And can you say action just while I'm in character?
Action.
Hey, guys.
Welcome to Comment Commentary, my first Comment
Commentary of 2014.
Oh, it is.
You guys were on Comment Commentary last week.
We were.
With a special guest named Phil DeFranco.
He has a great show.
You guys can subscribe to him over at --youtube.com/sxephil.
You might have heard of him.
I didn't when I first started.
Yeah, well.
And so we're going to move right along.
And so we have a--
It's straight scotch.
Yeah.
Just straight scotch.
Not even.
It's just amber liquid.
So we have a brand new Facebook banner photo.
Please check it out right there.
Hello.
Also, if you want to be a banner photo of the week--
Oh, oh, oh.
--go over to facebook.com and click SourceFed
and click that little like button.
Oh.
All right?
You already do it figuratively.
Time to do it kinetically.
Kinetically.
It makes sense, right?
Movement?
Oh, sure.
Yeah, no.
I mean, you--
Kinetic energy.
You really fought against the word literally.
Physically.
You were just like, I'm going to use any other word.
Literally's been done.
And if you--
Yeah.
If you like something figuratively,
you also like it literally.
Want to know why it's been done?
Because it's the correct word to use.
Oh, my god.
Wait.
I feel like that's--
It's repetitive though.
There's overlap.
We found your biography title.
Literally's Been Done.
That is legitimately Elliott Morgan's biography.
Elliott Morgan, Literally's Been Done.
If I had written an autobiography, I'd call it,
I Got to Write a Book?
Am I Done Yet?
Yeah.
Am I Done Yet?
Yeah.
So also, here are other Facebook photos.
It's f-ing cold outside.
So there's a polar-- that was good.
We're like a class when the principal comes.
Read the words on the board.
How's everybody doing?
All together.
Yeah.
The polar vortex is happening.
Apologies to anybody out there.
Oh, god.
You didn't do it.
I know, but I feel sorry for them.
I feel horrible for them.
Yeah, I guess-- I feel apologies to anybody out there.
It's legitimately-- it is what?
Hold on.
9:43.
Can't get her phone to work.
Hold on, guys.
She's really having a day.
I got it.
I am having a day.
What's that?
What's that? [INAUDIBLE]?
I just wanted to get the weather.
For the love of god.
Just say Negative 50 degrees with wind chills.
What are you doing?
[SIRI SOUND EFFECT]
Oh.
Siri, how cold is it outside?
When you're in a pinch, yeah.
Siri always works.
[SIRI SOUND EFFECT]
Just going to ruin it.
(ELECTRONIC VOICE) I didn't find anything
for how cold is it outside. [INAUDIBLE]
Are you serious?
Siri is the crappiest--
What an idiot.
Siri understood every word--
Every word.
--and couldn't do it.
Siri, go [BLEEP] yourself.
[SIRI SOUND EFFECT]
(ELECTRONIC VOICE) I don't know what that means.
All right.
(ELECTRONIC VOICE) If you like--
Well, that's why you're boring.
OK.
Boring and useless.
So we asked you guys, what's the coldest you've ever been?
But we asked you to say how cold you've
been in a Seussian manner with poems.
Emily Seiler says, "For complete Christmas cheer,
we all wanted to know.
But now that it's here, we wanted it to go."
Is that what you just read?
Go.
Snow.
Yeah, snow.
You said know.
Start over.
Poor Emily.
You're going to lose a lot of the cadence.
You're going to lose a lot of the meaning.
"For complete Christmas--" hold on. [CLEARS THROAT]
Maybe a little enthusiasm.
(BRITISH ACCENT) "For complete Christmas cheer,
we all wanted snow.
But now that it's here, we want it to go.
We frizzled and frazzled as our asses froze.
And everyone everywhere dressed in warm clothes."
So far, this is the best one.
"Many would say these temps are unseen,
but what a cool start to 2014.
I like it.
So far, so good.
What a cool start?
That was really good, Emily.
That was funny.
Yeah.
Emily said-- oh, no.
(IN A VOICE) Yo, I got a straggly thing.
What happened?
Oh, are you OK?
Oh, no.
(IN A VOICE) Yeah, I got a little straggler going on.
The Elliott Morgan story.
(IN A VOICE) Do you guys have any fabric scissors?
Hold on.
Cut the straggler.
There is a straggler on this tie.
(IN A VOICE) There we go.
It's good.
It's hidden.
All right.
All right, guys.
Well, moving on.
Maxim's woman of the year.
Woo, yay.
Oh.
We showed you guys Maxim's woman of the year,
who was Eva Longoria.
We all were--
I literally forgot.
I forgot that she existed.
I know.
Oh, if only--
I forgot legitimately.
I don't forget about Eva Longoria.
I do.
In the battle of the publicists, Eva Longoria won.
Yeah.
I'm like, what show does she have coming out soon?
Duh, Desperate Housewives DVD.
Desperate publicists?
Desperate to stay popular housewives?
