so I was at Staples a little while ago
and and that's a lie
I'm lying to you right now in the
beginning of the set it was not a little
while ago was about a year and a half
ago that I was at Staples but as a
comedian you have to say it happened
recently because the more recent
something happened
the funnier it is so I was at Staples
earlier today and I heard a woman in the
aisle next to me yelling to somebody
that works there do you know where the
vanilla folders are vanilla folder it's
manila you soft-headed creature what are
you talking about vanilla fold are we
eating folders now
yeah the vanilla folders right down the
aisle by the butterscotch tape what are
you talking about this is not Willy
Wonka's House of pens language is a big
thing for me if you mispronounce a word
it will drive me insane you could be a
perfect stranger like the lady of
staples my best friend I love my best
friend I hung up the phone on him mid
conversation a little while ago was
earlier today was right before the show
and we were talking on the phone and he
said oh I was on Netflix I was watching
a documentary click throw what
documentary' I don't know what that is I
know what a documentary is I know what a
documentarian is right they make or just
eat documentaries okay that's a test
joke that I do in the middle of this bit
just to see where the audience is now
I'm a little worried about the end of
this this side of the the audience doing
great fantastic really came with me
all right settle down I'm being timed
this side you know you're just you're
doing well I appreciate it too much but
at the end of this bit if this side if
you see this side laughing at the very
end just just go with it
because it would be embarrassing for
both of us so I I moved a little while
ago it was earlier to everything funny
happened today it's been a very busy day
for me I have a lot on my plate and I
should not be here right now
and when I moved I met my wife's aunt
for the first time she's lived in town
her whole life and she wanted to tell me
the places to go and visit and she said
oh now that you live here you gotta go
see purgatory chasm it's beautiful at
the chasm you can spend a whole day at
the chasm you can pack a picnic for the
chair some take pictures at the chasm
you gotta go to the chairs
she said chasm 300 times I was trying to
be polite finally I said I think it's
chasm the word you think of his chasm
it's not chasm its chasm smaller than a
canyon bigger than a Gulch that's a
chasm and then she said to me very
I think it's chasm CH chasm really did
you learn that in school
thank you so we didn't go to her house
for Christmas this year we were not
allowed people gets so mad at me when I
correct them I'll do it every time but
they get very angry they call me a name
that hurts my feelings they'll call me a
grammar nazi and that hurts because it's
not the correct term to use right
grammar nazi' that's very aggressive
it's the only time we ever use Nazi and
apply it to another word and it just
sort of means you care about that thing
right
nobody's ever like oh that Winston
Churchill he was a real Nazi Nazi yeah
it's mostly over here grammar nazi it's
so aggressive right I'm not aggressive
about correcting language I just take
the stupidity I bottle it up inside my
body and then I secretly and quietly
hope for a brighter future not a Nazi if
anything I'm a grammar and Frank that's
the part of the joke I was worried about
right there right there that's what I
was worried about yeah
and oddly this side really enjoyed it
came with me and I appreciate it this
side went away thinking it's
inappropriate maybe and Frank wouldn't
like that joke I think and Frank would
love that joke because Anne Frank was a
writer and I don't know if you knew this
but Anne Frank she was a bit of a
grammar nazi she was yeah
less of a laugh there this side still
with me but grudgingly as if to say well
we're here for free this sites still not
giving me anything and now I'm starting
to think it's because you don't know who
Anne Frank is just a bunch of people
sitting there confusing the blind deaf
girl too soon you guys have been so much
fun my name is ray harrington thank you
so much