*Achievement hunter intro music*
*Rage quit intro music*
Welcome back to another installment of rage quit.
This week I'm gonna be playing the steam game heavy bullets.
Uhhhh I don't think you actually get that many bullets in the game as
being depicted on the screen right now. So false advertising
This is the story pay attention to this part,
this is the story of the game, if you don't pay attention to this then you're not alright now you don't know what happens great.
Alright so this is the game level 1.
As it said in the corner there and then disappeared.
I believe there's 8 levels in this game
Uh we might see two, maybe.
Well I have no dollars so...
can just, hey give me the shit (bullet thuds)
(more bullet thuds)
Give me
(Sing song) Come back when you got some money buddy!!
So the basic premise of heavy bullets is that the bullets are in fact heavy
Oh shit!!!
So as you can see
They remain on the map and then I guess they magnetize toward you a little bit
Uh you only have 6 that's it
Then you have to manually reload ever single bullet
So if you get into a fire fight and all your bullets are over there
Well then you better run your ass over there cause that's...
I guess that's it!
What's that give me the monies
I got three dollars now. I can't buy shit with three dollars!
Oh! I got 6 dollars never mind
I'm fucking stupid, I'm rich as shit!
How do I open this?
Oh shit!
Ok this is like a doom, a doom engine here
Fuck off bitch, so far so good in level one.
Level one ain't got shit on me
Whoa! Oh fuck! Was that a snake? Holy crap it was
Holy crap bullets, oh wait can you buy more bullets? Can you hold more than six?
Let's see if I just
Undo what I just said
So don't listen to anything I just said
You can total have more than six bullets
Now I have eight
How do you like me know mom!
How do you like me now!
I got the eight bullets!
Oh. Oh god! bit, bit, bit
What's this? Can I get this? Can I shoot it?
*mumbles* Antidote. The fuck? It's like a blue herb or
This dude... Let me tell ya this dude he moves fucking fast or lady. What the fuck was that?
Aw shit!
I just used the potion
Don't hit the X button
Ah when you don't need to
Fuck, go left
How do I go left
Ya that's the way I came how the fuck do I get in there?!
Where's the fucking key card?!
What the fuck is that? Oh shit! Is it shooting at me? Yes it is
Fuck you
Ow!
Wait no it didn't hit me
Go to hell! What the fuck are you?! God damn it there are snakes every where
Show your self you fuck
Ah shit! Oh great
Well I'm glad I already fucking used the potion
Son of a bitch
I don't know if these things are gonna hurt me I'm scared. I'm, I'm just gonna keep moving fuck it
Oh I got another bullet, is there a bullet around, there they are. Get the fucking bullet!
Oh shit, oh shit this game. Oh it's starting to kick off, it is starting to kick off already.
Do I like shoot the? There we go
Fuck youuuu!
Ok so I can buy a red potion, I assume that's like a health thing
Also not poisoned anymore
So I guess like with most poison, just walk it off
Oh what's a backpack? I'm gonna buy a backpack
Backpack equipped press the Y button. That's what it said, don't worry
*Zipping sound*
What does that mean? * zipping sound*
*zipping sound* Hear that sound? *zipping sound*
That's the backpack sound* zipping sound*
What the fuck does that mean?
So I didn't find the fucking key card. Where the key card at? What is this shit?
Banking?
What the fuck is banking?
Oh shit you can put money in it? Last will, discount, life insurance. Like what does any of this mean?
Can I buy a discount?
*computer beeps*
Oh look at that!
*computer beeps*
Now this shits cheaper. You get it?
*Computer beeps*
OH SHIT!!
Well!
Oops!
I hope the discount wasn't just good on that one
Right so I forgot to mention B button that's fucking bomb
Don't stand where the bomb is
As the poor vending machine found out
Ok I don't know what that means
Oh! I'm at level 2 that's what that means
Right I knew that
Level two looks...
oddly like level one
Maybe it'll be different
Whoa
Oh
Some noises
God
It's never not startling
The thing is just BAM! it's in your face hole
Sucking on you
Oh thank god the fucking things still up there
*Computer beeps*
Yep I don't know what anything does
But I guess we'll figure it out as we go
What?!
