(keyboard clicking)
- Greetings, and welcome to LGR Oddware,
where we're taking a look at hardware and software
that is odd, forgotten, and obsolete, and apparently
tells your fortune, because why not.
A USB Magic 8-Ball has got to be superior
than the regular one without USB,
and, you know, an Executive Toy
to entertain executives, and to provide them a nice ink pen
while telling their fortune as well as
good ol' tarot cards on Windows 3.1.
Yeah, let's just dive into this,
because I gotta know my fortune.
These are uncertain times.
Alright so let's take a look at this.
USB Answer 8-Ball, they actually
don't call it a Magic 8-Ball.
I'm guessing that is a trademark or something,
but that's what it is.
It's a freakin' Magic 8-Ball, but it's USB powered.
The virtual decision maker for any computer user.
All the answers right on your computer screen, just tap!
That's right, it's just pretty much
a Staples, like, Easy Button.
Except it's USB powered.
I mean, this is literally just a button, that's it.
There's nothing special about it
except the software, and I'm assuming maybe
it's just like a mouse, I'm not sure.
I'm going to try it and, you know, see.
But yeah, it's made by Perfect Solutions.
It's a company that just made a bunch of crap.
Like, you know, just a bunch of gag-gifts,
and desktop doo-hickeys, and things like that.
Alright, let's open this thing up.
See what we got inside, alright here we go.
So, yeah, this is the USB Answer-8 software.
Works for Windows and Macintosh, copyright 2011.
And the manual here, I mean,
despite being water damaged, there's nothing special.
It literally just shows you how to click next
on an install screen.
The 8-Ball, or the eight half-spheroid, E&B Giftware.
Quality piece of electronics right here, I gotta say.
Yeah, it really is just like a Staples Easy Button.
Time to give it a shot.
Okay, so after a little bit of troubleshooting
I got it working in a Windows XP virtual machine,
and actually I asked my patrons on Patreon.com
to give me some questions to ask
these various devices and things
that I'm going to be looking at today.
So we're going to start with the first question here
by Stephen Radford, "Will Andy pick me?"
(chuckling)
Nice Toy Story reference.
So you just press it here.
(futuristic music)
And it's off center, but oh great, "Cannot Predict Now."
The Big Bread asks, "is LGR government propaganda?"
(futuristic music)
Hm, I don't know.
Ooh, well I guess the secret's out.
Jim Leonard asks, "Were you programmed during
"a drug-fueled raging bender by
"a disenfranchised COBOL programmer?"
(futuristic music)
Well that makes a lot of sense considering this product.
Zachery Hysong asks, "Will this addiction
"to old PCs ever help me find true love?"
And it is Valentine's Day when I'm recording this, so.
(futuristic music)
Ooh, "Without A Doubt", that's right!
Keep your addiction to old PCs going,
and that is the way into the pants.
Adrian LaTrace asks, "Will the skier
"from SkiFree ever outrun the yeti?"
That is a question for the ages.
(futuristic music)
"Signs Point To Yes."
This is a very affirmative action kind of a device here.
Affirmative action is probably the wrong phrase.
I'm thinking of something else.
Andrew Lee asks, "Will we ever get Half Life 3?"
Okay, well this is it, this is the deciding factor.
Andy Schleiss asks, "Are taco farts a
"reason to see a doctor?"
(futuristic music)
I mean...
Shaunna May asks, "will car phones make a comeback?"
(futuristic music)
Hey! There's an exiting thing for the future, I guess.
Forget cellphones.
Pam Skowhegan asks, "are you more
"truthful than a Magic 8-Ball?"
Hm, that's a question that I am wondering myself.
Oh, not so good!
Yeah, the USB answer is a cheap ripoff.
Not only that, but it's just not very fun
compared to a regular Magic 8-Ball.
You know, shaking it up and stuff,
and looking underneath the little triangle.
That is, I think, a lot more interesting than that.
This is the Sharper Image Design
Q-ball Executive Fortune-telling Desk Set.
Yeah, this is a genuinely confusing design to me.
I mean, it's kinda cool, but I really don't know
what aesthetic they were going for.
This doesn't really seem to fit on any
executive-type desk that I've ever seen.
Kinda looks like an alien mask, smoking an E-Cigarette.
Yeah, a handsome pen holder houses
a talking fortune-telling Q Ball.
Whatever that is!
Q-Ball, like, is this supposed to be Q from Star Trek?
Is this supposed to be a pool cue reference, I don't know!
Okay, let me just open this thing up.
Well isn't that nice, instructions and warranty.
What instructions?
Q Ball Executive will provide you
with an answer to any question
that can be answered "yes" or "no."
Okay, that makes sense, batteries.
Man, this is an elaborately, deceptively large package
for something that's really not that big.
Already, I am disappointed in this thing.
Look at it, it doesn't look nearly
as cool as it did on the box.
Where's the cyber-punk, vapor wave alien smoking aesthetic?
This is stupid looking.
Ah, I guess we get a Shaper Image
product catalog, of course.
