AAAAA, YAH-HAH-HOooh... yehhh.
Okay, I- immediately... UMM
kinda thirsty... *sigh* eh.
What's up guys? It's Emma, welcome back
That felt weird. Anyways *phone dings*
shut the Frick! up >:(
I'm literally so annoyed right now
Hi! So what's up guys. It's Emma.
You know me, you probably don't like me that much but you probably like me a little bit, cause that's why you're here.
I'm pretty excited for today's video
I mean I'm excited for every video, right? I mean, right. We're always excited here in this family, but
especially this one because today we're eating big and-
no pun intended
*WHEEZE* *Chuckling*
blink
This video is gonna be pretty extreme. I mean, like, not gonna lie, might get like 1 billion views. Gundam [sic] style
move out of the f*cking way, baby
cause this video is gonna be f*cking crazy. So as you guys know
I have kind of an obsession with whisks. It all started with the mini whisk
*pause*
hold on. Mini whisk! Right? You know, one day I used her and
she was just something else and stole my heart. <3 Of course
I also have a regular whisk, but we don't really give a f*ck about her, uh-huh-hmm...
Anyways. Well then somebody had the nerve to send this to my PO box- hold on - this bitch, right?
I mean she doesn't do anything- at all, but she's cute though, right? Okay
well, then I was sent this whisk. Yeah, it gets smaller! Like, who would have thought? I mean you guys
I don't know where you're, like, whisk dealer is, but you guys got all the goods.
And then when you thought it couldn't get any better - look at this.
I was also sent an even smaller whisk
keychain. The moral of the story is: you guys know I love whisks. You guys have been gifting me with these whisks for the past,
you know, few months. Well, then one day
I'm at the PO box and um, I get a box. (Yeah, no shit! *booing*) And this box is huge. The size of me.
I mean, I'm not that tall but like it's still pretty big, for like a box. And I was like, wow, what could be in there?
I shake the box. Hmm, something's rattling, like: "this is weird, like what could this be?" I opened it up and my life changed forever.
I was sent this
*Applause*
Yeah. *coffee music* Ever since I was sent this whisk, I
knew that I needed to do something, and it needed to be big. Then it dawned on me: big whisk = big food. Yeah, bitch
That's what we're doing today. Today, we're gonna be making the biggest cookie that America has ever seen, and I'm pretty excited about it.
I don't know. Umm, I like
it big?
*jeering and booing*
*exit*
So here's my game plan-
(airbending)
Actually, do you know what? You're just gonna follow along. For the type of cookie that we're making today,
we're gonna be making Chocolate Chunk cookies, because they're superior to the rest of the cookies and not only all of that,
but these cookies are vegan so for all my vegan thots out there:
I gotchu ;)
And for all the girls who are going to Coachella: these cookies are very healthy
and will most likely fit into your very restrictive and mentally draining diet
<3
this really works for everyone - heh
Good!
Alright, while I'm doing this, you know, cause this part's not interesting,
I'm just like putting all the ingredients together and whatnot, so let me tell you a story. Right? Sounds good?
No? Well, you're gonna hear it anyway, so...
I kinda missed that. Cute! This is just something that happened to me today
and I just wanted to share. Also, this outfit, like these leggings with this top doesn't match at all
but you weren't supposed to see the bottom half of my body, and now that you did, it's like awkward.
Sorry! Anyways, a little while ago, I tweeted that I saw some beautiful creature of a man- well, actually, a boy
I mean he's like my age, but- at Whole Foods
or that's the location I said on Twitter because I didn't want to actually say where I saw him just in case for some reason
he saw the tweet somehow, which he would never see the tweet,
but like just in case he did like- like- I- I- just I- I- I would die!
*struggling*
Sorry
One of those things where it's like: you see him,
and then you're like: "wow he's so beautiful!" Then you're like: "welp, never gonna see him again."
Well, guess what? I f*cking saw him again today. I saw him again! He's- okay, I'm sorry, my luck is bad. Every day
I have bad luck, the
universe is testing me at all times, so the fact that I saw him twice- by the way, this is palm shortening
I don't know what that is, and I like don't want to know,
but I just thought I'd let you know because it probably looks concerning
and I just wanted to kind of run it by you guys to see what you thought- but anyway, back to the story:
I couldn't believe that I saw him again. We walked right by each other, made eye contact,
and it was magical for only me, not for him.
He's probably like: "this bitch is ugly," but I- I loved it though, but I didn't say anything to him!
I look back at this and I'm like: "Emma
you are so stupid."
But then again, if you think about it, like what would I have said? "Hey, heh-heh."
Like what the f*ck? You know I mean? And the thing is: he could be a total asshole.
What if he's like a total dick? What if he cheats on his girlfriends? Like, we don't know!
When you just look at someone, you don't know what they're like!
This guy could be literally Satan himself
and I would have no clue because all I know about him is that I looked at him and that he's really tan, blonde,
my type, my dream man! Really, umm,
*awkward laugh*
*bass boost noise*
But yeah, so if you know who you are...
slide into the dm's!
*tap*
And also, to make matters worse, no one believes me,
I tweeted about it again, some people were like: "umm, pics or it didn't happen."
BITCH
you think I'm gonna take a picture of this hoe??
Sorry I'm probably being really loud. My neighbors probably don't want to hear about my life stuff. :,(
But also, I saw him, and my hair is like this. This is what my hair looked like when I saw him.
You know what I mean? What a first impression! I really f*cked it up for myself. Whatever, you guys don't care.
This is like really weird ingredients, because it's like really vegan. I like to be inclusive to all, so
I like to make my recipes that I make vegan. Hate on me if you want, but Freelee won't be hating on me,
that's for damn sure.
