In this video, we're going to be talking about how to tell if your ex is at the crisis point
stage of getting back together.
But first, my name is Clay with ModernLove.life. We help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not, because
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Also, in this video and throughout this whole series on the five stages your ex is going
through, we are talking about, of course, the five stages your ex is going through.
If you want help on this journey, guiding your ex through these five emotional stages,
check out the Ex Solution Program. It's our course to help you get back together by guiding
them through these stages. You can find out more about that down in the description box
below.
Okay, so we've talked about the previous three stages, law of reactants, test drive, and
riding the dragon. Now we're talking about the crisis point. How do you know if your
ex is at this crisis point? What do you do if they are, and what does all of this mean?
Right.
In the crisis point, we're kind of taking this idea of getting back together with you
and interacting with you and all of that from a hypothetical, just sort of curiosity concept
into a real concrete concept. In the previous stages, such as riding the dragon, test drive,
or law of reactants, your ex might be interacting with you just out of this curious, hypothetical
standpoint. Like what would it be like to talk to my ex? I don't have to make a decision
right now. I just want to know what it'd be like to talk to them. That's where you might
get a lot of the characteristics that you experienced in those earlier stages.
But as you start to get into crisis point, the emotional connection between you and your
ex starts to become so strong that they are confronted with the real possibility that
they have feelings for you, and then it might mean that they need to actually do something
about it and maybe just kind of clear a path for the two of you to get back together.
This can be scary for them for a lot of reasons. They may have done a lot of things since you
broke up. They may have gotten into a rebound relationship. They may have told their friends
and family that the two of you broke up, and that could be a big deal for them. There's
all sorts of things that they may have done in their actual life that can't just be flipped
on and off like a switch. After all, they don't want to seem like a hot mess who's breaking
up with one person, getting back together with them, and breaking up with the rebound
and getting back. They don't want to do that.
They also don't want to be that sort of person that's a hot mess and saying, "Hey, I just
broke up with So-and-so. Oh, by the way, we just got back together. Oh, by the way, it
didn't work out. We broke up again." Right? They want to know that this is something that
has some sort of foundation beneath it. They don't want to just be there holding the bag
if this falls apart again. They are naturally going to be skeptical and hesitant about taking
this from that theoretical concept into tangible, concrete reality.
That's where you're going to get a lot of them justifying why the two of you can't be
together. That's where you're going to get a lot of that. Yes, you will get justifying
why you can't be together at earlier stages as well too, but this is going to be met with
a background of the two of you actually having good interactions, the two of you actually
interacting together in a really positive sort of way. Maybe the two of you might be
spending a day together, and it's a great day, and then just suddenly out of nowhere
they say, "By the way, I just don't think that the two of us can ever get back together.
We're just so incompatible." It's like where did that come from?
It came from the fact that they are the crisis point, and they're feeling the strong connection
between the two of you, and they're starting to wonder, what does this mean? Does this
mean that we're going to have to actually rearrange things so that we can actually get
back together? Like maybe they signed a lease on a new place, or maybe they moved out and
obviously it's a big hassle to move. That's something I might be dealing with very shortly,
but that's a story for another day.
They might have to end a rebound relationship, which can be messy in and of itself. They
may have to tell people that the two of you are seeing each other again or getting back
together. This can be a challenging experience for them, so they really want to make sure
that this is a good choice for them because they want to see themselves as a good person,
somebody who's making the right choices, someone who's not that hot mess, And so they're going
to naturally be skeptical.
what you want to do at this point is to address that skepticism, not in sort of a rationalizing
sort of way, like, "Oh, no. We're totally really compatible. Like don't you know we
all want these same things." That can sometimes work a very small percentage of the time,
but most of the time it's not going to work so well. Most of the time what you're going
to want to do is you want to guide them through this sort of indecision, because that's really
what they're going through at this point in time, a sort of indecision about whether they
are off the fence or on the other side of the fence. They're just kind of like sitting
on the fence, not really choosing which side to be on.
What we may have to do is to apply some positive pressure to get them to decide. That is to
say, we already have an emotional connection with them. We already have an emotional connection
with them that's built up to the point where we're mostly having good connections and good
interactions that bring the two of us together. We want to really kind of let them know that,
"Okay, I totally get it. You have your reservations. You are confused. You're not sure exactly
what you want. I get it. At the same time, I can't just wait around forever."
Because people often think that if they just stall or if they just choose not to act that
they can essentially hit a pause button on life and just kind of indefinitely delay things.
Yeah. It's just somehow how most people think about things, even though it's not really
true. I mean, obviously if you just sit around and wait, there's all sorts of opportunities
that you're going to lose out on. But oftentimes we feel as if by not acting, by not choosing,
we can kind of delay the choice.
What we want to do is we want to shine the truth of the fact that like, hey, we can't
drag this on forever, because it's not fair for you, right? It's not fair for you to be
in this sort of like, are we in a relationship, are we not in a relationship sort of thing
indefinitely.
What we want to do is we want to do something that is fair for you and kind of encourage
them to make a decision by leveraging that positive, emotional connection that we do
have and just say like, "Okay, I totally get that you don't feel ready to make this choice
right now. At the same time, I can't wait around forever. I am interested in being in
a relationship. Are you telling me that I should just go out and date other people?
Are you telling me that we should stop talking to one another? Are you telling me that?"
You're just kind of like guiding them through this and allowing them to kind of choose certain
steps along the way, like yes or no. Do I want you to date other people? No, I don't
want you to date other people. Well, what should we do then? Okay. That's a different
conversation we can have. Or yes, go ahead and date other people. All right. If that's
really something you want me to do, I can do that.
Then, you want to let them experience the consequence of that so that they really start
to feel that loss of the connection that the two of you did have. Chances are in that conversation
that you're having, they may start to feel that loss and choose, okay, well actually
maybe I do want to get off the fence, or maybe they actually go through with it and they
actually do need to actually experience the loss in like real terms. Then they realize,
oh wow, we actually did have that great connection, and now we don't have it, and I realize that
it's due to my indecision, right?
Us, who want to get back together with our ex, we're kind of being reluctant with this.
We're saying like, "I actually do really like talking to you, but I want to be in a relationship.
I don't think I can be in a relationship if you aren't really ready to commit right now.
Are you okay if I start dating other people? If I start dating other people, I probably
won't be able to talk to you as much, because obviously that would get in the way of any
relationship I have with someone else. Is that okay with you?"
We're kind of reluctant and going along with where they're at, and what that's going to
do is that's going to leverage the connection that we have and inspire them to actually
get into action and make a choice. That's the most important thing when it comes to
crisis point is we need to inspire them to make a choice, not through an ultimatum, not
through anything like that, but by leveraging the connection that we already have. Okay.
That's how you know that your ex is at the crisis point. It's when they're dealing with
that, "Okay, this is becoming real. What do I do? How do I make this choice? This is too
much. I don't know if this is real. I don't know if this is a good choice. I don't know
if I'm making the wrong choice." Okay, so I hope that makes sense.
Once again, if you do want to learn more about how to navigate your ex through all of this
and guide them through the five stages of getting back together, we do have that course
called the Ex Solution Program that is down below. If you would like to also help me out,
please make sure that you hit that thumbs up button for this video. It does help us
out a lot. Please make sure that you also subscribe to this channel as well, too.
In the next video, we are going to be talking about new beginnings, how to tell if your
ex is at new beginnings and what you need to do at that point in time. But thank you
so much. If you would like to learn more about the five stages of getting back together,
we do have this video playlist right here, or you might want to check out this video
over here. Thanks so much, and I'll talk to you next time.