Hello underachievers!
So you've read the title!
And today we are talking about trans things!
I haven't actually made a trans related video in a long, long time.
I guess I've made like the trans TikTok videos,
but I haven't really spoken about trance stuff.
I've actually never had an interest in being a "trans YouTuber".
The thought of being described as a "trans man" makes me gag a little!
Not that there's anything wrong with being trans,
I just feel like it's rarely relevant in the conversations where it's brought up
and, you know, I'd rather just be described as "some guy".
I'm just some guy.
Today I thought it'd be fun to answer
some questions that people are too afraid to ask trans people
because I enjoy answering invasive and awkward questions.
I don't know why, it is just very fun to me.
And also, I love clearing up like, misrepresentations people may have
about specific groups.
So, why the hell not?
Of course I just need to preface this video by saying that
I do in fact speak for the entire trans community.
I speak for the she/hers,
I speak for they/them...
Any they/them say "Ay-Oh"
- [Everyone] Ay-Oh!
I speak for the he/hims.
I speak for the ze/zirs.
I speak for the she/theys, the he/theys--
I speak for all the theys.
I speak for them/all.
I am just kidding, I don't speak for every trans person.
I can only speak for myself,
but I will try and, you know, make my answers applicable to...
Every trans person ever.
And last warning before I start the video:
Trigger warning, we will be talking about sex and other things
that may make trans people uncomfortable.
And speaking of sex...
Do you remember that little video I did a few years ago,
where I unboxed a bunch of adult toys from 'Adam & Eve'?
Oh, my God!
My whole head went like...
Yeah, me too.
Well, I just want to give another quick shout out to 'Adam & Eve'.
If you are interested in some adult toys...
You know, the toys for adults only.
Then head over to AdamandEve.com.
They have a great, a GREAT amount of adult toys,
which I'm sure if you're looking for something, they'll have it.
You can actually get 50% off one item
and free shipping in the US and Canada, if you use my discount code "NOAH".
And they've always been good to me
and they've always been good to the trans community.
Especially the trans community online, so, you know, if you're looking for anything,
and you want to purchase something,
then head over to AdamandEve.com.
Hell yeah.
Let's start off with a fun one!
"Does masturbating make you dysphoric?"
Now...
This is a personal question to me, but I also feel like I need to talk about,
like other trans people, so...
"Does masturbating make you dysphoric?"
I think it depends entirely on the person,
entirely on the situation,
entirely what mood you're in,
what headspace you're in.
Sometimes, yes, it does still make me dysphoric.
And back in the day, it made me very dysphoric.
It's almost like a curse,
because when you start testosterone, you get SO in the mood!
You get so horny all the time and...
You know, looking back to when I started testosterone,
there are many things I wish I didn't post.
I went through a big Bill Skarsgård phase,
and that was purely, I think, because of the testosterone.
Horniness.
But, does masturbate make you dysphoric?
Obviously different trans people have different levels of dysphoria.
If you have pretty bad bottom dysphoria, then yeah,
I'd say that masturbation probably would make you dysphoric.
They're all kind of like works around, though,
like obviously, depending on what adult content you watch.
You may feel slightly different, so if you're watching like a POV.
Big [ ] in front of me,
that may help.
But really, when it comes to like,
doing it in a way that will make you as least dysphoric as possible,
doing it under the sheets,
where you can't see your bits,
is probably a good way to go.
But, you know, some trans people don't get dysphoric at all,
when they do that.
So it really does just depend.
"Do you think you would have been transphobic if you were cis?"
Probably.
Most likely, at least for a bit.
Like, I went to a naval boarding school,
where, you know, people weren't gay,
and the people that were gay were outed.
So nobody actually came out from their own choice.
It was not the best environment for an LGBT person.
Or really for like, anybody.
That's a bit different.
Obviously, my friends were lovely.
My friends weren't homophobic or transphobic,
but there were like, so many people around me that were,
and saying transphobic and homophobic things were so normalized
that I feel like, even though I did know I was trans,
those kind of things, I heard them
and they just didn't faze me because I was so used to it.