I think just desperate.
We asked you guys, tell us your woman
of the year or man of the year.
Because we're not gender biased here.
Read the first comment though.
And the first one is "Elliott should be man of the year."
We should have made him read that.
By Hailey Rainier.
He wanted to.
That's why he plugged it.
Oh, oh.
You're gonna-- oh, careful, everybody.
[INAUDIBLE] coin slot.
Oh, does anyone want to snap a shot of that baby?
Oh.
Did anybody see Community last night
with the-- it's called the ass crack bandit.
And there's a guy that just-- sorry.
I know this is just-- soak it in for a moment.
Let it happen.
There's this-- the whole plot is there's this guy walking
around putting quarters down people's butt cracks.
And they've made this whole-- it was like an SVU type parody.
I love that.
Every time it happened, it was so funny.
Donald Glover was in a wheelchair,
wrapped in a blanket with a coffee cup after it happened.
And he walks up to the guy they [INAUDIBLE].
And he slaps him, and he sits back down.
And he gets rolled to-- Anyway.
It was great.
Oh.
Ooh, back into it.
Oh, there it is.
Back into it.
There you go.
Well.
See?
Elliott Morgan, man of the year.
Thank you, Hailey.
He has a website you can hit him up at.
Contact him directly.
Yeah, directly contact him.
I'm available on most of the social media platforms.
He's also available for bat and bar mitzvahs.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought it was a pose.
Raptor Jesus-- my favorite Jesus.
My favorite raptor.
Said, "If you don't think Jennifer Lawrence is perfect,
then you can--" OK.
Get the f out of my face.
Raptor Jesus.
OK, raptors are quick to temper.
Yeah.
In fairness.
Jesus, too, in fairness.
Yeah.
Really quick.
He got mad.
He was like, hey, give me-- I don't know.
But at the same time [INAUDIBLE].
Raptor Jesus [INAUDIBLE].
This comment, if I had to augment it,
then it would say, "If you don't think
Jennifer Lawrence is perfect, then I respect your opinion,
and I turn the other cheek."
Yeah.
Rawr.
And now I'm gonna eat you.
You look good.
You look delicious.
And I'm going to open a door with my claw.
The only thing that you know about raptors is that--
Whose dino information does not mostly come from Jurassic Park?
What do they say?
Clever girl.
(IN A VOICE) Clever girl.
Sexiest man and woman-- and the gun's like right there.
And they're like, I can't-- grab the gun.
I know.
She was in shock.
Imkluu said, "Sexiest man and woman of this year.
I am still a Scarlett Johansson fan."
I get it.
Mm-hmm.
"As for a guy, I guess Hugh Jackman."
I don't get Hugh Jackman.
No, I don't get that.
Too old.
Can I-- real quick though.
I saw Prisoners this week.
He's great.
Amazing.
He's great.
I just waved because it's like, hey, 2014.
I thought you were saying hi to Hugh Jackman.
(IN A VOICE) Hey, Hugh Jackman.
(IN A VOICE) Hey, I saw--
Little known fact.
Huge SourceFed fan.
Yeah, he is.
Huge.
Huge SourceFed fan.
But he wears that--
Wife beater?
Yeah, I was going to say SourceFed shirt.
OK, the SourceFed wife beater.
Can you guys-- can you Photoshop Hugh Jackman wearing
some sort of SourceFed gear?
That'd be amazing.
That'd be magical.
Post it on our Facebook page, facebook.com.
Keep it coming.
Facebook.com.
Kezi looked for a second like you
thought she was going to do it.
And she was like, I'm not doing it.
Kezi was like, I got a lot of stuff to do today
and Photoshopping Hugh Jackman into a SourceFed shirt is not--
It's low on my list.
Oddly though, it was there before you asked.
I know.
She was like, hold on.
Click, click.
She's actually already had one.
Yeah.
She already had one.
I have this in my file.
It's so funny.
Guys, have you even seen her screen saver?
That's it.
I've been dropping a lot of hints.
Big Jack fan.
Big.
Big Jack fan.
That's what his fans are called, Hugh "Jackfans."
Oh, god.
That's great.
That's brilliant.
Mexican 007, but with threes and ones in there.
It says, "As a straight man, Henry 'cay-vill' and Olivia
Wilde."
Or "cah-vill."
"Cah-vill?"
"Cah-vill."
Are you sure?
I don't know.
That's how I'd say it.
Is he related to-- what's his name?
That guy on the-- the political correspondent?
[COUGHS]
Oh, boy.
What's his name?
The bald guy that kind of looks like a snake?
Cajun style.
That's like-- you realize that you just
described every politician?
Oh, oh, the guy--
Ah!
Oh, no.
Ashley!
(SLOWED DOWN) Ah!
(SLOWED DOWN) Oh, no.
Ashley!
No.
Thank you, guys.
Buy the poster.
Guys, stay cool, all right?
Save Ashley Scott.
Oh, my god.
Elliott.
