Hey guys, welcome back thanks for joining me for another video. So this week I am
Super excited about this week's topic. I get a lot of messages from people
How do I get out of an emotionally abusive relationship? How do I end this relationship? I want to end it and
I'm stuck not knowing what to do, but I know I can't live with this person. So you're basically living two lives
You're you're knowing that this relationship needs to end, but you're stuck in this place of not being able to move forward
So this week I want to give you three steps
towards you leaving this emotionally abusive relationship or
Even a relationship with a narcissist which is emotionally abusive
but I want to give you these three things because these things have to be done in order for you to
Have the strength to really leave this person
and in order to also make sure that you yourself are in a good space for
What you're about to enter into whether that's a divorce or a breakup
So the first thing towards leaving an emotionally abusive relationship and this is probably the hardest thing
That you have to do is you have to decide to leave. So in this step deciding to leave is
More than you worrying about all of the things that could possibly happen in the future
You know, what is this gonna look like for the kids what's gonna happen to me? I need to get a job
I was financially dependent on my on my husband or my wife or my spouse. Maybe this person can change
Maybe they're not that bad. Look, they're being nice
And you know, I know that this is a cycle
But maybe this time it'll actually stick all of that goes away
And you stop focusing on the other person and you start looking at yourself
you have to stop putting so much fear into the future and start reflecting on the on your past and
When you reflect on your past you have to see who is this person that I'm in a relationship
With and you have to be able to take a hard hard look at yourself. You have to take a hard
Look at where are your wounds that are causing you to stay entangled in this abusive cycle?
You have to take a hard look at okay, what's important to me in a partner?
what are my values and am I honestly getting that from this person and that's where people
really can get tripped up sometimes is because they're projecting what they want onto this person when this person is
Not that person and a lot of the times they're not ever even going to be capable of being that person and facing that hard
reality and facing that truth is
really essential towards you
deciding to leave because when you decide to leave
You have accepted that this person is not going to change this situation is not going to change and the only person or a thing
That really has to change is me
I'll tell you this stuff is definitely not easy by any means and this is where
Learning how to love yourself learning how to parent yourself learning how to self-soothe
Through this turn transition that you're about to go into is really crucial
towards you maintaining your sanity towards you gaining the strength and the confidence and the
Self-worth and the self respect that you're gonna need to
Stick this through and say there's no going back after this and you already have it in you we all have it in us
It's just a matter of tapping into it. You know, it takes power to leave an abusive relationship
It takes strength. It takes confidence
It takes not having a fear, you know letting that fear of the unknown
Completely go and you deserve better than you're already getting and you have the ability to change your situation
It doesn't matter what life situation you have. It could be the worst situation
You could be completely financially dependent on someone, you know
You could have been with someone for 40 years and now you know, you're in your 60s or 70s and you're like well
This is just the end of my life and I have to ride it out. That is absolute nonsense
Absolute nonsense because you are not helpless in this situation and this is about you
This is about your life
this is about your happiness and something that I have always said for years whenever someone would come to me and
They would just assume. Okay, this is the life situation or I just don't have the strength to do this. No matter what it was
I always said do you know someone that has gone through something some - what you're in right now and most of the time everyone?
Says yes, whether it's you a celebrity or a friend or whatever. Someone else has always gone through a situation
It's probably not identical but it's very very similar to what you've gone through in life and they made it out
So if that person can make it out and have a great life or if Susie over here can be married to a wonderful
Husband and bob has a great wife who's loving and supportive
Why do those people get those opportunities or get those situations and you don't there really is no difference
The only difference is is that they made it happen for themselves
And that's why I say you're not
Helpless the second thing that you really have to do when you're getting ready to leave an emotionally abusive
Relationship or you really just want to is you have to constantly be working on yourself. So watching videos like this watching?
self-motivation watching things that encourage your self-love and you learn how to love yourself and you learn how to parent yourself and you learn how
To have that supportive dialogue you learn that you are enough you learn that you are worthy of an amazing
Marriage and relationship and that you didn't deserve this relationship and that you didn't deserve this abuse
But also taking responsibility for your part in the dynamic of this situation
But you had a lot of internal wounds and possibly still do that
You need to heal in order for you to get to that
Healthy place so you can really attract a great partner or the second step is be prepared for the backlash
You it's almost like you know
You have the big game on Friday night and you have been practicing and practicing
Or you have the big test and you've been studying and you've been doing all of this preparation?
for what is gonna entail and you know when people go to war they don't just go to war there is
months and hours and days and weeks of training that has to be done in order to
mentally prepare
Physically prepare it's really the same thing
you know deciding to leave and mentally preparing for this and
Physically preparing for what this is going to mean whether that's you know
Getting a job and moving out and money and all of those other things
this part being prepared for the backlash is
really about your mental toughness
this is about putting all of that stuff that you're learning about how to love yourself and how to parent yourself and
What's gonna happen?
