IT HAS BEEN SO COLD AND WET HERE IN SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA, THIS NOT THE DEAL I MADE WHEN I MOVED HERE.
IT SNOWED IN MALIBU OVER THE WEEKEND.
PEOPLE WERE LIKE FROZEN SOLID IN THEIR YOGA POSES.
SNOW IN MALIBU.
I LIKE IT, IT SOUNDS LIKE A MILEY CYRUS RECORD.
ONE WOMAN IN MALIBU, DID YOU SEE ONE WOMAN IN MALIBU EVEN WENT
SLEDDING.
WHERE DO YOU-- WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET A SLED IN MALIBU?
DO YOU BUY ONE AND THEN JUST HOLD ON TO IT AND USE IT ONCE
EVERY 20 YEARS.
LIKE YOU ARE LAUGHING NOW BUT YOU'LL SEE.
DO YOU WANT TO LOOK AT SOME HEADLINES, OR JUST TALK ABOUT
THE SNOW, HEADLINES?
ABSOLUTE TRIUMPH.
>> BUT THEY FOG UP ALL THE TIME.
>> James: THEY FOG UP, ARE THEY REAL OR JUST FOR LIKE
GUILLERMO.
>> PURELY FOR WORKS.
>> James: WELL, IT IS WORKING, I TELL THAT YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> James: REG, IF YOU GOT SOMETHING UNDER YOUR EYE, NEW
GLASSES?
>> WHAT I HAVE GOT IS SOME NICE, THEY'RE NANO TECH EYE PATCHES
THAT ARE ABLE TO KIND OF BLEND WITH MY SKIN, SUPPOSED TO GIVE
YOU A BOOST.
>> James: OKAY, GET IT IS THE IDEA NOT TO USE THEM AND THEN
TAKE THEM OFF WHEN THE SHOW STARTS.
>> OFTENTIMES BUT THEY FEEL LIKE THEY'RE NOT EVEN ON ANY MORE SO
I WILL FORGET.
(LAUGHTER) SOMETIMES.
>> James: I DO THOSES EVERY NIGHT, I PUT SOME OF THOSE ON, I
DO ZEN AND I DO, HAVE YOU SEEN THE INFRARED MASKS, I DO THAT.
>> WHOA, THAT'S COOL.
>> James: YEAH, BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY 63.
SO NO ONE KNOWS.
63.
BECAUSE I'M HOPING, I'M HOPEFUL THAT THIS IS THE YEAR I LOSE
SOME WEIGHT.
AND MY WORRY IS IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME, I WILL LOSE WEIGHT
AND SUDDENLY I WILL LOOK 46.
YOU KNOW, I CAN GET AWAY, NO ONE KNOWS, I COULD BE 36, YOU DON'T
KNOW.
>> BABYFACE.
>> James: EXACTLY BUT WHEN THE FAT GOES, I'M LIKE--'S AGE.
HE LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT BUT UNHERE HE'S LIKE MITCH
McCONNELL.
DID YOU SEE THIS, THE COMPANY THAT MAKES DOMINION VOTING
MACHINES IS SUING RUDY GIULIANI OVER ALL OF THE FALSE ELECTION
CLAIMS THAT HE MADE.
AND THEY'RE ASKING FOR $1.3 BILLION.
YEAH.
AND IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.
THE LAWYER DEFENDING RUDY GIULIANI IS RUDY GIULIANI.
RUDY'S LIES ON BEHALF OF DONALD TRUMP COULD COST HIM MORE THAN A
BILLION DOLLARS.
BUT HEY, AT LEAST HE'LL ALWAYS HAVE HIG DIGNITY.
1.3-- YOU KNOW WHAT RUDY GIULIANI COULD HAVE BOUGHT WITH
1.3 BILLION DOLLARS?
>> WOW, ALL THE NETWORKS!
>> James: PROBABLY TIME TO GET RID OF THAT BUTTON NOW, ISN'T
IT, I IMAGINE.
IT WAS AN OBSCURE REFERENCE EVEN BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
I THINK WE NEED TO UPDATE, WHAT SHOULD WE REPLACE THAT BUTTON
WITH, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
WHAT SHOULD WE PUT IN THERE.