I think maybe I would have been,
but then also thinking about like,
both of my parents were not homophobic or transphobic.
They were definitely both like...
Ignorant, about like trans needs and like, the details of trans people,
but like, they both had gay friends,
they both were aware of trans people...
When I came out, it didn't faze either of them.
It's an interesting question, because it's one I can't really answer,
because like, would I have all these LGBT trans friends
if I wasn't trans?
I probably would!
But I don't know, I feel like everybody is transphobic until they're not.
In the same way that like, everybody is racist until they like,
unlearn those racist tendencies.
So yeah! I probably would have been transphobic,
but not like, violently transphobic.
More just like, ignorant transphobic and like:
"I don't understand these people" kind of transphobic,
which is still transphobic, but not the worst form.
"What are others supposed to do when we mess up with pronouns?"
So this is a question I get a lot
and I feel like it's a really easy answer:
Just apologize and move on.
Like, say you're talking to someone, you're like:
"Oh, yeah, she did this--
"Oh, sorry, he.
"He did this and this happened".
That's all you have to do.
You don't need to be like, "oh, [ ], sorry!
"Oh, my God, goddamn, I'm the worst, I can't believe I did that,
"it's just, I still see you as a girl and it's really hard for me--"
Like, the best thing that you can do is just apologize
and correct yourself and continue with the conversation,
because not only it's uncomfortable for you,
like sure, you feel terrible and awkward and uncomfortable
that you accidentally misgendered someone,
but it's incredibly uncomfortable and incredibly awkward for the trans person
that you just misgendered.
And, you know like, the more attention you put on the fact that you misgendered someone,
the more uncomfortable a trans person will feel,
because they'll be like, "oh, everybody is looking at me.
"Everyone knows I'm trans.
"Everyone knows it's really uncomfortable".
It's just not a nice situation, so the best thing that you can do
is just say, "sorry, he";
or "sorry, she";
or, "sorry, they";
and then continue with your sentence.
Kind of like the same way you'd correct yourself if you misgendered a dog.
Like, "oh, such a cute boy!"
- Actually, it's a girl.
"Oh, sorry. Such a cute girl!"
It's not difficult
and you do not need to overcompensate with your apology,
because I can guarantee you that makes everybody else more uncomfortable.
"Is it upsetting for a trans guy who hasn't had bottom surgery,
"if a cis gay guy isn't interested because of genitalia?"
Probably, upsetting is like, a decent word to use.
For me, I wouldn't really use the word "upsetting".
For me, it's kind of just like, "ah, that sucks!
"But we move on!"
I don't know why this whole idea that like, trans people will like,
demand cis people to sleep with them, came from?
Because that is like,
not the case with any trans person I've ever met and...
Believe me, I've met a lot of trans people.
Trans people understand that sexuality is not a choice.
Trans people absolutely understand that certain preferences aren't a choice.
And I've never had somebody be angry or like, upset,
about the fact that a cis person won't want to sleep with them.
It's more kind of just disappointing, but like, we live in the body we live in.
We live our experience.
And it's not uncommon for, you know, certain people to not want to sleep with us.
That's fine.
The same with like, anybody.
But, of course. for a lot of trans people it would like spark a lot of like dysphoria,
like, "oh, God, this guy was really attracted to me and then I told him I was trans
"and he was like: 'Oh, not really into doing that' ".
So, of course that would make someone uncomfortable,
but it's not the end of the day.
There is absolutely somebody that will sleep with you.
Do not worry about that, at all.
I was very worried about that.
I thought I would be a virgin forever and that did not happen at all!
"Do you ever have dreams where you are the gender you were born as?"
I had to think about this one hard and I honestly don't think that
I do have dreams where I'm a girl.
I had a dream where I got top surgery again
and it ended up looking really bad.
But do I have dreams where I was a girl?
I really don't think so!
But like, dreams are not like--
Dreams are weird!
I'm sure a lot of trans people have dreams where they're with the gender they're assigned at birth.
"Does your partner or your friends know your deadname?"
So, again,
every trans person is different.
