welcome back to day four of Mental Health Awareness Month and in this video
I'm going to be discussing for the first time ever about what it's like being
half african-american but obviously looking white this is something I've
never opened up about I've never talked about but during Mental Health Awareness
Month I thought that this was an important topic to finally touch on what
is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the
problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel typically what
I do is I like to take a look at the YouTube community or society as a whole
or pop culture or movies and TVs and try to see what kind of lessons we can learn
from them to try to better improve our lives so if you're any of that stuff
make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell but yeah every now and
then I just share my experience okay I have a lot of experience with many many
many different things I've talked about my mental health issues I've talked
about overcoming my drug addiction I've talked about being a father we'll talk
about relationships and everything like that but something that I've just kind
of touched on here and there but never really gone into is the fact that I'm
biracial alright so I am half black half Sicilian alright and yeah so let's start
with childhood and growing up so growing up you know obviously just like many of
our parents they share a lot of their stories about what it was like for them
growing up so being half black my dad who is the black one my mom's a white
one my dad shared a lot of stories with me about him growing up in the 50s and
60s so the country obviously was much different back then my dad grew up on
the west coast no but he did have stories about you know going down south
and things like that and him being introduced to racism and all of that
right and my mom she she is always just always since she was
she's just dated black men and her growing up during that era like she
experienced a ton like a ton of racism like we're talking like you know in high
school and everything like that being called an inward lover people beating
her up my mom has to fake front teeth from you know people jumping her back in
high school and this was you know even though my mom grew up in California the
central part of California is a little bit different than like once you get
over to the beach side so you know I I heard stories from both my mom and my
dad about the struggles that they grew up with because back in the day like
just commingling with other races still wasn't you know really approved of so
for me growing up me growing up like my parents got divorced when I was about
four years old so and my dad raised me I've talked about how my mom was an
alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life she's been sober for well over a
decade now but my dad raised me and something that you know I experienced
but it wasn't wasn't a huge deal for me it was like kind of embarrassing
sometimes was that when my dad would drop me off and pick me up or we come to
like you know school functions or whatever kids would ask me if I was
adopted I'm like nah man my dad's black like I just don't look like right but it
was something that it was just kind of embarrassing when it would happen like
no I'm not adopted but like I don't know that's just something that you know kids
deal with like like you being adopted it's like a sick burn right so when
people would ask me if I was adopted just because my dad didn't look like me
like that that was something that just kind of embarrassment and when I was a
kid I believe I was in like I don't know 7th or 8th grade when you start kind of
like trying to distance yourself from your parents and you're going to hang
out with your friends and everything I remember going to the movies with my
friends and obviously I didn't drive because I was in middle school and my
dad dropped me off and I saw my group of friends I remember this like it was
yesterday I saw my group of friends like in front of the movie theater and we're
pulling into the parking lot I saw my friends I'm like dad dad dad he dropped
me off right here and my dad like stops for a second and he asked me like in all
seriousness he's like he's like are you embarrassed of me
because because I'm black and like I just started laughing my ass off my dad
and I we have a great loving joking relationship I don't like no dad like
I'm not embarrassed of you because you're black I'm the barest of you
because you're a frickin don't hurt great like so it made me like but that
was an instance where it made me wonder like you know how my dad felt or what he
thought about me you know growing up looking white but
being half black but the reality is is that I've always been extremely proud of
my culture of being half black you know like my my parents you know my family
like I was raised on my old-school Motown music I grew up in the 90s I was
introduced to all that amazing 90s R&B like boys to men of still my dudes
around I've seen them twice here in Las Vegas I grew up on that stuff I grew up
on like soul food like we'd always have you know the bootay like family reunions
and stuff and there was like barbecues and everything like that and funny story
real quick so my middle name is Michael and I was actually going to be named
Michael Jackson bootlegs I was born in 1985 or all the time Thriller came out
my sister ooh my sister who is also half black looks full black though but she
wanted to name me Michael Jackson butene then we're gonna let her name me but
anyways they were like now let's not do that but my middle name is Michael after
Michael Jackson alright so anyways as I grew up and I got into high school the
way Vegas is kind of laid out or just like the schooling zones or whatever I