WE HAVE LARGE, WHICH IS THIS.
(APPLAUSE) I THINK THAT IS A KEEPER, WE
KEEP THAT THROUGHOUT.
THEN WE'VE GOT THIS.
OOOOHHH.
THAT IS ONE OF OUR MANY POLITICAL TAKEOUTS.
REVERBERATE ACROSS D.C..
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
AND WE DO.
WHEN WE LAY OUT A ZINGER YOU CAN FEEL IT.
AND THEN IT'S TWO IN THE MIDDLE.
BECAUSE WE HAVE ALL THE NETWORKS AND WE'VE ALSO STILL GO.
>> DA VINCI?
WHICH AGAIN, YOU CAN KEEP T I THINK IT'S DEAD NOW, I THINK
IT'S TOASES.
I THINK IT'S TOAST.
>> DA VINCI OR ALL THE NETWORKS.
>> James: BOTH, I THINK WE ARE LOOKING AT TWO REPLACEMENTS.
>> WHAT ABOUT KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE.
>> James: NOW THEY HAVE DONE, THEY ARE TOAST, THEY ARE PEOPLE,
LET'S MOVE ON.
>> I HEAR YOU.
>> James: WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT.
(HORSE NEYING).
>> THAT'S USEFUL.
>> James: WHY HAVE YOU GOT THIS?
WHY DO YOU-- -- WHY HAVE YOU GOT THOSE SOUNDS?
YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL DRUMMER.
WITHIN I JUST HAVE A FEW TRICKS UP MY SLEEVE.
>> James: SURE, I LIKE THAT.
YOU KEEP YOUR TRICKS AND DON'T COME CLOSE TO MY TRICKS.
WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
STEVE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT, GO TO BED, GO TO BED.
HONESTLY, YOU WON'T FIND ANY OTHER-- DO YOURSELF A FAVOR,
RIGHT.
PLEASE, IT'S THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF.
UNLESS YOU JUST [BLEEP] LOVE HOLDING SO MUCH, GIVE YOURSELF A
BREAK, TRY AND GET A SOLID SEVEN OR EIGHT HOURS, YOU KNOW, THAT'S
THE LEVEL.
JUST LET YOURSELF, JUST THINK TAKE A MEL TONEI-- MELATONIN, DO
WHATEVER YOU HAVE GOT TO DO.
THIS IS A WASTE OF YOUR TIME.
(LAUGHTER) OKAY.
NOW THIS EVENING HOUSE MANAGERS CARRIED THE ARTICLES OF
IMPEACHMENT AGAINST DONALD TRUMP OVER TO THE SENATE FOR TRIAL.
HERE THEY ARE HERE.
LOOK AT THAT.
WHO KNEW THAT A PHOTO OF SOMETHING SO EXCITING COULD BE
SO BORING?
I KNOW THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A HUGE DEAL AND THERE IS A LOT OF
TRADITION AND CEREMONY BUT I SAW THE PHOTO AND I HON-- HONESTLY
CAN'T THEY JUST X OVER A-- CONVICTION IN THE SENATE IS
STARTING TO LOOK UNLIKE, MORE AND MORE REPUBLICAN SENATORS
SEEM TO BE RALLYING AROUND THE DEFENSE THAT CONVICTION IS
UNDUB-- UNNECESSARY BECAUSE TRUMP IS ALREADY OUT OF OFFICE.
I MEAN SURE, HIS SUPPORTERS WERE LOOKING FOR SOME OF YOU WITH
TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS BUT COME ON, THAT WAS LIKE THREE WEEKS
AGO.
REPUBLICANS SAY THE REASON WHY THERE HAVE BEEN NINE NIGHTMARE
O ELM STREET MOVIES.
SO HE IS GONE NOW, THAT WAS AGES AGO, LET'S GET BACK TO THE
SLUMBER PARTY, SHALL WE?
(LAUGHTER) I LOVE THEM GOING NO, NO, HE'S
NOT IN OFFICE ANY MORE, SO WE DON'T NEED TO CON VUCT HIM.
LIKE SOMEONE BURNING DOWN YOUR HOUSE, WE SHOULD FIND THE PERSON
WHO DID THIS, THE HOUSE IS GONE NEW, LET IT GO.