What was that?
Electronic jump sound
Jesus Christ!
*Sighs*
Oh! Oh! Oh! God! Oh! I'm poisoned. I'm poisoned
Where is he?!
Are they all snakes?
Or like these are snakes? What the fuck are the other things?
Goobers?!
I'm gonna call them goobers because that's what they look like?
I'm poisoned again hopefully that wears off
Alright it wore off great
How convient
Oh crap
Oh running shoes?! Give me that
Holy shit, look at that!
Passive affect, does that just make me faster?
Fuck look at me?
Look at me run!
I'm Usain Bolt!
Look mom!
I'm Usain Bolt!!
I'm gonna get the gold!!!
I keep passing by the fucking store
This this is a game about
Buying and selling items
This is training to be a cashier
You actually have to play this game first
and then congratulations...
you work in aisle nine now.
God
I don't know how I haven't gotten hit yet? I just keep walking into these fucking snakes.
There's all these nooks
There's just nooks everywhere with nothing in um
What's that?
That's a tree
I thought it was bananas
But there's none there
Look another nook
Why?*angry*
This fucking back it's like every corner has a fucking back or a store or something
Enough!
I'm stuck inside a god damn mall
Oh shit
Exit again?
What?
Beat two levels
Look at us!
I mean fuck you look at me!
I'm great
I mean so is there a Pokemon in the tall grass or
Am I gonna get attack?
Oh
Right
This
Ah I can only carry one at a time?!
Fuck
Now I know what the backpacks for
Ready?
*zipping noise* Put it in the backpack
Just figured it out
I figured it all out!
God! AH! Fuck! I finally got got
My hubris finally got to me
Hasta la vista snake
Mother fucker!
Ow!
Holy shit!
Seriously?!
I killed like a hundred of those things without getting hit and they guy hit me like five times
Fuck!
Oh there's more!
Oh shit!
Oh shit
What is this shit?
Pick this shit up
Ore chunk
Well
I don't know what that's for so I guess I'll just use this
Got one fucking heart that's it?!
Jesus!
That sucks!
Um
Life insurance? I don't know what...
Fuck it I spent $16 on it i don't know what did
Oh shit do I have two key cards now?!
When the fuck did I get those?
Oh I bet I sell the ore chunk too!
That's. That's something you'd do
Sell
Eh!
Ya!
There we go. It's all coming together
I'm fucking amazing at this game
Pick up the fucking rocket stupid
There we go
Oh! Oh there's more, there's more
Reload
Fuck!
Hit the fucking thing!
God
Damn
Oh shit there's something behind me where is it where somethin
Holy!
Crap!
Alright so this is super not good
If I can find some health
That would be swell
oh my god
FUCK!
GOD DAMN IT!
That's ah
AH!
There's no fucking check point!! *increasing pitch*
Are you fucking serious?!
You fucking whore!
God damn it!
Well
*Sighs*
Guess I'll fucking start over
So I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume some of that last will and testament bullshit or
Some of that back bullshit
mean you can grab this shit again after you die
Did I really miss this ore chunk?
The first time I played this game
Which was eight seconds ago is what I'm referring to
I mean it was right there how did I not see that
Didn't I buy life insurance?
What the fuck did that even do?
It didn't do anything
I'm gonna buy the discount again, I don't care
Ah and then I'll buy the last will just because I don't know what it does
Maybe that mean... Oh!
mmm
What the fuck does that do?
What do you, what you do
Save money and items on death
Oh so I'm gonna fuck die
God damn it
Fuck you! Go fuck yourself
How?
Crap
There ya go
I fucking had to walk up to it and punch it
Holy shit, what is this?
What are you?
Homing bomb, homing bomb, homing bomb
Great!
Well!
UGH!!
Did I get that fucking backpack yet?
Got a backpack?
No backpack
St- store
Hello
Can I buy a fucking map from the store!
Christ!