In my life, the people that know my deadname are, of course,
the friends that knew me before I came out.
Like, my friends would come around my house
and my parents would be using a different name that they knew me by.
Friends that I've made since after I've come out,
they don't know my deadname.
Corry knows my deadname, but that's only because it made me...
It just like-- It felt weird him not knowing.
And not every trans person is gonna feel like that,
but like, I went by a name for 18 years of my life
and I like showing--
This is so--!
I like showing people my medical records, because I found them interesting,
and they found them interesting.
And it's just like, there are so many things that like,
I would have to avoid showing him if I wanted him to not know my deadname.
And that is too much effort, and like, too much stress,
so like, he knows it.
But nobody should feel entitled to knowing your deadname.
Nobody really needs to know apart from maybe like,
medical professionals that don't want to get your files mixed up,
or like, stuff like that.
But like, your friends don't need to know.
Your partner doesn't need to know.
It's all about how comfortable you feel with telling them.
But just in my experience with Corry,
I was like, it's more of a burden that he doesn't know.
"How do you have sex as a trans person when you're not comfortable with your genitals?"
So...
This is a tricky one.
Some advice I would give is that, before you do end up having sex with somebody,
you need to sit them down and be like:
"Hey, here is what I'm comfortable with.
"Here's where I'm comfortable being touched.
"Here are the words that I'm comfortable being used to refer to my body parts.
"Here are some words that you should please avoid in all cases.
"Do not use these words".
So then, at least, you don't need to worry about your partner, like,
overstepping any boundaries that you haven't set,
because you've set those boundaries.
And if they overstep them, then, you know, that's their responsibility.
Obviously, it's absolutely your responsibility to tell people what you are okay with
and what you're not okay with.
Otherwise, you know, there's gonna be some issues.
Something that helps maybe not getting entirely naked,
I know that I did not take off my binder
AT ALL,
until I had top surgery.
Like I, like-- No one...
No one I did anything with ever saw my boobies,
only my surgeon saw my boobies.
So I usually would wear a top, or like, take the top off
and still be wearing a binder.
But, you know, you can wear as many clothes as it is possible to wear
while doing that.
Turning the lights off can help because, you know,
a lot of the dysphoria comes from like, seeing yourself and being like...
Maybe even like, blindfolding yourself,
because there's no chance of seeing anything then.
Maybe put on distracting music,
so your head isn't automatically going to the sounds that are going on.
It honestly is like, very different to having sex as a cis person,
while also being like, exactly the same.
Like, everybody's gonna have insecurities.
Everybody's gonna have to take things at their own pace.
And if your pace is really slow because of your dysphoria,
that's absolutely fine.
You kind of just need to make sure that the person you're doing it with
s respectful of your boundaries
and is aware of the things that could trigger you.
And just like, take it slow,
because like, that is never a rush.
It's okay to, you know, start doing things
and getting uncomfortable and then stop.
Like, that is entirely okay.
That's absolutely fine.
"Do you ever get jealous over jizz?
"Because it is a very clear indicator that you aren't cis if you don't have jizz.
I guess?
Like, I literally-- The point I am at like--
Right, I know I talk about this a lot, maybe.
Maybe I don't, but,
the point in my life that I am at right now, being trans is SO irrelevant to me.
And I know that seems unbelievable because
I'm literally making a video talking about trans stuff,
but I only ever think about being trans when I'm on the internet
and I see all these shitty trans bills being passed
and people being transphobic in my DM's, obviously.
But like, there was a time where 24/7 I was constantly thinking about being trans
and constantly being jealous of cis guys,
and constantly worrying about how I was perceived,
and constantly worrying about how I was presenting myself to the world,
and constantly worrying that people thought I was a girl.
Like, these were thoughts that were running through my mind 24/7,
and that's absolutely normal
for a trans person that is pre-transitioned,
that has not come out,
that is not comfortable with their body...
I'm at a point now where--
Obviously I'd love a [ ]!
I would [ ] love that!
I would love that [ ] balls!
