bullets won't work john gorfield the
abomination that was once america's most
beloved cat is now a horrible creature
of lovecraftian construction that
consumes flesh with the ferocity its
host garfield once consumed lasagna but
what is gorfield exactly we live amongst
an infinite number of parallel universes
some of them are so subtly different you
could barely tell the difference others
are massively historical rewrites such
as the nazis winning world war ii or
north america never being colonized by
europeans however the one constant
across all the universes is that there
is always a garfield and there's always
a john the two are inexplicably
connected by perhaps whatever omnipotent
being pulls the strings of all of
infinite creation most of these
garfields are similar to the beloved pet
you know and love from sunday comic
strips a sleepy narcissistic but
well-meaning cat and most importantly of
all a devourer of lasagna garfield lives
with his owner john and john's dog odie
odie and garfield get along well like
cats and dogs though the two tend to
have an amicable relationship garfield
however is clearly the one with the
superior intellect and simpleminded odi
often falls victim to garfield schemes
garfield has an on-again off-again
girlfriend arlene she's a wisecracker
who likes to make jokes at the expense
of garfield and is the only individual
garfield will tolerate getting the
better of him john has his own love
interest in liz wilson whom he's tried
to date for years before she finally
admitted she had feelings for him the
two are now a couple this is the
garfield you know and love the garfield
of most of these infinite timelines but
there are other garfields which are much
more horrible creatures reminiscent of
lovecraftian horrors the multiverse is a
weird terrifying place and these gore
fields are among some of its most
dangerous inhabitants infinite universes
means infinite gore fields and garfields
but 12 of them stand out as the most
sadistic horrifying and dangerous
creatures in existence these are known
as the zodiac gorfields taking on
attributes and sometimes appearances
from their respective zodiac signs in
some of these infinite universes you are
john and one of these twelve gore fields
is hell-bent on murdering torturing or
consuming you sometimes on three our
first gorfield is ares gorefield this
scorefield was once an angel who fell
from grace for some unknown sin as
punishment for his transgression airy
scorfield has his right eye plucked out
of his head leaving behind a vacant hole
and his lower limbs were torn from his
body now he resembles a demonic angel
with only an upper half and a visible
rib cage and backbone his majestic angel
wings still carry him aloft though and
are a clue to his once righteous and
holy past aries scorfield has not just
been physically mutilated but as
punishment he has had eight of his nine
lives taken from him now this luciferian
looking gorefield must consume the
dreams of the living in order to
continue his own survival to make the
consumption of dreams even easier erie
scorfield's very presence can lull
mortals into a deep dream-rich sleep
however having your dreams ripped from
you comes at a cost this cost being
aries gorfield slowly consuming your
life force while you sleep away next we
have taurus scorfield this monstrous
eldritch horror is actually an elder god
long banished to the darkest furthest
reaches of the cosmos however he is now
returned and he hungers for knowledge at
any cost unlike the other gorfields
taurus gorfield is interested in
consuming every scrap of knowledge it
can get not making it an immediate
threat to your life in fact for those
who are also curious minded garfield
offers a very hard bargain knowledge in
exchange for knowledge but this isn't a
simple idea swap you better bring
something to gorfield that it doesn't
already know and once you do the demon
permanently rips the knowledge from your
brain jealously guarding it like a
treasure the price is steep but some
mortals dare make the bargain to gain
insights into the greatest secrets of
the cosmos however some knowledge is not
meant for mortal minds so take caution
you might have wished you remained
ignorant after all to interact with
johns and other mortals taurus gorfield
often takes the shape of a bull with
long curving horns that meet above its
head at the center of which glows a
strange unknown jewel however taurus
scorfield's real form is a mystery but
as an elder god it's estimated can be as
big as an entire galaxy gemini gorfield
is a horrible amalgamation of flesh
muscle bone and tissue in this reality
garfield is merged with his twin brother
raul while in their mother's womb the
mixing of essences resulted in the
creation of a third unique consciousness
gemini gorfield in gemini form gorfield
takes on the appearance of a strange
snake-like creature topped with three
heads one on each side and one smaller
head in the middle spikes and eyes
protrude from all over his body as well
as two sets of well-muscled human-like
arms gemini gorfield has no individual
identity and thus seeks to steal the
identity of others in order to
accomplish this it has the ability to
become a perfect clone of any subject or
john that it wishes the duplication is
so perfect that it even has much of the
original's knowledge helping it fool
family and friends as it slowly works to
socially isolate and drive insane its
