E: It has been a full year since our last dumb products video, and since then, Hila has been saving up
BIG TIME
E: What have you found Hila?
H: A LOT
H: The first dumb product is a confidence machine
(edgy rock music)
E: Ooh, that sounds good
H: I think you could use it
E: I've been in kind of a slump, and
frankly, anything that can help boost my confidence, I am fully in support of.
H: Sooo...
E: Ok let's— let's go
E: Let's get some confidence going.
E: So, this is the whole body vibration
machine, and this is the future of good health.
E: Incidentally, this booklet was made for Becky Chambers
E: but it was sent to me.
E: So, Becky, if you are out there, I do have your manual
E: I think Becky wasn't happy and they just sent Becky's s***** machine out to me.
E: One hour of conventional weightlifting, including increased muscle strength
E: bone density, flexibility, coordination, balance, and erection quality.
E: That's strange
E: Let's gonna— get me on the machine
E: So I'm going to try this for 10 minutes, and see how confident and energized I get.
E: Alright, starts off with a nice little jiggle.
E: ooohhooohoo
H: So what does it actually do?
E: It shakes ya.
E: It gives you a shake
E: It's just shaking my feet left to right.
(shaking)
E: Its tenderizing my Kobe beef, is what it's doing.
E: Kay, this is Wagyu beef right here. This is tenderized.
E: OOOH I'M GETTING TENDERIZED BOII
(shaking increases)
E: All right, I have eight and a half minutes left.
E: There's different positions here.
E: one is erect posture...
(Hila laughs)
E: I told you it did something for erection quality.
H: I didn't know that by the way, when I got you this machine
H: that wasn't...
E: HILA
(both laugh)
H: That was not... E: Thank you by the way
H: I did not know..
(intense face FUPA shaking)
E: Mhmm Feelin it
(more intense face FUPA shaking)
THICC
E: Excuse me, my eyes are up here.
E: I don't come to the gym to get Googled at
E: I come here to get healthy and to tenderize my flanks okay.
E: Please a little privacy and respect
E: working on my confidence
(velociraptor sounds accompanied by joosy a**)
Ethan Klein Cough™
I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with this one, but I'm questioning this one to be honest
E: I'm questioning this one to be honest.
E: it just doesn't seem that there's enough space for it, but
(Ethan Klein cough™)
Ethan Klein Cough™
E: Caught—there's webs back here
E: Is Shredder sniffing my a**?
shredder's sniffing my ass
(Hila laughing)
E: Shredder, Shredder get away!
E: Okay. Hila's turn is up to get tenderized.
E: You know what?
H: Let me do the Ethan™
(Ethan laughs)
E: You know what on the first setting it's almost the funniest because it looks like you're doing it intentionally
E: It looks like you're just doing this (Ethan doing the Ethan™)
H: Yeah
(Hila shaking)
E: Let me see that Kobe beef tighten those buns
H: Ok...
H: I mean..
H: That's it.
H: It doesn't... That's all that's there E: (laughing)
THICC
E: Describe your experience.
H: It feels like... not healthy
E: Not healthy?
H: Not good.
(both laugh)
E: You Got it. That's it.
H: I think they're just making it up.
E: The confidence!?
E: People making up exercises?! Come on..
H: The next up is Dr. Bob's Great Neck
E: (laughs)
H: Portable traction machine.
E: Bob. One of the greatest doctors not just in the country
E: But he's known around the world for his excellent medical products, and this one is no exception
E: I feel like I'm choking already, and I haven't even filled it up yet
H: It basically does everything
E: Right. Does it help with my ret—erection quality?
H: Yes
E: Okay, good. As long as—That's where where I'm trying—all these products are designed to just help my erection quality. Thanks Hila
H: So...you close this
H: By the way, when-when do you ever get a product with something like this
E: I mean Dr. Bob knows what he's doing he's the guy!
E: Oh this makes me nervous Dr. Bob.
H: You fill it up
E: I don't like this at all Dr. Bob. HILA oh
oh F***
OH
E: It's pushing against my Adam's apple
E: What the F*** IS THIS?
E: I'm panicking (he says calmly)
H: Do you—did you have neck pain before?
E: No, but I will now H: Yeah
E: Let's see how far we can push this.
E: It's pretty scary. I'm not gonna lie.
E: I can't really open my mouth.
