I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.
Hi. James from engVid.
Dreaming, what am I dreaming about?
Well, this lesson, to be honest.
I'm trying to find a way that would be easier to have difficult conversations.
It's a dream, but it's a dream I'm going to help you turn into a reality.
Today what we're going to look at is nine words... ten words to give you to use in conversations
that you might find difficult in English that no one else has given you.
I will give you some situations that you could use these words in, and then we're going to
play, have a little bit of fun.
Okay?
It's something you can do by yourself, you can do it with a friend, or a group, and it
will help you become more creative and a lot better with English, more like a native speaker
because you'll understand what these words are and how to use them appropriately.
Are you ready?
Let's go to the board.
As E says, these are difficult conversations.
There are many different types, from relationship and work, so we're going to have a bit of fun.
And I'll start off with the words first.
Let's look at the word "confess".
When you confess something it means you must give the truth or tell the truth about something,
something that someone hasn't known, you will have to tell them.
Right?
I have to confess that I like yellow and I'm wearing yellow underwear.
You didn't know, it's hidden, but now you know.
"Resolve", it means to find a way.
If you resolve to do something, you want to resolve, you have decided to do something
and you've got a strong...
A strong desire to do it.
A resolve to lose 15 pounds means I've made a promise to myself to work towards that to do that.
"Regret".
Regret, you say you're sorry, and it means I feel bad about it.
When you regret you wish you didn't do it.
I regret breaking off with a girlfriend five years ago because she would have made the
perfect wife.
I regret.
"Condolences", use this one what we call sparingly, which means don't use it a lot.
Condolences...
Or the word "condolence" is usually reserved for death.
Okay?
So, when you say "condolence", if you say: "I give my condolences", you wouldn't say
that if someone lost their job.
"Oh, you lost your job?
My condolences."
They're not dying.
They just don't have work.
Okay?
They have a future.
But if you hear someone is really sick, they have cancer, serious cancer or their parent
or someone that they know has died, then you would say: "I offer my condolences."
You can even use it for a pet, if their dog that they've had for ten years has died, offer condolences.
It means I'm extremely, extremely sorry that this has happened to you.
Okay?
"Empathize".
"Empathy" is to feel like someone else.
"Empathize" is to...
We can understand and have...
Share the emotion with you.
We have that empathy.
And I say, I see a poor person on the street, and someone says: "Look, they're lazy."
I go: "Can't you empathize?
Imagine what it would be like.
Feel what they feel."
"Mend".
"Mend" means to fix, fix something.
You want to mend it.
You can mend a relationship.
If you're fighting: We need to mend this relationship.
All right?
We need to make it better, fix it.
If you break your arm and it's fixed, the arm is mended, you go your arm will mend;
fix.
I like "disillusion".
"An illusion" is something you think is true, but it's not.
It's an illusion.
Magic tricks.
Here you go, here it's gone.
Whenever I go like this, there's the illusion that I've been standing here waiting for you
to come back.
Right?
It's all cameras.
To be disillusioned is to believe something was true and you find out it's not true anymore.
You think your mother or father is the greatest person on the planet, and then you find out,
just like you, they have flaws or weaknesses, and they make mistakes.
And you're like: "But I thought you were perfect."
You had become disillusioned.
They weren't perfect or they are not perfect.
"Consider".
Consider this.
Think.
And if you know the song I was trying to sing, REM.
Anyway, consider, think about something.
"I need you to consider", to think about.
"Impact", bap!
How something affects something else when it hits it.
Bullets have an impact-boof-they hit you.
Whoa.
There's impact, it affects your body.
Okay?
What is the impact?
When this change happens, what will happen?
Impact, there's impact to it.
"React".
"Act" is action, "react" means back or again.
So, if somebody pushes you, how do you react?
What do you do back?
Okay.
How do you react?
Or if you won a million dollars, how do you react?
You've got information, give information back out.
Like, I won a million: "Woo-hoo!
I'm rich!"
Okay?
And here's a word: "acknowledge".
If you look carefully in there, there's the word "know".
When you acknowledge we have to say: "We know this is true."
We know this is true.
We acknowledge this person to be a great citizen.
We're saying we know it's true that they're a great citizen.
And before I go further, I have to acknowledge: Horae!
And I'm not saying the word.
Her name is Horae who gave me this beautiful shirt from Africa.
Thank you.
You can get one, too; just go to Africa.
Otherwise, this is mine.