8^O
No, what the f*ck? Why does that shit happen to me? It's like- it's rude
It really is, and I don't deserve it at all. I am so nice to everyone. Well, not everyone
*sip*
D:<
*clang* Ow!
So, St. Patty's Day...
coming up! *awkward laugh* I literally could not give less f*cks about St.
Patrick's Day and do you know what? To all you Irish people out there who are about to get offended:
I'm Irish too so shut the f*ck up
I've also been to Ireland, so shut the fuck up x2, I don't care about St. Patty's! It's not a fun holiday,
there's no point! Actually, there probably is a point, I just don't know what it is cause I'm an uncultured swine.
This is so fucking fun. Why is this low-key like effective? Like it's actually good at mixing.
♪ I hope you understand ♪
Honestly, I kind of sound like Britney right there. ♪ ...understand. ♪ D'you know what? F*ck this, I'm sick of it
Kinda worked honestly, but I'm sick of it, it's making my arm tired.
So guess what we're gonna bring out? Take a hot look at this. ;)
Someone else sent me, in my PO box, a fucking hand mixer because y'all know
that my arms are weak as f*ck and so you sent me a hand mixer so that I would be able to- oh wait, shit now I have
to wash it. That's annoying y'all sent me a hand mixer- y'all- never said that my life,
don't ever want to say it again. Y'all. Why do I- It's tempting,
I can't stop. You guys sent me a hand mixer because you knew that I needed it.
I don't want to have to wash that so I'm gonna use a different hand mixer, because guess what? I wasn't just sent one hand
mixer, I was sent two. A hand mixer that requires no electricity so that if I ever needed to mix stuff when there's no electricity
I would have this and I just want to say: shoutout to you!
It's like Christmas every day with you guys being my Santa. I love you <3
*awkward laugh*
I wanna die, a little bit
I'm gonna use this one because it'll be easier to wash. You know what
I mean? I have to think about myself sometimes. Look at this bad boy. Just washed it. Let's get right into this.
*fumbles*
Ugh (PBFT) Ew!
That looks like literal taco meat. Holy shit, that does look like taco meat. I'm vegetarian, I wouldn't know actually, anyways.
*moist noises*
I hate this
It's difficult!
*aggressive mashing*
*bass boost noise*
Okay...
I'm don't even wanna look.
I'm f*cking tired. If these cookies don't turn out well, and I put this much manual labor into it
I'm gonna be so f*cking pissed. Why does this look like chicken? This is supposed to be vegan.
I think I've said that exact same phrase in another video. I can't remember, but I feel like I did
*X-Files theme*
Sorry that I literally have only like ten jokes, and I just like regurgitate them.
That's something that you signed up for, I didn't tell you to do that.
♪ Get crazy, get wild, let's party, get loud, if you wanna have fun and do some- ♪
If you didn't watch Jersey Shore
you won't get that reference and honestly, you don't deserve to get the reference if you didn't watch Jersey Shore, because Jersey Shore was
genuinely the best show and, I don't know. People who didn't watch it just... didn't have a childhood
I was literally 12, and I would just watch the people on Jersey Shore have sex
I think it's funny that like some people maybe, potentially, clicked on this video expecting like,
instruction on how to make cookies. Like, that would be so funny. *pfft* Because I would never do that. Where's the salt? Goddamnit.
Where the fuck is it though, honestly? I literally just had it, like I don't know where it went, I literally don't understand.
*crying*
*thud*
Are you f*cking- it's thi- it's- okay. ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
*cheering*
*all-star smile*
Hi, heh-heh
Stop staring at me
>:(
I love how messy I make the kitchen, and then make my mom clean it up
It's so cute, how I do that. Okay, this is low-key working really well
*works less well*
Mmmkay, well. I need an apron. Why don't I have an apron?
That's so weird. You're not supposed to use this whisk like this, but I clearly don't give a
fochk
*gross*
Okay (thud) yeah
*unintelligible*
We bring out the big guns, you know what I'm saying? Let's get into it
YESSS ♪ Fergalicious plays ♪
Yeah, this works- not good
*hits cabinet, says ow?*
What the f*ck? I'm like breaking my house. You're welcome, mom, I know you love me! Oh- oh no!
I just broke my cabinet! Oh no! There goes my fridge!
*chuckle, demonic background noise*
Okay, I'm done with that
*censored*
That's so sexual. So guys. What's been up?
You know, me and you, we haven't talked in a while
and I just kinda want to know what's up? Like, has your crush been talking to you at school,
is your best friend being a bitch? She's probably being a bitch. Did you get an A on your test? Did your teacher...?
I don't go to school. Okay, I don't know what kind of paper to use.
(use parchment, not wax)
I haven't even washed my hands yet,
and I already made the whole thing. Germs will die in the oven because they can't survive that heat. Am I right, ladies and gents?
*awkward laugh* That's a fake fact. I'm washing my hands, mom. I know you're watching.
PBFT x3
Now things get kind of weird
*more fart noises*
This is a f*cking nightmare. Holy shit
Eghhh
♪ sad music ♪
♪ Crazy Frog - We Like to Party ♪
This is our baby. She's f*cking huge, and I'll see you in eight to ten minutes. Goodbye!
OOOOOH
Holy shit
Oh my God!
Look at this. *weird noise*
x3
Look at this bitch. Look at her!
*Aww!*
Let's slice into this bad bitch. Hmm, she feels a little bit liquidy, but we'll work with it. Okayyy.
Yeah... so we've taken out a little slice. Um, let's just see how it tastes.
I mean, it's not bad
*outro*