Have you found yourself anxiously waiting for someone you like to text you or to call
you back?
Do you obsessively check your phone and Wonder why he hasn’t responded or if he’s even
thinking about you? if this sounds familiar, then you’ve got to watch this video because
I’m going to tell you exactly what to do to stop anxiously waiting and worrying and
how to take back your control.
Don’t go anywhere because we are starting in 3 seconds.
hi everyone..
I’m dr Antonio Borrello, Welcome to another video.
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Ok.. how to stop anxiously waiting for someone to text you back.
Picture this… you meet a great guy at a wedding and you totally hit it off..
He’s flirting with you, dancing with you, and hanging out with you most of the night.
And before the wedding is over, you exchange phone numbers and you leave the wedding feeling
super excited about him….
And you’re certain he is going to ask you out.
The next day, you wake up hopeful that he will text you… but nothing.. you check your
phone over and over all day, waiting and hoping that he will reach out, but nothing.
So, that night, you decide to take matters into your own hands and you type up a text
message saying…
“It was great meeting you last night.
I had so much fun” .. then you hit send and you set the phone down on the table.
And then you flip your phone over so you can't watch the screen obsessively, and you wait.
And wait... and wait 15 minutes goes by without your phone buzzing.
And that’s when you Your heart rate starts to increase as you imagine all of the possible
scenarios to explain why you're not getting a text back.
Did you come on too strong?
Did you misinterpret his flirty behavior?
Or Was he just drunk? and then Finally, you hear the familiar ding of a text notification
and feel relieved…
You flip over your phone and your heart sinks.
It's only your girlfriend asking if you heard from the guy you’re so excited about.
And then… you’re back to square one….
Anxiously freaking out because your text message has gone unanswered.
But then.. after a few minutes… he texts you and everything changes… you light up
with excitement and feel great… he responded and he said he had a great time too.
Can you relate?
I know I’ve been there.
Or, here’s another scenario.. you’re dating a guy for some time and you’d really like
to hear from him more often, but you don’t want to be the one who is always texting first.
Instead, you’re constantly checking for that good morning text… or that text that
starts off a new conversation after hours of silence… here again, you’re wondering
what he’s up to… if he’s thinking about you, and if he likes you as much as he did
before.
It’s the exhausting cycle where you’re constantly looking for that next text message
that reassures you that he likes you, that he’s into you… the text that gives you
validation.
If this is your experience with dating.., I know it’s not satisfying at all.
If anything is making you anxious and agitated.
And It really shouldn’t be like that.
So, what can you do to take back control and stop worrying about and waiting for that next
text like an addict waiting for their next dose.
1.
Turn Off Text Notifications Every time your phone beeps with a new notification,
it is changing the chemistry inside your brain, Constant interruptions from new emails and
text messages trigger high levels of the 'stress hormone' cortisol, which can have damaging
effects on how we feel.
And Keeping your phone alerts on puts the human brain on almost constant high-alert
as it waits for the next alert.
And When you hear that ding, your body releases a small surge of cortisol, which triggers
an increase in heart rate, tightens muscles and causes palms to become clammy, and this
tensed state can last until you’re able to check the alert.
Then, When we gratify our urge to check an alert, it acts like a ‘reward’ for our
brain and encourages repetition of the behavior.
This pattern of tension and relief can influence the human brain like an addiction.
So, The key is to reduce the level of arousal these notifications can illicit.
This will reduce the amount of cortisol released by the brain, which in turn reduces the level
of anxiety and stress — especially when you hear a notification but can’t check
it.
So as a general rule, turn off the audio notifications on your phone.
trust me.. if you’re phone is always around you, you will be looking at it frequently
enough to notice that someone has sent you a text.
2.
Give Your Phone a Time Out Ok… now that you have your notifications
turned off, put the phone down.,.
Maybe in another room and continue about your day without the phone attached to your hip.
And don’t check it for a while.
And do this in intervals... perhaps you check your phone every hour or every 90 minutes.
This allows you to take back control and attend to messages on your time.
And because your alerts are off, you don’t have that worry in the back of your mind reminding
you that he hasn’t texted you.
You simply won’t know if he’s sent you a message or not.. and this will allow you
to tuck those thoughts away until you are ready to Check your phone.
By the way.. are you a person who anxiously waits for people to respond to your messages?
Leave a comment below and let us know the strategies you’ve used to stop yourself
from thinking about it too much.
Ok.
3.
Do something engaging, productive or rewarding for you.
Take action to engage in something specific that will take your mind off of worrying about
him texting you.
And do this without your phone.
Many times, people try to engage in another activity to distract themselves..,, but they
bring their phone along… and guess what happens?
They are unable to be present or enjoy the moment because their brain constantly goes
back to obsessing over why he hasn’t reached out.
Instead, Set an amount of time.. maybe one hour.. maybe three hours.. leave your phone
behind and do something that will make you feel great… something that will make you
be present in the moment.
You can worry about the phone when you return.. and chances are, when you do get back to your
phone, you’ll see that he sent you texts or called you and now he’s the one worried
about a return text.
But wait…
I know.. here come all the objections as to why you cant do that.. what if work calls,
what if there is an emergency… what if your bff calls?