If you've never been to one of these stores,
they are full of just useless junk like this.
Nope, I don't see any Trump Steaks, but I do see the Q Ball.
I guess that's what this is a reference to:
The Q Ball Executive, and so this is just the Q Ball.
It was, it was literally just a ball, and that's it.
Well whatever.
Okay, actually that is a nice pen.
That feels good, solid, metal.
Dude, that's a nice pen.
(laughter)
I was writing through a view finder there.
That looks awful, but I mean the pen works.
Alright, so yeah, it looks like all the goods
are right in the bottom here.
You have off, low, and high volume,
and a little speaker here.
And our alkaline batteries are gonna go in here, sweet.
Oh, let's test this stupid doo-hickey out.
We get it, you vape.
Alright, so this is my executive desk.
Let's try the cue-ball executive.
I guess it's on.
(spring sound effect)
Yeah, this is real professional.
I guess that's what you do.
What am I doing, what?
- [Robot Woman] You're stoked.
- I'm stoked?
Well that one's pretty accurate, man.
Alright, well let's ask some of those questions.
Steve Lovelace asks, "Will The Sims Five suck?"
(crashing sound effect)
- [Robot Woman] Let's give it some time.
- Erick, with a 'k' on the end,
asks "Can entrophy be reversed?"
(honking)
- [Robot Woman] Stop it, you're killin' me.
Give it a try.
- I guess I'll try entrophy.
- Jarryd asks "can you ever have enough wood grain?"
(crashing)
- [Robot Man] Get a life, man.
- Nah dude, my life with wood grain is quite nice.
- Jason McNorton asks, "I'm 43,
"and I'm wondering if I'll ever get married?"
(honking)
- [Robot Man] That's about enough.
- [Robot Man] Not in a million years.
- Sorry.
Jon Nelson asks "will a dragon crawl out
"of my toilet breathing fire while
"I'm doing my business today?"
(clanking)
- [Robot Woman] Alright already.
- [Robot Man] Fat chance, dude.
- Apparently the answer is no,
but I would have had odds differently there.
Liam Ure asks "should I buy Horizon Zero Dawn?"
(crashing)
- [Robot Lady] Okay, anything you say.
- This is really stupid, I am wasting my time.
Okay finally, we gotta check out Cyber Tarot here
by Harper Collins Interactive.
Yeah, somehow I associated them
with more quality products than this,
but then again, maybe this is really good.
It was developed by Douglas Rushkopf,
which apparently that's a thing
if his name is on the very front there.
I actually like the box, it's pretty sturdy feeling.
As for the software itself, I mean, you know.
It's just like virtual tarot cards.
And I have zero experience with tarot cards.
I've never used them, I've never had
my reading or whatever you call it.
We got a pretty substantial looking
little manual here, and some discs.
Again, I really like this packaging, look at that.
Look how neat this is, so yeah.
Three different discs here, this is
the Windows version, makes me happy.
Look at how cozy they are.
I'm curious about what this manual actually contains,
'cause it's like 40 pages long, it's not a tiny manual.
Welcome to Cyber Tarot, hm, let's see here.
"Tarot has been a trusted source
"of divinations for hundreds of generations.
"Now Cyber Tarot combines the trusted
"methods of traditional tarot
"with the convenience and accessibility
"of the computer age", oh good.
I've read through here looking for
any kind of inclinations that they
weren't taking it seriously, like
maybe a disclaimer or something saying
this is for fun, it's not in there.
This is all very self-serious, so let's try it out.
I love those disc drive noises.
My name is Clint, cool, so do we want
divergent future, antagonist, key,
protagonist, I don't know what this crap is, shuffle.
That's kinda neat, you can cut the deck any way you want.
Shuffling that way, I'm gonna cut it
right here and right here, sweet.
Let's do that, and deal, I guess.
Okay, we've got really weird looking images, there's a butt.
"Many Major Arcana indicate powerful cosmic forces."
"This reveals deep rooted and universal
"forces in the questioner's life.
"The questioner is compelled towards
"spiritual and psychological change
"through the experience and understanding
"of truth, completion and perfection.
"The questioner may feel as though
"there are circumstances at work beyond their control."
Well not really, but thanks anyway.
"The questioner's issues are not
"based on day-to-day circumstances,
"but rather deeply profound in more
"spiritual or psychological nature."
Alright, I'm just gonna click one of these, Future.
"This position shows the outcome
"of the future if you stay on the present course."
Oh.
(laughing)
Well, I guess that's the future.
(laughter)
You didn't see that one coming, did you?
Oh dang it, well, that was almost fun.
I'd much rather get a real reading by someone
who can play it up and make it interesting.
Well I feel enlightened, I don't know about you,
but yeah, that's LGR Oddware for today.
And if you enjoyed this episode,
then perhaps you'd like to see some of my others.
I've got plenty of them at this point,
and plenty more are in the works.
So stay tuned, new videos every Monday and Friday
on odd things and slightly less odd things sometimes.
And as always, thank you very much for watching LGR.