Thank you, Horae, for this shirt, and I'm proudly wearing it on engVid, so I hope you
get to see this video and go: "I gave him this shirt", and yes you did.
Horae Ba gave me this shirt.
Thanks, Horae.
Okay, anyway.
So, difficult conversations.
I've taught you some words, gave you some, you know, vocabulary, and you're like: "Great,
I have vocabulary, but how is that a conversation?"
Well, here's where we're going to use our imagination and creativity.
If you're by yourself, you can make a speech.
And I might recommend that you take two words or three words, definitely one word and try
to speak to someone using it, and you would pretend that this person would be here.
So, in this case, E will be my person.
So you can draw your own little Mr. E on your paper, and put E out there and you can talk
to E. Or if you have a friend you're sitting beside, you can go: "Okay, I'm going to pretend
to be the parent, and you'll be the child.
I'll be the president, you'll be the citizen.
I'll be the man, you'll be the woman."
I will be the man, you can be the woman.
I'm not going to be the woman.
Okay.
Ready?
So let's do the first one.
So, the first thing you would do is you would say, here's the situation: Our president has
to tell his/her people that his/her...
I know this is complicated, but just I'll do it one way and then you'll get it.
Okay?
A person has to tell his people that his government cannot help them in an emergency, or a president
has to tell her people that her government cannot help them in an emergency.
By the way, that's the proper way to write in English.
If you have to do that, a lot of times we put "them" or "their" to make it easier, but
I just want to give you an example where it's supposed to be written correctly, both genders
indicated to show that it could be a man or a woman.
Back to the lesson.
Okay, so a president has to tell their people that, or tell his or her people that there's
a problem.
So, here we go.
How many words, what do you think, E?
I think I have to use, what?
Okay, four...
Okay, I have to use four words, here we go.
My American people, I stand before you today and I regret having to tell you that there
is an emergency in the State of the Union: Donald Trump's President.
I mean: There's an emergency in the State of the Union.
I would like to give my condolences to those people who have been affected by this situation.
We are trying to empathize with the pain you may be going through, and we hope to mend
our nation as soon as possible.
I'm going to go for bonus, here.
I know you are disillusioned with what has gone on and our lack of response to help you-going
for the bonus-but please consider that we are under tremendous stress because of the
impact of this situation on our nation.
We are reacting in the best way possible, and we hope that you can acknowledge the effort
we have put forth to help you out.
That's how a president should sound.
Anybody out there, take note, send it off to some people.
Okay?
Anyway, that way would be a president apologizing for not being able to help the people in a
situation.
Okay?
Puerto Rico, hope you're okay.
So, next, here's another situation.
E says four for the next one, I'll do it.
A doctor has to tell a parent that his or her child has died.
Oh.
Mrs. E, I regret to...
I would like to offer the condolences of the hospital in this tragic situation.
I confess I don't have the words to express how you must feel and what we'd like to do
to help you.
I know my words cannot mend this situation for you.
And I hope the fact I'm taking this time will have the impact, I hope, which is to bring
some solace to your life at the loss of your child.
Once again we offer our condolences.
Okay?
That's what a doctor might say.
And the third one, you have to tell your lover that you've cheated on him or her.
I'll make this one funny.
Okay.
Ready?
You know, baby, you have to acknowledge that the sex has not been good of late.
Okay?
You have to acknowledge that, it's true.
And I know you're going to react badly to what I'm going to tell you, but please consider
that I tried, and I tried, and I tried, and I waited, and I was trying to...
I was trying to empathize with you that you were going through some difficulties, and
I regret what I did.
I cheated on you.
Now, I'm going to resolve not to do that again.
I'm going to resolve not to do that again, and I confess I felt badly when I did it because
I love you so much, and I hope that these words will help mend our relationship.
Okay?
Baby, can you consider keeping me?
Please?
Now, you can try that, I doubt it will work, but at least you have the English words now
to say something and hope she understands that you're serious, because you can say:
"I even went to engVid to learn these lessons...
These words to speak to you in the way that I thought was important."
Okay?
All right.
So, look, enough joking around.
So, these are nine words, so you've learned some vocabulary.
I've given you a situation where I've used the words randomly, as you can see these are
random, to generate conversation.
Now, of course, when you're doing this you wouldn't just go into a speech, but you might
say for instance the doctor one, Mrs. E, I confess there's something I regret having
to tell you today, and you'd wait for her to respond, like: "What do you have to say,
doctor?"