You guys, what is going on here?
Holy [BLEEP].
I didn't touch anything.
Stop the show!
[ELEVATOR MUSIC]
All right, guys.
We're back after that.
Look, a brand new poster.
Nothing happened.
If you guys want the poster of me in a bikini,
go to forhumanpeoples.com.
Wouldn't you love that?
I would love that.
Free domestic shipping on shirts.
For what is it?
Maxim's man of the year?
For Maxim's man of the year, guys.
[INAUDIBLE] Maxim's man of the year.
Oh, oh, oh.
I like [INAUDIBLE].
Range, dignity, dignity, dignity.
Dignity.
Sorry.
I forgot about dignity.
What were we talking about?
The third tier.
The third tier, dignity.
Yeah.
So all right.
This bothered me.
Renegade Hedgehog said, "It needs
to be a tie between Lee, Trish, and Meg."
No.
No, OK.
It needs to be a tie among Lee, Trish, and Meg.
Oh.
There we go.
Among.
Ooh, Elliott.
The three.
He is a grammar police.
I committed so hard there.
Yeah, really great.
I would have loved it if you had just
eaten it when you came back to sit.
Just like, no, no. [MAKES SOUND]
[SCREAMS]
Magic cinema!
Movie magic with my mind.
[ELEVATOR MUSIC]
Oh, Bigfoot was found and killed.
You guys, some Southern guy claimed
to have found and killed--
(SOUTHERN ACCENT) Rick Dyer.
Rick Dyer.
I love Bigfoot stories, hands down.
Every couple weeks.
Because I've seen him.
I've seen Bigfoot.
We asked you guys, do you think this real?
Do you think this would be great?
Have you seen before?
Yeah.
We asked you guys, have you seen Bigfoot?
And then Dreadnaught1985 said, "OK, so legit,
who else is worried that this dude has shot and killed
a homeless guy and is now parading the body around?"
What a psycho, hilarious move.
That is pretty amazing.
They're like, check this out.
I don't think it's Bigfoot.
He's committed.
I went to a high school.
And the mascot was a dreadnaught.
Really?
Yeah.
What is a dreadnaught?
Yeah, I went to high school.
It was a-- a dreadnaught is an old warship, I believe.
And so our mascot was an old warship.
Your mascot was a ship?
You guys were the Battleships?
Like someone would actually come out and go like, [HUMMING].
Listen, we won a lot of state championships,
and we produced the Pouncey brothers,
now playing in the National Football Association.
Yeah.
Wow.
So we're both awesome.
Poops.
Oh, I was going to read PoopsMagoops too.
PoopsMagoops--
I love it.
--which is almost as good as Raptor Jesus, said,
"This may be real.
It may be great.
But it's not real great."
Nope.
It may be real great.
It may be great.
But it's not real.
Boom.
Mopati Bogatsu said, "I always thought
Bigfoot would be a (PRONOUNCED H) herbivore."
OK, don't get offensive.
You know what's weird?
I pronounce the letter H in huge.
As most people do.
But I always say "erbavore."
You should say-- (PRONOUNCED H) herb
is the correct pronunciation of (SILENT H) herbs.
Really?
(IN A VOICE) Herbivore.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
I learned from a little bird named Martha Stewart.
Oh.
I used to watch the Martha Stewart.
By the way, speaking of Martha Stewart being a bird,
if you look at some photos of her when she was younger,
like beautiful.
Oh, stunning.
Stunning, yeah.
Gorgeous.
Like Maxim's woman of the year.
Aged like a fine wine.
I would-- good god.
Zakger said, "I saw Bigfoot fight the Gravedigger once.
He's real."
Is that a wrestling joke?
You know who is real?
I swear to god.
[ELEVATOR MUSIC]
Well, that does it for Comment Commentary, guys.
Thanks for tuning in.
We've got some good--
Yeah.
--programming coming up for you guys this weekend.
We have the Ultimate Pop Culture show.
Bloopers, I'm sure.
We have Ultimate Pop Culture.
Probably some pop culture.
We've got--
Ew.
PC.
It's not news.
It's a little news.
It's not news.
Who would want to talk about pop culture?
What does that even mean?
Why don't you just show us your Ashley Sky pose?
Everyone.
That was cold.
Shh.
So stay tuned, guys.
Throughout the weekend, we have Ultimate Pop Culture coming up
tomorrow.
Ew, right?
Who would want to talk about that?
And on Sunday, we have bloopers.
We'll be back on Monday for more news that we'll pelt at you.
Good god.
What?
Seriously?
And make sure you go to--
Oh, my god!
--SourceFed [INAUDIBLE].
There's a whole bunch of stuff over there that's happening.
Movie Club, New Movie Thing Show!
And yeah.
I hope you guys have a wonderful, fun,
and safe weekend.
What is going on?
I don't know.
Are you kidding me?
This is amazing.
We'll see if we're here on Monday, everybody.
Oh, my god.
No, no, no, no, no.