Howdy!
Hey Boo, this is a long shot but uh...
could you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
You can? Really? [BOO CHUCKLES]
Yeah, sure buddy! Lead the way!
Huh... I never thought it’d be this easy to find this place!
Uh, thanks, Boo.
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Ah. Now that we’re here, let’s visit Elmo.
Because today, we’re looking at the most demented,
terrifying episodes of Elmo’s World, ever created!
But, without further of my preamble, let’s check out the
Six Darkest Elmo’s World Episodes!
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Oh, don’t give me that look. I know what I’m doing!
Onto the countdown!
Number six...
'Bugs!'
Here, the great moral and spiritual leader Elmo teaches us
about the monstrous flying godzillas of our worlds!
That’s right, insects!
The number one killer of humanity, for all of recorded history!
We start the episode by discovering that the poor
Mr. Noodle is actually homeless!
I mean look at him here!
He’s sleeping on a bench, desperately trying to shelter
himself with whatever newspaper he can find!
But as he sleeps, he’s mercilessly attacked
by dirty, vicious flies!
Mr. Noodle wakes up to teach us the transportation
techniques of these exoskeleton monsters.
Unfortunately, we soon lose Mr. Noodle as he’s captured
and taken hostage by a giant net!
Oh, no! Will we ever see Mr. Noodle again?
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Well yes, he is in the next episode.
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Alright, alright! He’s perfectly fine!
Take all the bubbles out of my soda pop, why don’t you?
- Mr. Noodle is a butterfly!
- And one particular insect Elmo introduces is...
more than a little creepy.
- Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven...
- Ew...!
I know it’s just a centipede, but even in cartoon form
these 200 leg abominations still make my skin crawl.
Anyway, then Elmo shows us... the bug channel!
A channel that somehow actually exists.
- Look at those cute little ants! Do they have uncles? Ha, ha ha!
- Despite the fact that no one would
ever watch the bug channel!
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Oh, yeah. Maybe entimologists.
And then we’re treated to... the bug song.
# Bug, bug, bug, bug, bug! #
Even Sesame Street, what I consider the best kids show in the world,
even they cannot make a fly look cute!
Oh, Jeebus! You can tell the creator tried to make it cute!
But it’s just an uphill battle to make anything
beyond a beetle or a butterfly look not horrifying!
I don’t know, it’s a valiant effort, but I honestly
would have liked to see Elmo try and explain
mosquitoes to the children!
“Oh! Elmo is learning about mosquitoes!
They stick pincers in our skin to suck our blood,
transfer deadly diseases, and have been killing half a million
humans a year for the entire recorded history of humanity!
These diseases include malaria, yellow fever, dengue fever,
encephalitis and Zika virus!
People like Strider think the mosquito population
deserves a taste of their own medicine,
and should be brought to extinction!”
Anyway, jokes aside, I think Sesame Workshop did a
great job trying to explain what could not have
been an easy subject, but a very important subject to kids.
[BUZZING.]
[SPLAT!]
Gotcha!
And for number five...
'Karate!'
Okay, the first thing that needs to be acknowledged
is the scariest thing in Elmo’s World ever.
That!
- Sounds exciting!
- Eurgh!
I just still think there’s some things out there
that can’t be made to look friendly.
Like massive, blood red curtains!
Anyway, here we learn Elmo’s true identity!
Elmo is in fact... a blood thirsty karate master!
Capable of mass destruction with his very bare hands!
- First, karate master Elmo, will teach you
the special karate chop!
- So I guess we can start calling Elmo... Sensei Elmo!
But soon, Elmo must take on the mysterious dark stranger,
who deforms and misshapes each shape upon the
martial arts field.
And his name is... The Ooze!
- They call me simply The Ooze!
- And you can tell with CG this disturbing and uncanny,
he must be truly evil!
- What is that?!
- For The Ooze will destroy any shape and reduce it to tatters!
Which means he could potentially misshape the atom,
split it, and create a nuclear blast across Sesame Street!
Knowing this, just look how terrified Elmo is!
But being the bold karate master Elmo is,
he swears to overcome his terror and
stop the nuclear blast monster!
So he meets The Ooze on the battlefield,
to fight him in brutal bloody combat!
Anyway, let the fight begin!
So Elmo steps up to the block, and using his amazing
karate master skills he makes... a hexagon.
- It's a pentagooooon!
- Oh, uh... my bad, sorry, a pentagon. I knew that!
So apparently, instead of engaging in combat,
The Ooze just wants to be... a square.
- I'm a square!
- Why yes, sir! You certainly are.
You are a complete square.
Number four...
'Firefighters.'
In this episode, Elmo teaches us the sombre lesson
of how to fight a blazing inferno!
In fact, we begin the episode by seeing the fire department
rushing into his house.
- Firefighters, you know? Firefighters, yay-- oop!
- Coming throoooough!
- Ha ha, yaaaay!
- Elmo is... disturbingly happy to learn of the impending
blazing doom of his house.
We also get to meet the very talented
Miss. Noodle in this episode.
- Uh, Miss. Noodle? Wow!
Miss. Noodle is really good at spinning! Oop!
- Who teaches us of the armouring necessary to protect
firefighters from the horrors of searing hot temperatures!
- That’s a suit of armour! You can’t fight a fire in that!
That’s what knights wear to keep safe.
- And what jousting knights use to knock their opponents down!
Hmm, interesting.
And then... ah, well, Elmo says.
- Ah, ha ha! Boy, those noodles are very good at getting wet!
[RECORD SCRATCH.]
- I-I'm sorry, Elmo. What did you just say?
- Those noodles are very good at getting wet!
- Anyway, moving on.
- And now...
- Coming through!
- Oh, they must be going to put out a fire!
- Yes Elmo, in your home.