How am I doing worse!
I'm on level one and I'm already down to one heart, I'm doing worse that than the fucking last run!
Alrigt
Just I'm I'm gonna die, I'm now poisoned with half a heart
Just
Just kill me
Just have the poison kill me
Ya I'l use that sure
One fucking heart
Alright
Now it's just like
Now there just doing it to piss me off!
You mother fucker!!
I was kinda hoping that would give me full health, it didn't
But that's ok still gave me one heart
I bough the fucking last will and I don't even have it anymore
I, I bought it for nothing
That was a
That was a poor decision with my finances
That's what that was
Every fucking time now!
BAH!!!
Ah crap!
God damn it!
God! fucking damn it
I didn't get as far as I did last time I made it to level fucking two
No insurance
No inheritance
Nothing
I get aboslutley
nothing
what am I gonna do with my self
What am I gonna do with you Micheal
What the fuck is this shit
Just random shit everywhere
I got a scope
How the hell do i..
Alright
What am I gonna use this for
in this game
what the hell am I gonna use a scope for?
Is this really necessary?
This is he knife
This is the knife
Am I fucking playing dragon quest?
Really?
You're not gonna draw the fucking knife?!
Ya come here you fuck
You like that?
You like that you fucking green slime
Oh no a red slime
What the fuck was that
Fucking snakes
I'm tired of these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking floor!!!
I'm on level one now, I'm on level one
I made it to three, then to two, and now I'm on level fucking one!
I'm not sure but I think I may be missing health
Gold! Potion
Ok I guess that'
Carry plus? How's that different from a backpack?
Ah! God damn it! That's not what I wanted
*Sigh*
Maybe there's something in the rock
Can I blow up the rock?
Alright! Come on!
Mother fucker!! I thought there was a fuse!
I didn't think it would hit the god damn rock and fucking kill me!!
Fuck!
This is it I swear to god. Last fucking attempt
*Sighs* I've made less progress with each fucking attempt
I'm surprised I haven't been killed yet at this point!
What the fuck is this silver life
every time I find a store there' more shit and I don't know what it is
Where's the what the fuck are you button?!
Thought I was supposed to start with fucking money anyway I didn't start with anything
Where the fuck is the money I'm supposed to be starting with?
Is it in my bank?
Oh give me that shit
Give me all my money
I really have to pull it out in the correct fucking amount?
There ya go ya happy?
Are you fucking happy? Fuck you
I got scared by a fucking coin
That's that's what this game has done to me now
A coin was magically magnetizing toward me
and I got fucking scared by it
Ok got the potion
I got the backpack
I got two and a half hearts
I got two potions!
and I got nooks
You need nooks? I got em, nooks and crannies
I'm like a fucking English muffin over here
What is that?
Is that a horse shoe?
Coin magnet
Ok well put the fucking
Why couldn't, why couldn't you, why wouldn't you just automatically put it in the backpack!
Why you gotta throw it on the floor then make me pick it back up again?!
Now you're just being an asshole!
Alright I'm gonna use one potion
Right?
I got two, I used one, got two left, two and a half hearts not bad
Alright now we know what we're doing kind of sort of
Fuck the life insurance, I'm not gonna try again so I'm gonna save all my monies for shit that I'm usin
Coin magnet is alright to start, is there a fucking snake in there!
Ya I see you in there you little bitch
I'm on to you
OH! OH! Ah shit! There's shit inside me and behind me
Use the fucking thing!
Oh is there a spider?! Oh! Yep!
Yep!
Alright well all my potions are gone
Ah!
OH! GOD!
*panting nervously*
Oh great let me just buy some health, nope.
Is there another thing back here to buy health from?
Maybe near the beginning, this is the start of the level. Ok well
Oh wait no
This is the start of the level that has nothing for me
Shit, everything is terrifying right now
Everything is terrifying when you have half a heart
Fucking snakes
I'm gonna get killed by a snake I know it
I'm not craft...
Mother fucker!! I fuck!! GAHHHHHHH!
*Achievement hunter music*