Scene 1A take one marker. What is good everyone it's your boy Motoki.
Okay. Nope, that's still cringy. It's been over six months now. I th- yeah, wo-
Whoaa, I may be the worst youtuber ever. Oh
Yes, please thank you. First off. I'm sorry, but also like not really. Look it's been a hot minute
Okay, and I'm just gonna be real with you guys. No bullshit. No filter. This is gonna be genuine shit. We're talking authentic
There's a lot that I want to say about why I quit making YouTube videos
But before we do that, we need to start from the very beginning
For as long as I can remember, I've been obsessed with making videos
i didn't really understand back then of course, but something about capturing moments is just really exciting to me.
How dope is it that you can record a moment in time and you'll just be able to watch it forever. When I was younger
My brother, sister and I would make all sorts of weird skits
None of it makes any sense to me now, but clearly we had a lot of fun. When I was around 10 years old,
I found this website called YouTube
You guys might have heard of it. I don't know. It's real underground.
I loved YouTube and I remember watching that numa numa
Dancing guy video like for months and I lip synched and danced with that shit all day.
It's funny cuz I kind of hated myself for becoming that car ride lip sync video guy, but I've been lip-syncing for years, baby.
I get a lot of shit from people saying that I act so extra and uehh
But okay, I- fuck you. All right, I like expressing myself. I'm sorry that was more for me than anything
Anyways, I loved Youtube,
But I didn't have an account because he had to be 13 and I was 10 and I wasn't gonna lie if I'm being completely
Honest, I thought that if I lie, the police would like find out and put me in jail or something
Yeah, I don't know. I was a good kid, okay? That didn't stop me from making videos though in that same year,
I created what I considered to be
my first film. It was called you lie, you fly and it is a DVD. Do you remember those?
I took my sister's shitty camera got some of my friends together and we made like this
Really stupid skit. I played the role of a flight attendant and I would throw people off board for
Sneezing and it was all filmed in my back yard. It looks like he was filmed on a banana.
None of it really makes any sense. It just- you know, it doesn't rip (speechless moment)
don't worry about it. I know it's cute that it's like my first film and all but this video
Garbage. Well, like of course, I didn't give a shit. Okay, like it was so much fun to make oh my god
It was so much fun
Also, fun fact that you didn't ask for this is the video where I started my dancing outros, and I still do that
That's hot that's fucking that's cute, right? Time went on, and I would film this random stuff super cringe to look back on now.
I would record myself traveling, doing weird impressions, and even reviewing a Japanese drink at one point
I would film anything and I mean anything you know, I mean, okay now let's not go there also
I feel like I need to share this this sign
It says hentai ughh, haha,
Comedy gold right here baby, as highschool ruled around,
I started posting on YouTube the videos that I would make for Spanish class or English projects that I had and honestly
I mean, they weren't terrible, you know, they're kind of cute in their own little way
I remember I made a 40-minute horror short film because like why not, you know, like I didn't even post it anywhere, you know
I just made it because it was fun
That's all that mattered. And then around like the end of high school, I started posting videos
Unrelated to school on to YouTube and people started watching them. I think within a year or two. I had a hundred thousand subscribers
Or something crazy like that. I wasn't getting laid, so that was like the most exciting thing I ever had going on
It was so weird. Cause like my skits and like
relationship type videos would get hundreds of thousands of views and like it didn't make any sense to me, which I mean this it's the
best problem to have but I remember feeling a lot of pressure and feeling like I needed to make good videos and
Make everyone happy for some reason. I would try to keep my view counts as high as possible
Because if they didn't get as many views as I thought they would, you know
I would internalize that and feel like shit. At this point, I had just mad anxiety.
I stopped like wanting to make videos and one day
I was just so over being stressed out that I was just like fuck it
I'm gonna start a new YouTube channel. This way, I could just post whatever I wanted
I had literally zero subscribers and that channel is this channel
So if you're wondering why it's called MoreToki and not my name, Motoki, it's because it's it's more of me
I know really really smart wordplay and with this channel I started in love with making videos again
I know this is corny. Just fucking bear with me
Okay, long story short life is weird
And this channel ended up becoming bigger than my first channel. Time went on, more and more people started watching my videos,
While i, on the other hand, started posting less and less because that whole stressing out over making videos thing?
Well, it came back
And before I continue on I just want to say, hopefully none of this comes off as if I'm like ungrateful
I'm so thankful for all of you. And I literally owe you like everything. With that being said, uhh
I just don't know how to um handle it, you know, it's weird because it's like a dream to have people watch you, you know
Nobody ever says anything about um the stress or the uh anxiety that comes with it. Why am i fucking crying? Um
Cool, this is great thumbnail
it's weird because as this, you know social media person, you're kind of expected to have this like
happy-go-lucky
Vibe and like act like nothing is ever wrong
Tell me why I look like a tourist dad who just like had his flight canceled. I think I'm good.
I know I don't seem like an insecure person, the truth is I am so insecure its crazy
You know online we always act like everything is perfectly fine. And it's just it's so unhealthy essentially all my stress and anxiety
Basically turned and spiraled into this really fun thing called depression
and it sucked because I had this like
existential crisis all of a sudden where I didn't understand what to do with my life anymore because all I ever wanted to do was
Make videos, but now that just stressed me out and it's not like I didn't try either. You know, I shot multiple videos,
it's just I always found some kind of excuse as to why I hate them or
a reason just not to post them and of course, I'm sure they're perfectly fine, you know, but I hate myself
These last couple of months,
I took a break from social media and at the end of the day,
I realized I still like to create and of course even though it's easier said than done
I just need to stop giving a fuck. My videos don't always have to be funny or have some crazy good production value,
I just need to have fun making it.
Okay, so this is kind of selfish but this video is also for future me in case I inevitably start hating my videos again
Hey, what's up, if you're watching this?
Stop that shit. You know you fucking whore. Life is short, bro. You could have a brain aneurysm
literally any second you could die. Okay, that's crazy to think about
But like don't think about it too hard, cuz you might have one. I'm coming back to YouTube, baby.
Ready or not. I have a podcast coming out. I'm gonna be acting on more shows and shit. I'm feeling good, motherfuckers.
I'm not exactly there yet, but we're getting there. Thank you for sticking around,
I mean you're still here. That's (speechless moment) you- you're crazy
You know that? If you have a second, maybe you can leave me a comment telling me why you watch my videos
I know that sounds like I'm fishing for compliments and you'd be right.
I thought it would be nice to know why you do. Anyways, thanks again for watching. I'll see you next
Motoki yearly. I promise I'll be better, alright next time
uhh five months.