for a great part stoicism teaches you
how to reach a peaceful state of mind
and being unmoved by things that are not
up to you one of these things are
insults which often lead to the receiver
getting hurt angry and even resentful
the thing is what other people say to us
is beyond our control nevertheless the
majority of people seem to get triggered
when they get insulted that's why I
decided to make a video about how to
deal with insults
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in this age it seems that no matter what
we say there's always someone offended
it's almost like people are deliberately
looking for the experience of getting
insulted in order to let out their anger
and fight back I think that most Stoics
would agree that most of the time
getting triggered is a waste of time of
course there are situations in which
self-defense is a must but Betty thinks
like a verbal insult are not worth
wasting your energy on unless you're
like me and like to troll the insult or
sometimes just for entertainment and in
fact it's a very stupid thing to do
because it could escalate the situation
to violence nevertheless the gap between
insults and actual violence is often
large enough to give us room to let
insults and even threats slide off of
our shoulders and move on this way we
maintain our peace of mind there are
different ways to approach an insult
depending on the type of insult when
someone throws an insult at me the first
thing I ask myself is Who am I dealing
with because in many cases the insult er
is just plain ignorant if that's the
case spending time on the insult is
rather pointless the negative
visualization which I explained in the
video seven stoic exercises for inner
peace link below is a great preventive
measure making it easier for you to
filter out these types of insults during
the day other insults are driven by
anger and could be paired with violence
like a punch in the face so will you
strike back in this letter to Lucilius
called on anger Seneca explains that not
striking back we'll stop the quarrel
because it takes two people to fight yes
the attacker or insulter might be
perceived as the winner
but according to Seneca the winner is
actually the real loser especially if
the intention of the attacker is to
provoke a reaction by not reacting he or
she loses the opportunity for a fight
Seneca wrote and I quote he struck you
well then do you fall back if you strike
him in turn you will give him both an
opportunity and an excuse for striking
you again you will not be able to
withdraw yourself from the struggle when
you please and quote
another type of insults is the one that
actually carries wisdom in it when
someone tells you something that offends
you instead of striking back defending
yourself and getting angry take some
time to reflect on the insult what can I
learn from this what is my role in this
should I ask the insult to explain more
about the insult could this be an
opportunity to improve the relationship
with the insulter calmly examining an
insult is like killing two birds with
one stone you maintain your peace of
mind and you are given a potential
opportunity for improvement what's the
point in getting upset when you are
dealing with insults Epictetus goes one
step further telling us to remind
ourselves that not the outside
circumstances create the insult but our
own judgments he said and I quote
remember that what is insulting is not a
person who abuses you or hits you but
the judgment about them that they are
insulting and quote people that are
offended by petty things often don't
realize that their minds have turned
these petty things into an insult many
times they are offended by people that
don't even have the intention of being
insulting in that case it might be a
good idea to examine your own mind
before you get triggered this doesn't
mean that we should not defend ourselves
if necessary especially when your life
is in danger
striking down your enemy is justified
however there's always a danger that we
cannot let go of an event happened in
the past regardless of who started it
and who ended it attaching ourselves to
this event results in resentment and
oftentimes a desire for revenge
this can lead to even more suffering
than the event itself so isn't it much
better to just let it go
a good way to learn how this is done is
by taking a look at animals an animal
fights and quarrels but a few minutes
later it resumes its existence like
nothing has happened like Stoics they
live in the present moment not holding
on to resentment like humans do
the world isn't perfect and you're not
entitled to a perfect life no matter if
the media tells you otherwise
in fact most things in life especially
people will act in ways that are not in
your best interest what people throw
into your direction is not up to you
getting offended however is a choice if
you let go you will travel lightly
through life so you can spend your
energy on the things that truly matter
to you thank you for watching
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