- My dating history
has pretty much been
me dating,
oh (bleep), I don't even know how to talk about this.
(calming music)
- I'm married, and we met when we were 12.
Prior to 12, I hadn't really dated much.
We did have a short break during college,
and so, I was dating around then
and just meeting new people.
I went to a prominently white school, and so,
that was a little hard.
It seemed like the non-black people
didn't wanna date black girls,
but then also, the black guys didn't wanna date black girls.
So I was caught in between a rock and a hard place.
- I think my dating life is a bit different from my friends
because I do have a pretty diverse friend group,
but I did notice, like especially in college,
like again, we'd go to frat parties,
and like I would get approached.
But it would be evident
that they would be approached way more,
or we'd be on dating apps.
And we'd be swiping the same amount,
but like they would get more responses than me.
And they would be like, "Oh, Ehis, why don't you date more?"
Or like this, that, and the third, and I'm like,
I want to date, but it seems as if like people see me,
and it's almost like they see my blackness
before they see me as a person.
- Men are generally scared of black women.
I think it's partially because
of there was like one point of view of a black women for,
or maybe just like a couple points of views of a black woman
in the media and on TV
and in the movies for a very long time.
I just feel like there's an intimidation factor,
especially if a black woman is educated,
or a black woman is a leader,
or a black woman is very business oriented.
Or maybe it's like fall back.
I've literally had guys tell me like,
"I feel like you're further along in your life
"and your career, and I need to catch up to that."
(upbeat, chill music)
- I 100 percent think that black women are seen differently
when it comes to dating.
I mean, black women are some of the strongest women
on this planet, and I feel like when it comes to dating,
that has to really go into dating.
People look at strength and be like,
"Oh, she's too loud, she's too outspoken,"
and no, that's just like being a black woman.
- I feel like there's a stigma on black women
where it's like, "They're loud or angry or obnoxious,
"and they like can't be free or take a joke
"or anything like that," and I was not that person.
But I felt like that was what was put on me.
It felt like I was a bit intimating for them
as compared to my other friends.
Like they would all go out to parties,
and they would be the first ones to get danced with,
even though they couldn't dance.
But, you know, like it just felt kinda like unfair.
- It's interesting 'cause I feel like when I was growing up,
the only perspective or voice that I was listening to
was society, and so, I felt like I had to feel undesirable
because society said I wasn't desirable
because of all those conventions.
And I feel like through time and educating myself
and all that stuff, I can recognize
that I'm not what society says we're supposed
to deem attractive, but that doesn't mean
that I don't feel good about myself
or that I don't find myself attractive.
(upbeat music)
- I think that I am the right type of black woman,
appearance wise, meaning I have a big butt pretty much,
and like a smaller waist, but I think
my skin color is the detriment to a lot of people.
Like I'll often hear, "I've never been interested
"in a dark skin girl before, you're the first dark skin girl
"I thought was pretty," whatever, whatever.
That's not fun, it's not cute things to hear.
- That's not a compliment because you're saying
like of the dark skins, who you deem ugly,
you're the prettiest of the ugly, which makes no sense.
Just call us beautiful women, which is what we are.
All black women are beautiful regardless of your shade.
- I want people to know that dating as a black woman
comes with a lot of things
that other people might not expect.
So black men might not realize how painful
or problematic their comments might be.
I don't wanna lump all black men together,
but the black men that say these types of things
might not realize how painful
or detrimental their comments might be, but they are.
White women might not realize exactly what black women
are going through, but we are going through these things
that's specific to being a black woman and dating
that white women aren't experiencing.
And I just want people to realize that it's different.
- Don't immediately see a black woman
and automatically assume that she's one type of way
because you don't know.
You don't know her so don't assume
because of what society has told you
or what you've seen on TV or what you've read in books
or what you see in a music video
that that's the kind of person she is
because you wouldn't do that for any other type of woman
so there's no reason why you should do it for black women.
- I want everyone watching to know
that black women are beautiful, and they are smart,
and they are fun, and they are cool and dope as hell.
And if they don't like you,
then that's their problem because you're a queen.
You should not have to feel lesser than
just because someone does not appreciate you.
Then, that's not the person for you.
- I think people need to be okay with being uncomfortable
by the truth of other peoples' experiences
because it's only through that discomfort
and that recognition and that willingness
to grapple with it.
I think for a lot of us,
it's about just being understood and being heard.
- It's also hard to be a black woman dating black men.
It's also hard to be a black woman dating white men.
It's hard to be a black woman.
(upbeat music)