Well, if you’re that worried about it.. get in touch with them and let them know that
you’ll be away from your phone for a bit… so they don’t worry.
The other objection… if I don’t respond to him right away, he will think I don’t
like him or he will get upset.
.. actually, he should feel exactly like you just felt.. he’ll be wondering about why
it’s taken you 45 minutes or an hour to respond.
All of this is a big problem that modern technology has brought into our lives.
The expectation that we have our phone attached to our hip and we always have to respond within
minutes is crazy.
How can you be present with whatever else you’re doing if you’re constantly being
interrupted and tending to people who could be anywhere in the world.
Things shouldn’t be that way.. we need to be mindful and present in the moment and attend
to those around us.
Not constantly engaging with our phones while we ignore those around us.
I see it in restaurants all the time and it’s sad.
Two people sitting together sharing a meal, but more engaged with their phone than anything
else.
.Put it away and give yourself a break.. and don’t worry about missing his text… if
you’ve waited a long time, so can he.. trust me.. he will be more into you as a result.
4 Get Real with yourself about the situation.
Why is it that a person you didn’t know last week now has so much power over the way
you feel?
I mean you just met the person.. you hardly know him and he hardly knows you...
yet whether or not he texts you has the power to completely change your mood today?
Here’s the problem... we have so much anxiety when we're waiting to hear from someone we
like because we attach so much hope to the outcome.
Suddenly, someone who was a complete stranger last week now has the ability to affect how
you feel all day.
From a logical perspective, isn’t that ridiculous?
So why does it happen?
It happens when you start thinking of this new person as “the one” or when you start
daydreaming and romanticizing a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet, and May never
exist.
So instead of being able to be present and engaged in this moment, you’re stuck in
a future where you are assuming so much… you’re daydreaming and fantasizing of all
the amazing times you will share.
And when you don’t hear from him, you begin to imagine all the reasons why and what will
happen if he doesn’t like you.
And When you put too much into this outcome, you become too invested in the future.
Look It's good to plan for your future, but when you're planning with somebody else it's
never so simple.
It shifts your thinking from appreciating what you have to thinking about what happens
if this person leaves you and if this future is not perfect?
So we are not enjoying where we are in the moment — instead we are stuck in a future
where we worry about the worst outcome.
5.
take your ego out of it First, remove your ego from the equation.
Because That's where a lot of the anxiety comes from," its cognitive distortion,
It’s your ego saying things like, 'Oh, they didn't text back because they didn't like
me.'
Or something I said or did made him change his feelings about me.
But In reality, the reason they're not texting back probably has nothing to do with you at
all. by removing yourself and your actions as a
factor in why they're not texting back, you'll cut through your anxiety.
So take a step back and correct those cognitive stories that you’ve created in your mind.
You don’t live in his body and you don’t know the reasons for his slow communication.
But I can tell you this... his reason for not quickly responding probably has little
or nothing to do with you.
6.
overcome your fear of being rejected… overcome your fear of the relationship ending.. essentially,
it all boils down to this... you’re worried that he may not like you as much... that he
may not be thinking about you as much... that you aren’t that important to him... and
that drives you crazy.. you’re attaching so much of your value to whether or not a
person is into you or not.. and if he isn’t into you, then that must mean there is something
wrong with you.. and that simply isn’t true at all. this is faulty thinking... the truth
is... is, unless you’ve done something really off-putting, such as liking every one of his
Instagram photos over the past 3 years….
Or You told him you loved him on your first date, the fact that he isn’t so into you
is more about him than it is about you.
And again, What if he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
What is going to happen if you get rejected?
Is the world coming to an end?
Are you going to die?
Nope!
It is simply that the friendship is over and you are no longer dating, right?
Remember it feels so difficult because you’ve put so much false hope into something that
might not even be possible.
Look, rejection is a disappointment… it’s a feeling and it can hurt.
And, you’ll probably miss that person too.. you’ll miss the things you did together.
OK… that’s true…
But you must adopt the belief that if It’s meant to happen, it will… if you’re not
compatible, its not going to work out in the long run anyway.
Rejection doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you- ever.
It only means that whatever we are asking for is not meant to happen at this time.
It does not mean we stop living or bury ourselves in a hole.
Again, your value as a person has nothing to do with whether or not this person likes
you or not..
And please… please, please don’t ruminate about why… or what he was thinking or is
thinking… you cannot mind read and you’ve not lived in his skin.. what you’re imagining
could be completely untrue.
Now, there are some things you can do to increase the chances of a person falling in love with
you..
If you’re interested in that, click here and watch this video.. or, if you’re interested
in the one change that makes you instantly more attractive, click here to watch this
video.
Ill see you in the next one.
The last thing I want to say is this… if a relationship is meant to be… if he is
the person for you, if you are really that compatible, then things are going to work
out...
But if it’s not right… if he’s not the right one for you, if there are too many differences,
or if he’s not the committing type… nothing you can do will change that outcome… it
just wont work… and that’s ok.
That’s it for this video.
If you’ve found this helpful, please take a moment and hit that like button.
And please share it with someone who might benefit from seeing it.
Thanks for watching…
I’ll see you in the next video.