went to a school where it was kind of like half rich kids and then half like
lower middle class and I was on the lower middle-class side so it was an
interesting high school experience because there was like two different
groups of people like we're talking like kids whose parents bought him like a
Mercedes or a BMW or SUV when they turned 16 right but anyways at my school
there were a lot of black kids there as well and I played sports I did football
I did rustling I did try and in high school like I did like I
don't know I was very very grateful that the black kids like accepted me as like
one of theirs right because when you're when you're half black when you're half
white when you're biracial in any sense of you know being biracial like it can
be difficult to know where you fit in because sometimes this group doesn't
accept you sometimes that group doesn't accept you right and I had a very
fortunate high school experience where like you know the black dudes I played
sports with and everything like they they like accepted me right and
everything I'm like I'm very very grateful for that because that could
have really gone the other way but you know like they met my dad and they were
cool my dad and stuff so you know like a lot of people like think I'm lying just
because of how white I look and that's something else that I've I've dealt with
but it really many people question it but I usually like have a picture of my
dad and me on my cell phone just like look here it is I have like family
photos and everything you know just yo here it is like I guess the only thing I
can have is a DNA test but I'm gonna come back to like where I'm at today but
it's been coming up more and more lately now that I'm a youtuber and more people
are watching my videos I have a lot of people questioning it and I guess the
question right there is like why would I lie about that like that would be such a
weird lie but then again you have like Rachel Dolezal who did her whole thing
so I guess I get it in the time that we're living and but like for me like
for me it's just me you know that's just how I was born
how I was raised you know like I am half black one of the things that I dealt
with as a teenager and it's still something I dealt with throughout my
life was when I was a teenager like a lot of parents and adults knew knew I
was half black right and I've mentioned this before in Las Vegas we have a
gigantic Mormon community and not all Mormons are bad not all Mormons are
racist you know many of them aren't from my experience here in Las Vegas but
something that I remember hearing a lot was just like people saying like Oh Kris
Kris you're a good kid you're not like you know
those other black kids or whatever and and it's just it's just weird to me it's
weird to me because it's like do you think that's a compliment
I do you think that's a compliment where you're like talking trash about like a
race where you're saying like I'm one of the better ones and that's something I
just remember being so confused about in high school like what what what do you
mean right and this opened the door for more
more racism that I experienced like later on in the life and life like I've
always kind of see myself as this kind of like this kind of Undercover Brother
but yeah because I look white I've experienced a lot of racism just because
people think they're talking to a white dude the first time the first time I
experienced like direct racism like me personally was it was after my son's
mother and I broke up and you know I was single for a little while and then I got
back into the dating scene and I did like online dating or whatever I was
talking to this girl for a while things were going great I we were talking or
whatever and like we hung out a couple times and like being half black isn't
something I just bring up out of the gate like I don't even know when I bring
it up but it's not something like hi I'm Chris and I'm half black you know what I
mean but anyways we'd hung out a couple times everything was amazing
and one time like during conversation like we were texting each other like I
you know maybe we're talking about family or whatever and I mentioned that
I was half black and she's just like oh right and like she was racist and I
never knew that and she just stopped talking to me and I'm like this is weird
like it was I had never experienced that before but this girl just straight-up
stopped talking to me once she figured out that I was half black and my brain
just and like this was like I don't know a decade ago and I remember being
confused like wait my racism is like really still a thing like what so then
as I mentioned now that I'm adults and I've been in different working
environments and every like that like I I felt just like us
this undercover black dude like half black guy like I've experienced a lot of
racism I just I've had people just drop in like in bombs and everything like
that all around me and I'm just psyched yo and I gotta tell him right one story
that always sticks out in my head always stays out of my head was when I was
working at the rehab center you know we had people from all over the
country all over the country would fly into this rehab center like I'd say a
good 90% of our clients were from out of state so you had a mixed bag of people
you know who were from more liberal areas for more conservative areas from
down south from up north you know wherever it was and I remember after a
group you know cuz a lot of the clients would come talk to me after I ran a
group or whatever and like after a group this like dude and he was he was he was
like southern and you know uh you know cowboy style he comes up to me he's like
hey Chris you know I just want to say like you know I love your groups but I
