- Hi guys, welcome back to my channel.
Today I'm going to share with you a few top tips
on how to be a calm parent.
Lots of you loved my video on how to be an organized mum,
so I thought I would share with you a few tips
on how to be calm 'cause I get loads of messages
saying how are you so calm, how do you seem so happy,
how are you always smiling?
And I actually went out the other night
with my friend Katy and she was like, I love your videos
but I would love to see you on a bad day (laughing)
and trust me, I have them.
I struggle just like every other mum.
If anyone says they don't, they're lying.
We all have a hard time, especially when you're sleep
deprived, it can be really, really hard, but there are
a few things that I do and I've written all of my tips down
to stay calm and collected hopefully, most of the time.
I think I am quite a calm person, but just to give you
a bit of background as to why I think I am
quite a happy person in my situation
is because I am a product of my past experiences
like we all are.
So growing up, we really did not have very much.
My mum was a really young mum.
She had my sister when she was 18 years old,
she had me when she was just 20 and she was a single mum
for a lot of the time.
She never finished high school,
so she had to do night school and she was always
trying to build up her career, so we were in daycare
and with grandparents a lot of the time
and my mum, quite rightly, believed that it was best
to have the worst house in a good neighborhood
than the best house in a bad neighborhood,
if you see what I mean.
So we were like, the poor kids and this is not me
trying to win X Factor or anything, this is just fact.
We just really did not have very much,
but we were pretty happy.
I shared a room with my sister
till I was 11, we didn't have loads of presents, or clothes,
or things that my kids have nowadays.
My mum used to make our clothes
out of horrendous leopard print material
that she would find or buy
and oh, it was just awful.
She used to cut our own hair, we used to have winter
boots with so many holes in them, we used to have to,
I used to have to put on a sock and then a plastic bag,
and then another sock, and then put my foot
in the winter boot that was covered in holes
because it was so cold and it was Canada
and it was just like, there was loads of bad things.
So for me, that is my benchmark of parenthood.
So as sooN as I became a mum,
I was already doing really well because there's two parents
and we've both got jobs, we've got a house that we own,
so straightaway, I feel like I've been winning at life
(laughing) so that is my background and I think
that's why I'm so content because things
all really good, things are so much better
than my past experiences.
Yeah, so that's the first thing that I wanted to say
and some days when we have a bad day, I literally
benchmark our day on are we all still alive?
Yes, okay, the day has been a resounding success,
so you guys should do that as well.
If you have a really bad day, are you all alive and well?
Yes, we're doing good.
Now to the other tips that I really hope will help you.
The first one is to simplify things.
Over scheduling is a recipe for disaster and I was terrible
for this with my first son.
We had a play group and a club to go to almost every day.
I would urge you to look at your week,
think about what's working, and change things
if they're not working and think about why
you're even doing it.
There were clubs that I would sign Fraser up for
and pay for the whole term and then after a few weeks,
he would not want to go of he would go kicking
and screaming and at one point, I was just like
well, if you don't want to go, I don't want to go.
And sometimes you just have to cancel things.
Now he just has two clubs a week.
He has one during the weekday after school
and he has football on a Saturday as well,
and that is it.
The next tip is one that I feel like I've said
a lot of my channel before,
but that is lower your standards.
No one has ever died from having a messy house.
I know on my channel and in my blogs,
you may think that my house is clean all the time.
You are wrong (laughing).
It is not.
As mums, we have to prioritize.
We are fighting fires and we can only do what we can do
and is it, so do not put pressure on yourself.
We all need to care a little bit less
about what other people think.
My next tip is to create routines.
Now if you follow my channel for a while,
you will know that I love routines and I will link
some down below for inspiration, but one,
I love routines because I feel like they hold
off meltdowns because they have been fed at a time
when I know they're hungry, they're always to bed
at a good time and they've always like,
their needs are met is what I'm trying to say,
so I love them for that reason, but I also love
routines because they make me feel very confident
in my decisions.
So when my three-year-old refuses to get in the bath
one night, I'm like no, we have a bath every night
at six o'clock.
You're getting in the bath.
And I can feel that confident with like, no,
this is how it is in this house.
My next tip sounds like a simple one,
but it's probably one that we all don't do enough
and that is to breathe.
I practiced hypo-birthing with all of my births
and had a really good experience
and obviously I learned a lot about breathing in that,
but if it's getting tough and you need some time out,
literally walk away from your children as long
as they're safe and count to 10 and breathe.
And I don't mean just breathe, I mean breathe
from like, your belly like breathe.
It makes such a difference and always choose grace
over anger and never punish your children
when you're angry, and if you do those things,
you will always seem calm.
My next tip is don't lose yourself.
Make me time, and I'm actually saying that
but I'm also not very good at this, but my me time
is my channel.
I vlog because it is a passion of mine
and it is a hobby of mine, and when the kids go to bed
and I'm not mummy anymore, I can make some time
for my channel and something that I love.