LET'S FOCUS, LET'S FOCUS ON BUILDING A NEW HOUSE.
OF COURSE YOU OUR U.K. VIEWER NOSE TONIGHT IS BURNS NIGHT, THE
SCOTTISH SELL BRITISH OF ROBERT BURNS POET, IN HONOR THIS IS
TRUE A PACKET OF HAGGIS WAS LAUNCHED INTO SPACE.
DON'T BELIEVE ME, HAVE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF.
LOOK AT THAT.
I'M NOT SURE I FOLLOW THE THINKING HERE.
HOW SHOULD WE CELEBRATE THE LIFE OF A BELOVED 18th CENTURY
POET.
SPACE HAGGIS?
TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH.
LET'S DO IT.
IMAGINE BEING IN A SCOTTISH MISSION CONTROL, OKAY, WE'RE
READY TO LAUNCH.
RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
TEN, NINE, DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU FAT BASTAR.
>> EIGHT, SEVEN.
>> I WILL FINISH THIS WITH FIST, IL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW SIX, FIVE,
[BLEEP] LET'S GO.
(LAUGHTER) DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS, A TRUCK
IN SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS, CARRYING MILLIONS OF HONEYBEES FLIPPED
OVER ON THE INTERSTATE CAUSING LENGTHY DELAYS.
THE HUGE STORY AROUND SAN ANTONIO.
THE WHOLE TOWN WAS BUZZING.
YOU GLAD YOU STAYED UP NOW, AREN'T YOU.
(LAUGHTER) HOW DID YOU GET A MILLION BEES
IN A TRUCK.
NOT A QUICK QUESTION, THIS IS A GENUINE QUESTION.
>> Reggie: YOU JUST HAVE TO OFFER SOMETHING THAT IS
INTERESTING FOR THEM TO GO ON A TRIP.
>> James: OH, YOU-- REALLY.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: I COULD SEE YOU AS A BEEKEEPER.
>> I LIKE THE FASHION, YEAH, I WOULD LIKE THE FASHION, I DON'T
KNOW-- YEAH, I LIKE THE FASHION.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN STUNNING BY A BEE.
>> James: YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN STUNNING BY A BEE.
>> KNOCK ON WOOD.
>> James: ARE YOU PREPARED TO DO IT ON THE SHOW BECAUSE WE
DON'T HAVE AN ACT 2 ON WEDNESDAY.
>> Reggie: LET MAY THINK ABOUT THAT.
>> James: BRING IN THE BEES.
IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT IF I AM EVER DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD
THAT I MIGHT BE DRIVING NEXT TO A TRUCK FULL OF BEES.
>> Reggie: CRAZY.
>> James: IT MAKES THE WORLD A TEENY BIT MORE MAGICAL, DOESN'T
IT?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN DRIVING THINKING OH LOOK, A TRUCK.
YOU KNOW WHEN ARE YOU DRIVING OH, TRUCK, WHEN CAN I GET PAST T
NOW I WILL LOOK AT THAT, A MILLION BEES IN.
THERE HERE'S A CRAZY STORY OUT OF OKLAHOMA.
A STATE REPRESENTATIVE HAS INTRODUCED A BILL THAT WOULD
ESTABLISH A HUNTING SEASON, I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP, A HUNTING
SEASON FOR BIG FOOT.
IF IT PASSED AN OFFICIAL BIG FOOT HUNTING SEASON WOULD BE
CREATED COMPLETE WITH HUNTING FEES AND LICENSES, DO WE NEED A
LICENSE FOR THIS?
IF SOMEONE CAPTURES BIG FOOT F THEY DO T IF THEY CAPTURE BIG
FOOT ARE WE GOING TO BE LIKE WHAT, YOU DIDN'T, OH MY GOD,
THIS IS AMAZING.
WOW, YOU JUST, OH, DON'T WANT TO BE A STICK LETTER, DO YOU HAVE A
LICENSE.
THE OKLAHOMA LEGISLATURE WILL NOW VOTE ON THE MEASURE, SO FAR
ONLY ONE STATE REPRESENTATIVE IS ON RECORD AS VOTING NO.
STILL IT IS BETTER THAN MITCH McCONNELL.