And you would say: "Listen, please consider that we've tried as hard as we can to save
your child during the operation."
Wait for a response.
So it would be a back and a forth, and that way you engage listening skills and use the
appropriate words at the right time.
Now, I have a couple more really bad situations to go to, and then I'm going to have you try
and fill out your own speech to see what you would say.
We have to have a quiz, right?
That's how we do it.
[Snaps]
I don't know why I said good-bye.
Anyway, I'm back, and I would like to give us a little bit of a test using the words
we just learned.
Okay?
I'm going to use some of them, as Mr. E will pretend to be President speaking to his people.
But before I do that I would like to offer you a little bonus.
You had nine words which can be difficult, but you have the explanation for the words
and I've given a game you can play, but I want to give you a couple other situations
that may actually occur in real life that you want to practice.
So for that we'll have another six words.
You ready?
I know it's tough, let's go.
You are breaking up with someone.
Well, what does that mean?
You're in a relationship, girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife and you want to split the relationship.
There are times you are going to have to use some words that will help make it a little
bit better.
One of the words I have here is "crossroads".
"Crossroads" means you're coming to a place where now you have to make a decision.
So the road goes like this.
At a crossroads, you have to go across or left or right.
It's time to make a decision.
So when you're at a crossroads for something, you have to decide whether you go left or
right or continue, but a decision must be made and usually because a situation has come
that is very difficult to maintain.
So it's very difficult to keep going forward, so what do you decide?
Do you do that or do you take other options?
"Commitment".
[Whistles].
Whoa, that's a loaded word.
"Commitment".
"Commitment" means, "mit" means to move; "commit", together.
When you make a commitment you move together.
Okay?
So, like we talk about motion, you're moving together, you're committed to this action.
We will move together to this action.
Commitment, like marriage, or relationship is a commitment.
Right?
Here's one: "Didn't want to lead you on".
It means to make you think we're going somewhere, but we're actually not going to go there.
So if you think we're going to get married, we're not going to get married, but I'm going
to lead you on and make you think we're going to get married.
Okay?
So, in a situation like this you might have say...
Well, E's here, so: E, I mean we've doing this for, I don't know, eight, nine years,
but I think we've come to a crossroads because...
Well, I'm a man and you're a worm.
You're not even human.
So it's hard for me to keep this commitment going when it could be, like, bestiality.
You know?
It's illegal in many cases.
And I didn't want to lead you on that this relationship would go further into marriage
and we'd have children, because we're a different species, that's never going to happen.
Worms and humans can't do that.
So I got to break up with you.
See?
Conversation.
Now, got to give me a kiss.
You know?
Yeah, you got to be nice.
I love you, baby.
Next one.
How about this one?
Okay, I got to preface this, that means I got to say something first.
I know for some people it's hard to even imagine homosexuality as a choice for someone, so
please be mature and understand that the world is different for many different people in
many different areas.
And for some people this happens.
Okay?
Or you may find yourself on the receiving end of this conversation from a friend, a
parent, a co-worker, and try to be respectful.
Okay?
You don't have to love everything that people do in this world, but you can be respectful.
So in this case we have a: You have to tell your child you're gay or homosexual.
I know some of you: "[Gasps]", but if you can get through a conversation like this,
telling someone you have to break up with them is a lot easier or telling someone you
have to leave a job is a lot easier.
So, we have words, like: "confused", means I don't understand.
I have some information and some information, I don't know how they work together.
"Acceptance" means it doesn't mean I'm going to be 100% for what you're doing, but I can
accept it, it's okay.
Right?
It doesn't mean I'll be joining you.
And "courage" means to be strong when things are difficult or hard.
So, in this case if I were a parent, I might say: "Hey, son, you might be a little bit
confused.
I know, because I've been your dad and you've known me a certain way for your whole life,
but there are things inside me that feel different and I need to express those things.
I hope you can have your acceptance that you'll still accept the relationship that we have
as father and son, I know I'll always be here for you.
And I know it will take a lot of courage to enter this new phase of our relationship where,
you know, there's a different side to your father that you didn't know before."
Now, I'm not hoping that any of you have to make that conversation and that your friends
and families would accept and love you the way you are, but in case you ever have to
do that or be on the receiving, like: "Hey, dad, I know you must be confused because you
found out that you're...
You know, you're not...
Gay, not straight.
But it's okay.
You know?
I knew you as a child, I still have acceptance for who you are as a person.
