rady dose presents 14 effective conflict
resolution techniques when we have a
difference of opinion with somebody we
often try to correct them to convince
them that our point of view is correct
and theirs is not after all we would
never hold a point of view we thought is
wrong yet we all know from experience
how difficult it is to get others to
admit to being wrong it is usually not
only futile it often leads to real
conflict thankfully there are a number
of effective conflict resolution
strategies so consider giving them a try
number one don't get defensive in any
conflict whether it's professional or
personal we all feel the urge to rush to
our defense you may find yourself
constantly trying to correct the other
person's position with but nevertheless
however in defense of your own position
before they are even finished explaining
their opinion try turning the situation
around how do you feel when another
person is constantly contradicting you
and seems unwilling to consider your
opinion take a moment and really try to
see things their way they have reasons
for their point of view just as you do
for yours this doesn't mean that you
have to accept their position but if you
let them know you are taking them
seriously you can avoid things getting
personal
try using phrases such as I understand
what you mean and that's a valid point
signal that you respect their opinion
even if you don't agree number two avoid
the blame game when you feel under
attack and go on the offensive even
calling the other person's character or
intelligence into question you cannot
really win all you've done is made an
enemy avoid blaming others instead
establish an atmosphere of respect one
in which everyone can safely express
themselves let others state and explain
their points of view without launching
an attack
number three listen actively perhaps the
greatest way to resolve a conflict is by
really listening you want to express
yourself so let others express
themselves instead of listening just to
discover flaws in formulating
counter-arguments while they are
speaking listen to what they have to say
you may discover that you didn't really
understand the point the other person
was actually making you may discover
common ground in any case they will
respect you for listening
number 4 begins statements with eye
when you begin statements with you it
sounds like you are pointing a finger at
the other person this actually betrays a
weakness on your part your opinion
should stand on its own merits not rely
on another person's flaws if you think
that the other person is not allowing
you to express yourself just let them
know how that affects you I feel like
I'm not being understood it's far less
confrontational then you aren't
listening
the first statement relates to yourself
the second one is directed at the other
person and destined to put them on the
defensive this can make a big difference
in a conversation these kinds of I
statements give the other person a
chance to pause and rethink their own
behavior it can lead to an atmosphere of
mutual respect number five tame your
emotions speaking in anger or
frustration is a bad strategy for
resolving conflicts when you're
emotional you're rational thinking shuts
down and you can't formulate an
acceptable outcome don't unload your
emotions on others wait until you calm
down so that you can discuss things in a
reasonable manner throw a tantrum if you
want but do it before you speak with
them when you are calm and rational you
can make your own points better and you
are open to different perspectives
number six
show that you can compromise depending
on the situation some approaches to
conflict management may be more
effective than others
sometimes simply being accommodating and
avoiding conflict is the best move
especially if you don't care much one
way or the other a competitive strategy
might be much more useful when you have
to come to some sort of decision and
need to assert yourself in most
conflicts however the only way to come
to some sort of resolution is through
compromise you have to come to some
acceptable agreement in order to move
forward show others that you don't
always have to insist on your own way
even if you still think you are right
others will appreciate you for putting a
solution before your own pride number
seven don't badmouth someone to others
unless you really need to you should not
spread around details of a conflict you
are having with someone you will only
make them feel betrayed and the only way
they can defend themselves is by
bad-mouthing you this does not make you
look good there are other ways to vent
anger or frustration than talking
someone down if you just have to do that
do it in front of a mirror write it down
or talk to someone who doesn't know who
you are talking about trust and respect
are essential for resolving conflicts
number eight don't take it personally we
tend to regard our opinions or actions
as a direct reflection of who we are so
we get defensive
however when someone disagrees with your
opinion or criticizes your performance
don't take it as an attack on you
personally someone might think your
opinion is flawed or your performance
can stand improvement but that does not
mean they think you are a terrible
person they may even have a point
realize that if you can distinguish
between what they are criticizing in
yourself as a person it will become much
easier to avoid personal conflict or
resolve differences in a way that is
acceptable to everyone concerned
number 9 pay close attention to
nonverbal communication dealing with
conflicts directly is not everyone's
forte some people prefer to be
accommodating or even avoid conflict
whenever possible they are uneasy with
conflict and would
rather say or do almost anything just to
spare themselves an unpleasant situation
this can lead to building emotional
pressure since they are not being honest
with you you may not be aware of this
until it comes to a head so don't just
take people at their word be aware of
nonverbal communication that betray
emotions such as body language facial
expressions eye contact and voice
tonality
i'mokay should not be very convincing if
they are sighing averting their eyes or
fidgeting if you learn to pay attention
to these cues you will sense when their
words do not match their feelings then
you can take steps to encourage them to
be more honest with you number 10
prioritize resolving the conflict over
being right you might think that someone
is being unfair to you or that something
just isn't right
maybe you regard yourself as the victim
of a compromise or perhaps of some
change of policy at work you can easily
get frustrated and emotional about it
usually the situation is not just about
you calm down and reassess things the
compromise or decision might have been
made for the sake of the common good yes
you may indeed be right but you should
consider whether you really want to
insist on your point of view at the cost
of the conflict and resentment it may
cause not every battle is worth fighting
number 11
know when to apologize and forgive
telling someone I'm sorry can be very
difficult this is especially true when
you feel like you have nothing to
apologize for
and if someone has hurt you in some way
but won't admit to the wrong you may get
so upset that you won't ever want to
forgive them yet you should consider
that resolving a conflict is often
preferable to maintaining your pride
people make mistakes and just like you
might have a problem admitting to them
if you can put aside your resentment and
forgive them you can make way for an
even better relationship with them
resentment is a bad investment of time
and energy number 12
focus on the present not the past when
you are in a conflict with someone it
can begin to get personal you may start
to remember other conflicts you had with
them in the past and get resentful you
might even bring them up in order to
attack them even though it may have
nothing to do with the issue at hand one
way to avoid this is to use a 48-hour
rule if someone does or says something
that bothers you bring it up with them
within 48 hours if you don't just let it
go
don't use past conflicts as a weapon
when you are engaged in a new conflict
the other person will resent you for
doing so and it will just make it harder
to come to a resolution number 13 use
humor when appropriate humor is a great
technique for dissolving tension it's
hard to be upset when you're laughing
right but you must be careful you should
avoid humor that could offend your
counterpart or makes fun of his or her
position or anything else that might be
sensitive to them be aware of the other
person's sense of humor some people can
take a joke but others can't use humor
only as a way to break the tension and
focus at least temporarily on something
other than the subject of conflict
self-deprecating humor poking fun at
yourself is one method for achieving
this a well-timed humorous remark might
be all that is needed to calm emotions
and make all involved parties more
receptive to a practical resolution
number 14 remember the importance of the
relationship at a given moment the topic
of contention might seem to be extremely
important conflicts however arise
constantly and are almost always
temporary in nature solutions are almost
always discovered remember relationships
usually last for good or ill insisting
on your point of view is rarely worth
the cost of losing a friend or worsening
any relationship after all conflicts
tend to fade but people usually stick
around
how will they regard you think about how
important the subject of discussion is
to you compared to the relationship you
have with
contender make sure you weigh the gains
of winning against what they can cost
maintaining good relationships will
better enable you to resolve future
conflicts what do you think how do you
deal with conflict do you use any of
these strategies share your thoughts and
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