target victim cancer gorefield is
another monstrous creation that lives to
sow chaos and discord slowly humiliating
and driving its prey mad taking on the
shape of a massive crab cancer gorfield
resembles a mix between a cat and a crab
originally the creature comes from an
undiscovered island and a parallel earth
full of car-sized feline crustaceans
however some malevolent force led to the
creation of cancer garfield who is now
filled with one purpose drive john madd
through sheer humiliation but it'll
gladly settle for you as its next victim
this score field resembles a giant crab
complete with two massive pincers one is
larger than the other long spindly legs
support its armored body which is topped
with a thick bulletproof shell its
feline-like head juts out of its
protective shell and has a dislocatable
lower jaw to aid in consuming victims
cancer gorefield loves to toy with its
prey inflicting humiliation via
overconfidence the creature is able to
greatly bolster the talents or abilities
of any individual far surpassing
anything they could accomplish on their
own however just when the subject needs
the skill the most cancer gorfield
removes the enhancement relishing and
watching the victim fall in defeat or
humiliation of all the gore fields
cancer gorfield is particularly
manipulative and sadistic leo gorfield
is a different entity from the rest
while the other core fields tend to be
sadistic and hateful leo goerfield
technically believes it's helping johns
by testing their courage this creature
is a statue brought to life via unknown
means upon the death of its sculptor
since then leo gorfield has become the
guardian of the underworld which has
granted its supernatural powers for
raising the dead it then uses these
powers to test the valor of its victims
by resurrecting the dead or sending them
to try and ruin leo gorfield's victim's
life often this includes a lot of
violence leo gorfield however was
shocked to discover one day that john's
bear striking resemblance to its creator
and it has since been obsessed with
testing the valor of every john it
discovers john's find themselves under
constant assault by the dead brought
back to life with only one goal in mind
destroy him in his life this is not a
true resurrection though and these
undead slowly rot and waste away to
nothingness once more if not successful
in their mission
virgo gorfield is a creature of tragedy
once this perfectly normal garfield fell
in love with a cat from the wrong side
of town tragically he was then beheaded
and his spirit refused to depart from
our world without having tasted the
pleasures of the true love denied to it
now virgo gorfield feeds on the passion
and lusts of others and enjoys
catfishing individuals just for the fun
of it virgo gorfield can be difficult to
spot until it's too late often victims
will simply see a beautiful vulnerable
woman sometimes clothed sometimes nude
overcome with lust or love the victim
will then approach only to make a
horrifying discovery the woman is simply
a lure at the end of virgo gorfield's
freakishly long tongue much like a deep
sea angler fish once the victim is in
range the tongue can act like an
appendage dragging the victim to a
massive tooth-filled mouth the lure
however can be difficult to identify
because virgo gorfield remains invisible
and intangible until the moment it
strikes what appears to you as an
ordinary woman that seems perfectly
human hides a terrible truth revealed
only when you admit your deep desires or
emotions for the lure then virgo
gorfield strikes with terrible delight
eating you alive libra gorfield is
another entity that can't be truly
considered evil this being is an
animated machine that's believed to be
the greatest creation of some long
forgotten and reclusive renaissance
inventor originally this living machine
was meant to guide humanity toward an
ideal future by using its ability to
weigh the bad and good inside of each
individual person however the machine
became sentient and quickly grew
disillusioned with humanity now
enlightenment is no longer an option
humanity must remain mediocre because
that's what it always was at its core
anyway this gorfield takes on the
appearance of a massive set of scales
the size of a house the scales carry the
body parts and remains of what appear to
have been previous victims those found
wanting in its stern judgment the scales
also give the appearance of eyes along
with a mouth toward the bottom of its
central body and two paws libra gorfield
now exists only to create a future where
everything is perfectly balanced thus it
forces victims to undergo a harsh
judgment of their lives and actions with
the goal being to achieve a net karma of
zero too many good or bad deeds will
bring on punishment fail its test at
your own peril as your remains will
likely end up on one side of its
perfectly balanced scales if you do in
an alternate universe deep under the
earth inside a secret government lab
incomprehensible genetic experiments
take place one day scorpio gorfield is
born a creature of terrible psychic
power this is a cross between a garfield
and a scorpion that has resulted in a
crossbreed creature that can project
horrible prophetic visions into its
victims minds it flooded the minds of
its captors with visions of their demise
literally terrifying them to death or
simply breaking their psyche now let
loose upon the world scorpio gorfield