I think you should be a little more concerned about this
and perhaps not do the Principal Skinner routine
of pretending it’s not there!
In fact, all of Sesame Street seems to be breaking out
in a fiery blaze!
Oscar turns out to be a trained arsonist,
who starts trashcan fires just to eat his breakfast!
- It’s gonna be just the way I like it.
- Burnt!
- Luckily, the fire department is quick to respond!
- Elmo continues by teaching us of the many
things that can burn us.
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Hey, nice hat buddy!
You’re really getting into the groove of this, aren’t ya?
Now, in all seriousness, obviously these are really important
lessons to teach kids.
And I’m glad Elmo does so.
And for number three...
‘Teeth.’
We begin with Elmo being crushed with a
wardrobe full of giant teeth!
And then... most horrifying of all...
[Dun, dun, duuuuuun!] - Teeth! Ha, ha!
- Oh, Jeebus! What the crap, Elmo?!
I think I’ll be seeing that face in my nightmares!
In fact, the episode works hard to give the kids
as much teeth-related nightmare fuel as possible!
But I also gotta give props to my favourite
characters, Mr and Mrs. Noodle.
Both Mr and Mrs. Noodle are very talented characters.
Able to communicate everything to the kids with
no dialogue at all.
I still remember some of these Noodle segments
from over 20 years ago now.
Anyway, the disturbing moments continue as we’re shown a
nauseating collection of items that certainly
should not ever have teeth!
- Do birthday cakes have teeth?
- No!
- The only time they would have teeth is in a film so creepy
that even David Lynch would be asking to tone it down!
- Birds have beaks!
- Yeah, they do!
But I won’t be able to see a parrot without teeth for months now!
Then we’re given a bizarre remake of Pac-Man with...
disembodied human teeth!
Complete with a nice big close-up just to assure
I can see nothing but human teeth in my head
for the next several hours!
But then.. we’re shown the true bane of adult
homo sapien existence!
- I’m not just any tooth, you know? I am a wisdom tooth!
So I’m very smart and I know a great deal about teeth!
- Yeah, you also make peoples' inner cheeks bleed like crazy,
and cause endless pain till’ we finally relent and just
get the dentist to pull the stupid things out!
- Wow! Elmo really loves teeth!
- Oooh, so do I!
- And we’re somehow not done with creepy footage yet!
Because Elmo is going to be transmuted into
creepy hybrid animals!
Such as Beaver Elmo, or Shark Elmo,
something I never thought I’d see!
I guess Elmo’s now here to show us Sesame Street’s
take on Jaws!
Jeebus! Not funny, Boo!
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Number two...
'Wild Animals!'
Here, our great moral and spiritual leader Elmo teaches us
about the wild creatures lurking in the forest.
Or maybe your front door!
In fact, Elmo is so dedicated to teaching us, he lets a pack
of wild animals run amok in his home!
[ANIMALS ROARING.]
Such as the ferocious lion, tiger and bear!
And even the dreaded monkey!
- A monkey!
- Well they’re smart creatures, you know?
They can steal your change!
Fortunately no one is hurt.
But we soon learn the Big Bad Wolf is on the loose!
Who roars with such ferocity that he blows
Goldilocks away!
- What do wild animals eat?
Where are you going? Where-- where did they all go?
- Why, carnivores like the lion here like to tear apart
and feast upon the flesh of other animals!
And bears eat well... fish, fruit and fruits?
And from garbage bins if Canada's taught us anything.
And for number one...
‘Elmo’s World News - Caring For Each Other.’
Hah! You see what I did there?
Yeah, it’s technically Elmo’s World, but it’s just got
“News” at the end! Heh!
Behold! The birthplace of the catchiest
"Wash Your Hands" song of all time!
I can actually imagine this song getting remixed
at some sort of rave dance party.
# Wash, washy wash, washy wash, wash your hands! #
# Scrub ‘em while you sing this song! #
Here, Elmo and his friends teach us how to survive
in the middle of the pandemic!
Good on ‘em!
With the help of his partner in crime!
Cookie Monster, Grover and special reporter Raya!
Fun fact, Raya was actually introduced in a campaign in India,
Bangladesh and Nigeria, funded by the
Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
Anyway, Raya and Elmo give us the rundown on
maintaining daily routines, such as play and exercise,
and how to maintain these even when they can’t go outside.
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Oh, fine. One more verse from the fantabulous “Wash Your Hands” song.
Oh, feel that beat, man!
You wash those hands with a vengeance!
# Wash, washy wash, washy wash, wash! #
Even Abby pops in to teach an exercise and cooldown routine.
And we finish with a final catchy song about gratefulness,
one of the most important keys to finding self-contentment.
No big jokes here, this was just Elmo and the crew
doing a very important job, in one of the most
stressful times in recent human history.
Thumbs up, Sesame Street! Good job!
- Oh, thank you for joining Elmo on Elmo’s World News!
- And obviously, in all seriousness, this is the kind of
show I’d rather my niece see than something like Peppa Pig.
Elmo’s World has honestly turned out to be a
phenomenal Sesame Street spin off.
It's a quality show young kids can still look forward to,
without it being mindless trash.
Anyone who thinks you actually have to talk like idiots
in order to speak down to little, little kids,
I say look at Sesame Street over the last several decades to see
how young children’s entertainment can actually be done well.
And Elmo is one of the most charming kid’s show
hosts we could ask for.
So I’m glad it’s him teaching these lessons.
Well Boo, as much as this was a nice tour,
any ideas on how to get out of Sesame Street as well?
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
Oh! Excellent. Lead the way!
Ah, it’s good to be home.
And as always, thanks for watching.
And I'll see you next time!
[BOO CHUCKLES.]
[Captions by XenonHatcher.]