H: It's not going anywhere anymore
E: I can feel it
E: I can't talk!
E: I CAN'T TALK H: Why do you— okay.
E: IT'S PINNING MY CHI— MY F****** NECK
E: WHY ARE YOU NOT MORE CONCERED HILA?!
(Hila laughing)
E: SHREDDER'S FREAKING OUT
(Shredder jumps)
E: WHY ARE YOU NOT CONCERNED?!
H: You said you want more? Ok. (starts pumping more in)
you said you want more
ok
E: THIS ISN'T SAFE
release it
E: RELEASE IT
(Hila starts pumping more)
STOP
E: STO—NO!
E: Holy s*** bro
E: Whoah that was so bad. I— Oh my god
(Ethan sighs)
E: I feel like nobody should ever use this.
E: It's getting pretty tight, you're not having any problems??
E: You're making me look like a p**** Hila!
E: I'm having trouble squeezing it.
H: Okay, it hurts
E: Do you feel your nerve pressure? H: Yes
E: Do you feel tension headaches? H: Uh-huh
E: Do you have neck pain? H: I do now. E: Disc pressure H: yes E: Joint pain H: Uh-huh. E: Tight muscle—it says reduce
E: But I think you can just X it out and say causes
E: We found this product watching television at 2:00 AM.
E: I saw this infomercial I couldn't believe it was real
E: I took a picture just to save the memory
E: And then I thought to myself let's buy the product so this is the NAVÄGE I don't know how it works because presumably
E: There's two tubes for each nostril
E: And it's supposed to circulate liquid through your sinuses.
E: And I don't—I don't know that that's possible.
E: I don't think that that's how that works
H: This is the liquid...
E: Comes with these little K. Cups for your nose.
E: Which is a little thrill ride
E: And also it has incidentally this may actually be Dr. Bob,
E: who invented the last-uh- neck brace so shout out to dr. Bob
H: I like this, you open:
STOP
E: Don't go back to the store, first contact us
H: They're like, don't return..(Ethan mansplains her)
E: Don't tell the FDA
E: Don't call any regulatory board
E: Call us first
H: Come ON
H: We're here to help E: Call us before you report us to the FDA. H: Just don't return this
E: UM does this—is this gonna improve my erection quality in any way H: *doesn't respond*
E: Well this is good look!
E: This is the look that sold me on this product to begin with
E: I saw some lady E: You know and I thought hey, I wanna look like that at home
E: It sucks
H: Is anything happening?
E: Oh my god, it sucks, bro
E: whAT??
E: It sucks!
E: Oh my god
E: It sucks
(nasal nightmare)
(ethan overreacting)
E: OH My god bro it literally just shoots water up your f****** nose
E: I feel like I was drowning!
E: I feel like I was being waterboarded!
E: You know when you jump in a pool, and just a ton of water gets up your nose. It's like the worst feeling
E: That's what this machine does!
E: Gross!
H: Why would you need a machine for that?
E: I don't know, that's why we bought it Hila
E: This was a dumb produ—OH
H: It wasn't cheap too, it's like 200 dollars or something—
E: whY IS IT 200??—HILA,
E: I would have vetoed that!
E: Hold on before I pass that off to you Hila,
H: Wait, so, here I have my own.
E: Nonono, I want you to use these.
H: I HAVE MY OWN
E: Before I pass this off to you let me just...
H: ew gross E: clean it for you
E: You push the button H: I'm scared
E: And but don't puss out. You have to go all the way. You'll be fine.
E: Just remember you're not being waterboarded.
E: There's nobody here torturing you.
E: Although it may feel like it, you are completely safe.
H: And then you just press it?
E: Push it hard
E: Push it down all the way.
E: You gotta fight. H: It's weird. E: You gotta fight past it
H: Oh my gOD that—it's weird
E: All the way. Push it down
E: Hold it hold it hold it all the way push it down
(both giggling like children)
E: I don't understand this product bro
(more nasal nightmares)
(Ethan Klein cough™)
H: Next up, the men's body shaper
E: This is perfect for me because I want to lose weight, but I don't want to diet
H: Exactly
E: Can you imagine unironically wearing this?
E: Like, how resigned are you to your sh***y life?
E: If you're willing to walk around
E: Also, is this supposed to give the impression that you have like six packs or something??