And I...
I'm proud that you have the courage to be who you are."
Cool.
See?
I've just reversed it from child talking to parent and back.
You never know, you might be in that situation.
Cool?
So, we'll move on from there because we have a test.
Right?
I taught you all sorts of wonderful words and they're not here, but here's President
E, and can you guess what Mr. E will say in this difficult conversation?
Let's do the first one.
"As your president, I _______ having to bring this news for you."
What?
It's a verb, and it means sorry to do.
"I'm sorry I have to do something."
That's right, "regret".
He regrets having to bring this news to you.
Mr. E regrets bringing this news to you.
What's the next one?
"Our government offers our _______ to all the people that have been hurt in the latest
shootings."
Our government offers our something.
It's to be very sorry, you're very sorry about something.
"condolences", that's right.
Because that's, remember?
Something very, very bad, someone's died or it's horrible.
Condolences, because we said the word "shootings".
Condolences.
"We _______ with your feelings of loss."
We, what?
What do we?
What can your feelings of loss?
What's another word for saying you can feel what they feel, you understand how they feel,
you can share these emotions?
Empathize, remember?
To have empathy, to feel like another person; empathize.
"We empathize with your loss."
Next: "We know many of you are _______ with our
current gun laws."
Well, if we look at shootings, and people have been hurt, we have condolences, and we
have laws now and they don't seem to be working.
What would you be feeling?
What would you feel?
Let's see.
Hmm.
What would you feel?
I forgot to do this, forgive me, but there.
You were disillusioned.
Remember you talked about illusion?
If there's an illusion, you think something is true, you were disillusioned with our current
gun laws.
You thought that they were good and you found out they weren't good because people got shot.
What's the next one we're going to have?
Okay?
So: "Therefore my government has _______ to fix
this problem."
What is my government going to do to fix this problem?
It means to...
If you...
If you have a problem, you solve it, what do you have to do?
That's right: "The government has resolved to fix this problem."
We're promising to fix it.
Solve, go back and solve it.
When you resolve, you make a promise to go back and fix something.
"Fix this problem that _______ so many good people."
So it's a problem and it has an impact, or...
Or does something to people we would say.
I think I gave it away if you were listening carefully.
That's right, "impacts".
Impacts.
And if you look at all the words I've written up here, we did them on the board before,
and this is actually something that's happened recently in our history that some people are
upset by some things that had happened in a country that we know of.
And they were upset about the gun laws, and this is a kind of speech a president could
make to make the people feel better, knowing that there was a problem, they understand
the pain that they are going through and that they have lost, and that they feel sorry for
what's happened and they know they have not helped the people, they've been disillusioned,
but they could promise to fix it.
Any government can do it.
I mean, you can be anything from Brazil, United States, it could happen anywhere in the world.
Okay?
So that's just one example of a difficult conversation.
The words we've used we've used in a serious situation, and you can use them in less serious
situations as we've talked about, like breaking up with someone.
I mean, or saying you're gay or having to tell somebody that there child has died.
These are really serious, but if you can master these words, you can use them in less serious
situations and be very effective in your ability to speak to people.
Anyway, as always, we have homework.
So I need to trust, I've got a homework sheet for you.
Sorry.
Let's see.
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.
What's your homework today?
Assignment, I need you to take three words from all the words I've taught you, you can
also use these words here and I want you to pick one of the situations I've given, and
give yourself five minutes, look at the words, think about the situation, and then try to
come up with your own speech that you would use using these words.
You can also have a friend do it, join you.
Okay?
And they can have a conversation where you would use one, they would use one and counter,
and see how that flows.
Cool?
If you get a little better, try for five words.
And the second thing for homework is make up your own difficult situation.
And here's what I want you to do: Once you've done that using three words I've given you
or you've made up your own, go visit engVid.
We have a really big community there where people talk after doing the quizzes and ask
each other questions.
We're happy to, you know, help you out where we can.
But talk to each other and you can actually have fun with this, say: "Here was my conversation.
What was yours?
What word did you have?
Do you have a new word that you'd like to use?"
We're open to your suggestions, we look forward to hearing from you.
Anyway, once again, thank you very much.
Don't forget to subscribe.
The button is somewhere over here.
I always forget where it is.
E, help me out.
You'll see a button.
Subscribe, join us.
We look forward to seeing you, and don't forget to go do the quiz at engVid.
Okay?
Anyway, thanks again.
Ciao.