Right, if I could get that right now
and they would be the same as a cis [ ] ball,
I would take him right now.
But I'm at a point now where I'm like, I like the shape of my body now,
because of the T and the working out i've been doing
and the body fat redistribution and the muscle I've gained...
I'm comfortable with the shape of my body.
There are like, things that I'm still like, not crazy about,
but I don't get jealous of jizz anymore.
There was a time where I did get jealous that I could never jizz
and there was a time where I did get jealous that I'd never be able to have like, a wank,
like a cis guy could.
And like, those feelings are fine.
I just don't feel like that now, because, you know,
I'm past giving a [ ] about any of that.
But, to answer the question,
yes, I am sure that a lot of trans guys are jealous of cis guys
for being able to jizz.
Like, the older I get, the more I just think about
how those things don't really matter,
but I also understand that like,
it's taken me years and years to get to a point where I can feel like that, so...
I can't expect pretty trans guys to feel like that,
because Jesus Christ, if i was pre-T,
hadn't come out and was like, ridiculously dysphoric,
and I saw some guy who had been like, three years on testosterone,
who had no titties,
trying to tell me that, "oh, you don't need to worry about like,
"you don't need to worry about that!
"It's so silly that you're jealous that you can't jizz,
"like just deal with it".
Because that's not a good approach.
But realistically, in the end, it doesn't really matter that much.
And I hope that people watching this can reach that point
in their life when they are comfortable with not
experiencing things like that.
"Do you ever not feel like yourself looking in the mirror after transitioning?"
The answer to this is "yes" and "no",
because it's like...
When you first start testosterone, and when you get surgery,
looking at yourself in the mirror, you are drastically changing.
You are changing like, every single day.
Like, every morning I'd wake up and be like,
"oh, what's different about me now?"
And, obviously...
That's not the usual experience for most people,
when most people go through puberty.
It happens over a long period of time,
whereas when you go on testosterone
and you're injecting yourself with that every few weeks,
you will wake up and look different,
and feel different,
and smell different,
and, you know,
you will look in the mirror and be like:
"That is me, but also, what the [ ]?"
But there's also the part of my brain that was just like,
"this is how I should look".
Like, I know I'm not used to it yet, but this is how I am happy looking.
So it's a kind of thing of being like,
"I don't recognize myself because I looked different last week".
But it's also kind of like,
"I recognize myself more than I ever have".
It's a very weird experience, but it is very exciting
and very fun
and nobody should transition just because it's exciting and fun,
but, you know...
If medical transition is something that you do need in your life,
then like...
Looking forward to changes
every day, every week, every month, every year.
So exciting!
"Did you ever think you were just a masc girl?"
So, again this is a "yes" and "no" answer,
because like, I was in denial about being trans for a very long time.
Like, if i look back to my childhood there are videos of me telling my mom
and my brother that i wanted to be a "Busted man",
that I wanted to be a guy.
And then when I grew up a bit and it was socially unacceptable to say those things,
I was just in denial and I was like,
"oh, I'm just a girl...
"Who's incredibly uncomfortable with herself,
"with her boobs,
"with being called a 'girl',
"with looking like a girl,
"with being treated like a girl".
so in like, one sense, like, yeah!
I did think I was a masc girl, but that was just because
I did not realize that being trans was really a thing that was achievable for me.
And then, on the other hand, it was just like...
My entire life I never felt like a girl.
Like, obviously "feeling like a girl" is like, one thing that
isn't incredibly tangible, but like, I always felt like,
I was not whatever people thought I was.
It really is an impossible thing to explain to somebody who is not trans.
I feel like most people watching me are probably a bit gay,
so maybe I'll kind of relate it to that.
It probably feels similar to like,
if you're a lesbian, it probably feels similar to being like,
growing up your whole life and being like:
"Oh, I should like guys",
but never really feeling like that was the thing that you were.
Like you never really felt like a straight girl.
The idea of being with a man and the idea of getting married to a man
and having kids with a man was always a bit off in your head.
You were always a bit like...
"Like, I know that's what I'm supposed to do,
"but like it feels kind of weird thinking about it".