H: Or like, ten packs
E: bRO I HAVE 16 PACKS
E: And I don't even lift
E: It says that I'm gonna lose immediately 10 to 20 pounds
E: I'm gonna be thinner stand tall and look great, so let's see what's in here
E: tch, It doesn't—I just look chunkier. I look like a f*****
E: You know what I—I look like a tub of cotton [cottage] cheese or something?
E: My tits are more accentuated.
E: My stomach is more chunky this does not help
E: Also, can you just imagine?
E: Imagine your life for one moment,
E: Would you actually walk around in this every day.
H: or you come home after a date with a girl and then she's like
H: what is goin' on?
E: This is my undershirt, baby
E: You're just like... BOOM
E: it's e— it's not even that dramatic
E: I'm jacked baby! (why does it look like ethan peed his pants lol)
E: Did I fool you? I'm Jacked. Let's go get it! (why does it look like ethan peed his pants lol)
(chub jiggle)
E: I feel like a pack of 18% cottage cheese, baby.
E: I feel like a freshly open carton a sour cream my dog
E: Well, her—the test is put on the shirt, right
H: Yeah E: Okay, so we did before
H: and never take it off
E: Before
E: and After
E: Oh you thought I was just mildly overweight
E: Turns out that I actually am (reveals chub) just mildly overweight, so
(look at that FUPA boi)
E: Thanks guys
E: Thank you men's body shaper for... helping my confidence.
E: of looking LIKE A BUCKET OF COTTON [COTTAGE] CHEESE THAT DOESN'T HELP MY CONFIDENCE
(Ethan Klein cough™)
H: Wear it on your wedding day.
E: Just don't eat H: oh yeah. E: if you care that much about losing 10 pounds. Just skip a meal
H: it's humiliating no matter what
(Ethan rage quitting)
H: Imagine living with your parents and puttin this in the laundry and having to explain your mom.
E: Honey, what is this?
E: It's my Mormon underwear. I'm a Mormon now mom
H: Next product,
H: is a body pillow
E: Whoa, dude!
E: No way,
H: This one's for the lonely girls.
E: This is for all the ladies!
E: I am—I am this same person that is featured on this pillow
(Hila laughing awkwardly)
(Ethan leaks the FUPA)
E: I'm kind of the same deal.
H: That's kind of why I bought it.
H: You've got like Seven Up, and Doritos,
E: A rose for my lady, a little Fedora
E: Beautiful deep green eyes may I say.
E: Really beautiful eyes. He has some strong legs
E: You know those are some tree trunks there my dude
(Ethan knocks on door) E: Hila?
H: Don't come in!
E: What do you mean don't come in what are you doing?
E: HILA are you freaking kidding me?
E: With the neck beard pillow. I'm HERE
H: I thought you weren't here!
E: Seriously you prefer this neck beard pillow to me
H: Kind of..
E: he'S GOT EVERYTHING I'VE GOT
E: I'VE GOT THE SAME SANDALS AND THICK ASS THIGHS AND GUT AND MAYBE
H: You never got me a flower
(triggered Hila)
E: Is it his deep green eyes,
E: Is it his Fedora?
E: What does he have that I don't?
H: It's the shirt Ethan. You don't have my lady
E: Do you want me to call you my lady? Hila, is that what you demand for me?
H: Yeah, and with the flower.
E: You know what?
H: You got a tip your beanie to me,
E: You know what, they are right. You are beta cucking me Hila
E: You're straight beta cucking me.
E: I will not milady and tip my fedora or my beanie to you
E: I will not be bringing roses or anything!
H: Well I don't need you anymore!
E: Well, see ya!
E: You lost ALL this good sh** bro
E: Forever...
(awkwardly closes door)
H: Good bye m'lady
WARNING, THE OWNERS OF THIS SHOP HAVE COMPLETELY LOST THEIR MINDS
Fascinating TEE, Papa Bless, I've Lost All Respect, Ethan Coughing, Ethan and Hila, Vape Nation.
ALL 10 DOLLARS OFF THAT'S ALMOST 50%
COME ON THIS IS INSANE SOMEBODY LOCK THESE GUYS UP!
We gotta unload inventory you guys please just, help a brother out man
SO HEAD ON OVER TO H3H3SHOP.COM AND PICK UP THESE HOT SPICY FIRE DEALS
(Ethan Klein cough™)
Thanks for watching