(siren)
(chainsaw sawing)
(screams)
(creepy music)
- This is bad.
- What are we gonna do?
- Oh free office supplies.
- Oh sick.
Sorry, we just-
- We're just writing stuff down.
- I'm not gonna hurt you.
- Thank God.
- But I don't know if I'm gonna save you either.
What a choice.
- Okay, well that's fine.
- No.
I can't just leave these two pathetic people to die.
Alright, I'll save you, but we need to move.
Now.
- If you don't wanna save us, you don't have to.
- Yeah, it's fine.
- Really?
What's your plan?
You gonna comic write your way out of this?
- Alright fine.
- It seems like a lot of people
would have just left you guys,
so I don't know, maybe you could-
- What do you want us to say, thank you?
- We don't have time for that.
Let's move.
Now.
(epic music)
We gotta make it to the seventh floor.
There's a safe haven in the southwest corner.
Fuck off and die pig.
Sui!
Could you guys have done that?
- I don't think so, no.
- No, probably not.
You got any compliments for me?
Anything you wanna lay on me?
Nothing?
Save it for later, save it for
when I get you outta this alive.
- Okay.
(eerie music)
- I was just thinking about how
bad I just saved you guys back there.
I was like ahh, didn't panic.
I bet you're wondering how many times I've purged.
- How many times?
- I don't wanna talk about it.
Anyway, super safe up there.
Doors automatically lock, you guys will pretty secure.
I'd be feeling that right now
if I were on my own.
- What do you want us to say?
- Yeah man I feel like you want us to
be way more thankful to you than we actually need to be.
Like you found us.
- Shh, shut your faces.
Did you hear that?
- Guys, guys, there's free office supplies.
(gunshot)
- Goodnight Bitch Boy Roy.
You're welcome.
- Jesus Christ dude, that was our friend.
- This whole thing is fucked.
Don't you guys see how fucked all this is?
You're gonna lose friends along the way.
I'm sorry.
I bet this guy wouldn't blame you though.
- He's gonna blame you, you're the one who killed him.
- That's the story we wanna go with
so you guys feel better about what happened, fine.
I'll take one for the team.
Anyway, I'm just remembering earlier about how
that guy jumped out and tried to fucking kill you
and I stopped him from doing it.
God, I feel like I'm out here kicking ass
and you guys don't even fucking care.
- Okay, yeah, I think we're just gonna go
out on our own.
- Yeah, you're kind of a loose cannon so.
- Alright, let's see how far you little dipshits
get without me then.
- Alright bye.
- See ya.
He doesn't even know he's doing it.
What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
- Are you following us?
- You guys following me?
You guys are a couple of fucking shitheads
and you need to listen up.
I'm tired of playing
Mr. Nice Guy Patty Cake Give the Dog a Bone
because I'm the only thing that's
keeping you guys alive, do you understand me?
So from now on, what I say goes.
(epic music)
Have you ever seen one of those before?
- A gun?
- You guys are smarter than you look, that's surprises me.
Skinny looks stupid and blondie looks even stupider.
Here's a tip, point that end at what you want to die
and squeeze the trigger til it clicks.
Kapish?
- Yes.
- I gotta get your fucking skinny no-good asses
upstairs to the seventh floor
before the real bad boys come out to play.
And let me tell you something about these guys,
they can smell a pussy from a mile away.
And you two, pardon me, are the biggest candy ass
pussies to ever walk God's green earth.
(sniffs)
Let's go.
(gunshots)
- Oh, I bet there's other office supplies on other floors.
- Nice.
(gunshots)
- Pa, pa purge purge purge.
Purge is the wordge.
- Hi it's Zac from College Humor, thanks for watching.
You can click here to subscribe
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You can also screen shot me
and turn me into a meme
with one of the following poses.
(drum music)
Let me know how that goes.