It's not my husband's, it's not my kids', it's mine,
so whatever your thing is, if it's going to the gym,
if it's doing yoga, if it's getting out with the girls,
make time for it and do not feel guilty.
My next tip is don't keep up with the Jones's.
Do not get competitive with mums,
do not feel like you need to have the latest buggy
and the latest whatever, even if you see it
on my channel or anything.
You'll see in my latest How to Entertain a Baby video
that all babies really need is like, pots and pans
and cups and things around the house to play with.
Sometimes they favor that over toys.
Babies and children actually need very little
apart from love and I know that sounds really cliche,
but when we had Fraser, we were in a one-bedroom flat
with a smart car, I had a secondhand buggy
that was just given to me, I had hand-me-down clothes.
We had very little.
Things are obviously better now, so we have more stuff,
but you don't need it and you don't need to keep up
with the Jones's, and another massive point
on this point is hang out with people
that make you feel good.
Stop going to that baby group where the mums
are really competitive and you walk away
feeling bad about yourself.
I used to go to those kind of baby groups
where, or hang out with friends that had opinions
on my breastfeeding, or had opinions on,
I'm actually quite a soft parent, so they have opinions
that I should maybe discipline my kids more
or I was creating a rod for my own back
for letting Fraser sleep in our bed.
Well, you know what?
He's six, he still sleeps in our bed.
So don't hang out with those people.
I don't know why mums do it.
Don't be a horrible mum.
Just hang out with your real friends that just understand
that you need to choose your battles to be sane.
I think I'm getting a little bit off topic now,
but basically what I'm saying is hang out with people
that make you feel good and you will feel less stressed.
My next tip is think about when your most stressful
times of the day are and try and find solutions for them.
So I think for a lot of mums,
dinnertime an the hours after dinner leading to bath time
are quite a stressful time, so it might be worth you
meal planning, or using your slow cooker, or really thinking
about that dinner to make it easier for you.
Just think about how you can solve your most stressful
times of the day, and then you'll feel more in control
and more calm as a result.
My next tip might be a little bit more controversial,
but have quiet time.
So in our house, Jackson has his morning nap
between 9:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m.,
so in our house at that time, you're allowed
to have your iPad because mummy needs to get ready,
mummy needs to tidy up.
I just need to get everything set for our day
and because I have that hour of quiet and I just feel
ready for the day after that, Jackson wakes up,
we're out the door, we're ready to go.
It makes such a massive difference.
Don't feel guilty for having a little bit of screen time.
I know so many people have really big opinions on it,
but when I was growing up, I clearly remember waking up
with my sister when I was five, she was seven,
we'd go downstairs, my mum would have left the cereal out
so we could do it ourselves and my mum would have left
the remote control out and you know like, a VHS
in the machine?
So all my sister had to do was turn it on and push
the thing in and we'd watch a movie for an hour or two
while my mum slept in.
So times haven't changed, we're just not using the TV
anymore, we're using an iPad.
There are lots of measures you can take
like YouTube Kids app and limits you can set on things,
so as long as you're careful, I don't see any problem
in having my quiet time.
My next tip is when times get tough, head outside,
especially with my boys.
When things are getting a little bit heated
or people stop sharing and it gets a little bit stressful
in the house, I'm like right, shoes on,
we're going to the park, we're going to the soft play,
we're going out because I find it so much easier
to get them out.
I don't know if that's just me or, let me know
if you feel the same, but I just feel like sometimes
parenting is a lot easier out of the house.
My next tip is to be positive and have a sense of humor.
There are lots of situations in motherhood
when you could cry, but you just have to laugh instead.
It's the only way that's gonna get you through it.
So try and have a sense of humor,
try and laugh at every situation.
If you've been pooed on, you've been sicked on
or anything, just try and laugh about it first.
Try and be positive.
If the kids are getting restless, let's have a dance party,
let's get the glow sticks out, let's have a little rave.
One question we like to ask the boys at the end of the day
is what was the best part of your day?
What was the favorite thing you did today?
Like, to end it on a really happy, positive note.
And my last tip is just know that children
will push boundaries.
It's not anything you're doing, it's not anything
they're doing, it's just human nature.
They bush the boundaries so that they can then feel secure.
So by having boundaries, you're actually helping your child
and making them feel more secure and sometimes
when I'm trying to tell my child they're not allowed
to do something or they have to share or something,
sometimes I'm like, I'm actually doing this for you.
I am doing this so that you are a nice person
when you grow up so you do share and you know the rules
and all of that, so just know that children push boundaries.
It's just the way it is.
And finally, I wanted to leave you with a few other things
that are always in my head, and that is kill people
with kindness, and that may even be your children.
The days are long, but the years are short.
And no matter what happens, love is always
at the center of everything.
Okay, so that is it for this video.
I really hope you liked it.
I feel like I've rambled on and gone off
on loads of tangents, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway.
Let me know what you think in the comments
and give it a like if you liked it
and I will see you on my next one.
Bye, guys!