seeks out jon's and any victims that
draws attention if got in the path of a
scorpio gorfield you can expect to be
bombarded with horrible images of your
own demise however there seems to be
some kind of prophetic power at work
here and not merely psychic suggestions
as the images that repeat the most
inevitably become the way a victim dies
this monstrous creature is the size of a
couch with a feline-like head and a
massive scorpion body if its deadly
psychic projections don't kill you its
massive answers or a deadly stinger
certainly would but it much more prefers
to simply torment its victims to death
with visions of death and despair the
only way to avoid the death or told to
you by scorpio gorfield is to avoid the
places where it's supposed to take place
at all costs easier said than done in
many cases however every time you cheat
death there's a good chance you'll draw
the attention of scorpio gorfield again
restarting the pattern of mental torture
and inevitably leading to death
sagittarius scorfield is a creature born
from a twisted interpretation of a
child's wish now the creature believes
that jon is the child who wished it into
existence and the whimsical psychopathic
half horse half cat maniac seeks to play
games with jon that have the highest of
stakes his very light unlike the other
gore field sagittarius scorfield is
often actively helping jon but its
childlike whimsy constantly puts john's
life at risk by firing its special
arrows sagittarius gorfield can directly
manipulate the luck of anything that
they hit making individuals or even
entire situations extremely lucky or
unlucky there's nothing quite like high
stakes to make a game fun though and
while sagittarius scorfield doesn't
actively want to kill jon it can't help
but drag him into high stakes games of
life and death while it might try to
help jon it simply can't predict whether
its enchanted arrows will result in
extremely good or bad fortune for him
capricorn gorfield's real origins are
completely unknown and it's believed
that this was never a replacement
garfield in whatever hellish alternate
reality it occupies instead capricorn
gorfield was summoned into existence by
a secret cult attempting to communicate
with eldritch beings of terrible power
but rather than some dark god capricorn
gorfield came through their summoning
circle spreading violence and misery at
the behest of its incomprehensible
master capricorn gorfield resembles a
twisted version of enki the capricorn
symbol however it sports an upside down
pentagram on its head and its large
mouth is full of razor sharp teeth
massive horns curl along each side of
its head above which floats an eternal
flame luckily for you capricorn gorfield
is pretty weak on land as he only has
tiny goat legs to support its great
white shark sized body however its
powerful tail still makes it a
formidable opponent on land sadly
capricorn gorfield doesn't need to hunt
you down physically to kill you in fact
it prefers not to instead it uses its
ability to communicate via white noise
to slowly drive its victims to
undertaking ever more self-destructive
and violent acts eventually this leads
to death or madness which seems to be
capricorn gorfield's only real purpose
aquarius scorfield might be the only
friendly gorfield on this list this
creature has spawned somewhere in the
deepest abyss and appears like a skinny
elongated garfield albeit with sharp
teeth and spikes coming out of its back
stumbling upon a magic jar caused it to
transform into its present form as well
as instilling it with a keen intellect
allowing it to communicate with
individuals it chooses to form a bond
with on this alternate earth john saved
the life of this miserable creature
leading to aquarius gorfield becoming
instantly bonded to john for life
however aquarius gorefield is an
extremely jealous creature following its
john throughout the day and using its
supernatural ability to sneak around and
remain unseen by others john can even
ask it to perform certain tasks by
offering the creature quantities of
blood much like how the real garfield
makes the real john's life miserable by
accident or as a consequence of its own
laziness or selfishness aquarius
scorfield also has a penchant for making
john's life miserable though purely by
accident pisces scorfield is yet another
sadistic incarnation of the beloved
garfield this creature was once a rain
god worshiped in ancient times and a
great lover of art in order to preserve
heart though pisces gorfield would cause
heavy storms which unleashed a
torrential downpour on entire cities
drowning them and sending them to the
bottom of the sea where he could admire
their great works forever this gore
field resembles a massive fish which has
little similarity to the original
garfield its body appears to be covered
in many wounds and scars some of them
fresh enough to still bleed a massive
chain is also wrapped around its tail
the origins of which are unknown pisces
garfield is obsessed with playing a game
of hide and seek with john's it
discovers the rules are simple to win
jon must avoid getting completely
drenched while pisces gorfield causes it
to rain in their vicinity the longer the
game goes on the heavier the rain
becomes until inevitably there's nowhere
left to hide once drenched john is
instantly teleported to a cell at the
bottom of the sea where he drowns now go
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