just stay kind of quiet in these groups because of all the you know in words and
like I don't even feel comfortable saying it and you know whatever like and
he was saying that to me he just dropped it he's so like trying to like talk to
me is like hi fellow white man like you know those blacks you know whatever and
like I was like hey I was like I'm actually half black and by the way the
look on people's faces when that happens is just priceless
but then the guy apologized they did that thing that I mentioned before where
they're like oh no no I don't mean you I mean I mean the other blacks right like
that's any less offensive but I've ran into many situations like that before
and something that I try to do as as my part is to open my mouth about though
that that stuff and like you know speak out against it and be like that's not
cool you know what I mean because it would be easy it would be easy and in my
younger days like before I like you know really started like caring about more
people other than myself was like I could just stay quiet you
know what I mean I could just so you know and then just you know person out
in my head but like now like I speak out I'm like yo that's not cool you know
what I mean so where I'm at today where I'm not today like obviously you know
the the african-american community is something that I'm very very passionate
about and it's something that I you know I empathize for all the things that
happen and everything like that but I'll be honest with you like it's something
that I hold back on okay like I'm not looking for a pity party or anything
like that but I do hope you understand and maybe you can offer me some advice
or your comments or just suggestions down below but I do hold this sense of
guilt I hope this sense of guilt because I see
what the black community in America goes through I see what they go through and
like what drives me nuts is when people with people act like white privilege
just isn't a thing and that's something that I get really wild up about I
haven't talked about it on my channel but like in personal conversations when
I'm like watching the news or anything like that when people are acting like
white privilege isn't the thing and everybody has the same opportunities and
everything like that like I know it's a thing because I experienced I
experienced that white privilege which black people don't I have heard stories
from my family and everything like that and I sit there and like there's so many
things I've never I've never had to deal with and I won't fully understand just
because of the way the gene pool worked out with me and how I came out looking
like I don't have to be afraid of the cops like I don't I don't have to worry
about race being an issue when I go apply for a job I don't have to worry
about these kind of like little things you know like like when they talk about
like these microaggressions all sorts of stuff I've never had to experience that
because I look white and like that's something
that I why I hold back because it's something that's actually been coming up
on my channel lately I hold back because you know any any any black person who's
experienced out I understand I I get it I get why they would be offended on me
speaking out on certain things because they know they know like if you assume
that I've never been through those things like you're probably right
you are probably right I have never been discriminated against because of my race
something I've done by the way like whenever I fill out a form whether it's
for you know going to the doctor or a new job or even back in school or
whatever like I always checked off biracial or if you checked off your
nationalities it was like you know Caucasian and african-american I've
always done that and I've never tried to hide that fact but there's this guilt
that comes along with it because I will never fully understand what you know a
darker skin color you know kind of person has dealt with in this country
and there are things that I'm very passionate about there like I'm an
advocate like I advocate for mental health all the time
mental health in the black community is something that is is definitely needed
right like I've done some videos in the past just touching on it how black
people are less likely to go get help for their mental health and a lot of it
has to do with the culture everything like that and I speak up about those
things but where else can I speak up you know like I've been given this platform
and I want to use this platform for good and I want to give a voice to the
voiceless with this platform but again like I hold back a lot just because I
don't look black so I don't know like that's my experience of growing up half
black and there's a bunch of stuff I left out of this videos maybe I'll do
some more stories and things you know and kind of dive into more situations
and everything but anyways if you are part of the you know african-american
community or I don't like to discriminate against anybody if you just
have suggestions if you think that there's anything I can do with my
form to better speak up about certain social issues and things like that like
let me know down in the comments below like as always I want to do it in a
respectful way I don't ever want to act like I I fully know an experience that
I've never experienced before but I've grown up for the past 30 plus years
looking at what happens to you know my brothers and sisters in this country and
I feel for them because they're my family the same as like my actual family
is my family and I've seen what's happened to them like I see what happens
in the rest of this country so anyways anyways that's all I got for this video
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next time