That's how I felt about being a girl,
like I could not picture my future at all.
And it's the weirdest thing because now I can picture my future
and I know exactly what iIwant to do,
and it wasn't even that like--
I wasn't sure like, what job I wanted;
or like, what I wanted to do with my life.
It was literally just like:
"I cannot picture myself growing up and being a woman.
"I can't see myself as a woman.
"When I look in the mirror, I don't see myself as a woman;
"and I know everybody else sees me as a girl,
"but there is just something in my brain that is telling me that like,
"when you grow up you either will be a man,
"or you won't exist".
And not in a morbid, like,
"you're gonna, you know, aliven't".
More just in a way that like...
It just--
My brain just didn't compute being a girl.
I don't know, it's a really interesting conversation,
but like, maybe not one for right now.
"If you're FTM and have a boyfriend,
"do you have butt or other whole sex?"
Again, depends entirely on the person.
And it also depends on like, any type of couple,
like, any type of relationship.
People have sex differently.
Obviously, if you have all the equipment,
and it works,
there is nothing wrong with using that equipment.
It's actually quite enjoyable.
But again, if you have that equipment,
and it works,
and you don't feel comfortable using it or you have no desire to use it,
that's also fine.
There are so many different ways that you can have sex.
And it really isn't anybody else's business how are you having sex,
but this wasn't a question that was personally related to me.
so I won't talk about my sex life.
"Do you ever miss anything of being born a girl?"
I am asked this question a lot
and I really struggle to answer the question with a "yes".
The things I miss about being a girl are not things that are related to being a girl.
It's more things that I miss about being like, "cis".
Or like just being perceived as cis.
Like, I miss not experiencing transphobia.
I miss not having to worry about people turning me down,
or people rejecting me,
or people not liking me,
or people judging me,
or feeling a specific way about me, because I'm trans.
Like, I miss not having that whole issue.
i do miss not having to put testosterone every day,
because it's like, an inconvenience.
And it feels sticky on my belly.
I miss not having to explain to my doctor when I go to appointments that I'm trans
and that I'm on this medication and then I had surgery at this point.
And this is why I have a different NHS number and like,
all that kind of stuff!
Just like, inconveniences like that.
Like I just don't--
There's nothing I miss about like, "being a girl",
because I never really "was a girl",
and I know I keep saying like,
"people say I was a girl, but I was a girl".
I was a girl in the sense that people perceived me as a girl.
And I thought I was a girl, because I didn't know that I could transition.
But I feel the same way about my identity now,
that I did when I was five.
So like, do I miss anything about being a girl?
Miss not--
Miss not having big old scars on my titties,
but I really...
They don't bother me, like, at all.
Like, I just don't miss anything
and I'm sure some people do-- I got really bendy elbows.
But no, I don't miss anything, really.
Last question:
"Are you taking testosterone?
"Because you're so baby-faced".
Now, this could be taken in two ways:
"Are you taking testosterone?
"Because you're so baby-faced!"
Like, "are you taking testosterone?"
They think I'm not taking testosterone because I have a baby face.
Or it could be:
"Are you taking testosterone?
"Because you have a baby face".
Like, "are you taking testosterone?
"because you have a baby face and you want it to not be baby".
I am taking testosterone.
I just have a baby face.
I'm just-- I just--
I'm just young looking!
I'm-- I'm just a twink.
That's all I can say.
But yeah!
That's the end of the video!
I hope you enjoyed it!
If you have any other questions, drop them down in the comment section!
Even if they're invasive or uncomfortable,
don't be afraid to ask them!
Only on this video, though!
Don't comment invasive and weird and uncomfortable questions
on videos where I'm not asking for them.
But I'm asking for them now,
and I won't be mad at you for asking them.
This is a safe space.
But, yeah!
That's the end of the video.
Have a good day, or don't.
See you later losers.
Goodbye!
Also, stream my music, you know!
NOAHFINNCE,
"STUFF FROM MY BRAIN".
Buy my merch, if you want.
And, maybe, I will do more shows...
But only if you stream my music!