YES, Stevie come through!
Yes.
And I think the final thing that really helps me, personally, like overcome my feelings of jealousy
is just imagining myself in that person's shoes.
Like, would I really want someone that I, that I love and care about
to limit my interests and my happiness in any way?
The answer is almost always, no, never.
And if you can't stop yourself from having that jealous feeling and it's all encompassing
or a certain person triggers it in you way too often,
it might be best for you to distance yourself from them.
You can feel it happening when you start to feel possessive.
Insecure.
Full of rage.
Suspicious.
Scared.
Humiliated.
Like you wanna kill someone.
And so on.
Look, all of these feelings are natural and instinctual and it's, it's not..
The goal is never to stop the feelings, cause they're gonna happen regardless,
the goal is just to let them happen.
And just move through those feelings while also respecting and loving your partner.
So I saw you flirting with Beatrice at Cheebo's tonight so you're sleeping on the couch.
Wait, what??
*buzzer noise*
I saw you flirting with Beatrice at Cheebo's so now you have to go down on me for seventeen minutes.
*Ari processing*
Okay, so, that's a level of punishment I'm down for. Let's go.
*John Cena theme song*
And just hear me out, just hear me out, everyone watching this video.
It is your job, as a non-monogamous person or a monogamous person,
to be kind to the person that is experiencing the jealousy.
WE ALL know how hard it is to be jealous.
We've all experienced that feeling and sometimes it takes a little navigation, you know?
So, I mean at the root of this, just try to avoid being a piece of garbage.
JUST DON'T BE TRASH OKAY? Cool.
Don't be trash.
Don't. Be. Trash.
Moral of the story.
Um, I just like having sex with her better than you because she's better at it.
*Ari processing*
The fuck, what??
*buzzer noise*
Two partners non-monogamous, monogamous, somewhere in between,
basically you're going to have a much more fulfilling time in this relationship if you communicate what you need and what you want from your partner.
And be patient, especially if this is new for you.
Everyone fucks up, everyone has confusing feelings.
Everyone has to figure out what works best for them.
Remember this, just because you're sharing someone's attention does not mean you're going to lose them.
In fact it just means that you get a happier, more fulfilled, real version of that person.
So I have to be honest, I'm feeling really insecure about the amount of time you're spending with Beatrice.
That makes a lot of sense. I kind of got really caught up and wrapped up in my new relationship with her and put us on the backseat.
I want you to experience anything and everything that feels good to you.
I don't own you. I know that I don't own you and I don't want to own you.
Right.
But I just want to be real about what I'm feeling.
I am so happy you're telling me this and I have a date tonight and I'm really excited about that
but I would be so excited if I could take you out on Friday and we could just spend that time together.
You make me feel so loved and you remind me of all the ways that we're just so good together
so yeah, hopefully you're available on Friday.
*Stevie noise*
Thank you guys so much for watching.
I hope that you got something out of this video about jealousy.
Same.
And good luck, good luck in your relationship and dealing with jealousy.
In the comments below, maybe go in and kind of give your own thoughts about jealousy and how you deal with it.
Yeah, do you disagree with us. Do you think we're insane or are you like...
They probably do.
PREACCCHH.
I feel like the comments are going to be very polarized.
I'm ready for it. Actually I'm gonna hop in the comments and respond to a lot of you as well so...
YEAAAAAHH
get ready for that.
Tell us what you think.
Um, also you should go check out the video on Ari's channel that we're about to make.
We're gonna do some yoga poses together.
Have you stretched already?
Nope.
OKAY. So get ready for that video.
IMMA PULL SO MANY MUSCLES.
Also, Ari and I are both on Patreon if you wanna check out both of our things.
They help us keep making videos and making them great quality.
Can I tell them that you, Stevie is one of my patrons.
I am one of your patrons.
And because of that I took her on a date.
YEAAAAHHH.
Yeah, that was fun. Our first like real date.
We both have date segments on our Patreon but no one's got the date segment from me but
*sad music plays*
Anyway, that's a different story.
Ummmm...
I'll see you guys next time, byeeeee!
Bye guys.
Are you okay?
No but yeah sure.
Oh okay.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
Are you okay??
For example, you can't just slap on a strap-on and then go right to town.
Imagine how alarming that would be.