When my spouse just becomes more abusive than I ever thought
he or she could possibly be because that could very well happen, you know oftentimes it gets worse before it'll ever get better and
This new you that you are becoming is is really preparing you for the person that you're gonna have to be
when you leave this relationship
So when you end this relationship with your partner and maybe number one, they're not expecting it whatsoever. Number two
They don't want you to go they like having control over you they like, you know
gaslighting you they like projecting and using guilt and
Manipulation on you and you have taken it for years and years. So they know that you're a good source of
Narcissistic supply or a good source of when I feel like crap
I'm going to just dump it all on you and you're gonna take it and then you're gonna feel like crap and I'm gonna feel
better
You're basically their emotional punching bag and have always been and now the tides are changing and you're becoming a different person
and they're not gonna like it if they don't already not like you which is maybe why you know
this relationship is really
starting to end is because you're starting to stand on your own two feet and having your own thoughts and opinions and
The other person doesn't like it
So preparing yourself for the backlash is really about how are you going to be able to self soothe yourself?
when you have this conversation with your partner and you're going through this breakup process or you're going through a divorce process, and they
Say the most hurtful things in the world because what they're ultimately doing is just projecting everything onto you
So you'll feel guilty and you'll take them back or you know?
You'll be manipulated and you'll come back into the relationship and start that abusive cycle all over again
So what are you gonna do when the person that you either still loved or loved?
that you were married to or had a long-term relationship with had children with
Trusted value there in tells you that you're a completely selfish human being and that
You're gonna ruin your family's life or you know
The kids are gonna always hate you and I can't believe you're doing this to me
and I mean
What are you gonna do when all of this stuff is being sent to you?
And if you're a good person, of course
You're gonna feel that inside you're gonna feel maybe that little bit of self doubt of like am I making the right decision?
Can I really try on this especially?
If you're still in love with with your partner, it is not an easy thing to do
But remember, it's a muscle and you're starting to work this muscle
And so you have to stay at it
You have to be able to learn how to parent yourself you have to be able to have that inner dialogue
you have to be able to recognize when someone's projecting and when they're trying to make you feel bad for your decision and
You have to be able to also
not have
or not try to have
rational discussions with your partner because nine times out of ten you're not dealing with a
logical rational person
So by you getting angry and trying to convince your partner your soon-to-be ex partner, you know
I can't believe you would say that to me
How can you not take?
responsibility for your part in this
Relationship and I never wanted this and this was all your doing because you do this this and this and you're abusive to me
That goes nowhere
Absolutely nowhere because if they recognized that they were abusive they would have changed by now
They would have seen that maybe not in their relationship with you
but maybe in a relationship with another person in their life that hey seeing things always seem to go wrong for
Me in certain areas of my life. They would be able to self-reflect to say okay. This actually isn't about everyone else
I'm the problem, but they're not able to do that
So to have rational conversations with them is really pointless. The next thing is
Really?
It's just necessary. You absolutely have to do it in order to end this relationship
You have to spend the time and chances are if you're watching this video you're ready to do this
But you have to spend the time the money the for the energy everything and invest in yourself
This is where your healing from everything that you've been through not just in this relationship
but really where those internal wounds actually started so whether that's
You go to therapy. What whether that's you hire a life coach
Whether that's you become obsessed and watch videos on YouTube because this is free information
And I know for me when I was going through my divorce
I lived on YouTube and half of the reason why I started my channel is because I wanted to get back
because I had learned so much from this channel and I realized just how
Amazing of an outlet it actually was because it is free
This is all free information that we're sharing with each other whether it's our own personal experiences and journey
So others don't feel like oh my god. I'm not the only one that's gone through this and I don't feel alone
And there's a ton of other people in the world that have been through the same experiences as me investing in yourself
You have to do it because if you don't you're going to repeat the same mistakes over and over again
And you might have a moment right now where you feel that strength you feel that confidence to leave this relationship, but really?
The investing in yourself is also preparing you for your future. So this is setting you up for
What is my future gonna look like, you know?
If you are ending a 25-year marriage a 30-year marriage and you are a housewife
what is this next part of your life gonna look like you're gonna need the confidence in the
Coaching and the therapy and the journaling and the working on yourself and reinventing yourself and getting to know
Yourself again, or maybe even for the first time in order to start that next chapter and this is all exciting stuff
This is not stuff to be scared of you know
We all have a fear of the unknown we all can get anxious at times or stressed about what could happen in the future
But the fact of the matter is the only thing you can worry about is in this moment
and as long as you're doing the stuff every day to get yourself to a better place healthier place your future will be amazing because
you are creating it that really
Is the bottom line and when I talk in my videos about taking responsibility for your life?
You know everything in life starts with you. That's what I'm referring to is
Yes this relationship
You played a part in it and you have to accept that but you also have to accept that now
You have the ability to wipe the slate clean and start fresh and that's an exciting
place to be the last thing and
This is huge in terms of your self-development in terms of investing yourself is you have to surround yourself with your tribe
you have to
For me when I was going through my divorce. I actually let go of a lot of people I let go of family members
I let go of dear friends that I had
You know that that had been my life for many many years and I did that because I knew that those relationships
Were they were they were dead they there was nothing left in those relationships that I felt like I was gaining
Anything positive from and that was a sad moment for me
but I realized that when I when I did that it opened up the space for
Really amazing people to come into my life
and I know personally I have a lot of clients right now that are not struggling in that area, but they're starting to
transition into that place of opening up
You know letting go of some old stop and opening up and allowing great opportunities to come their way
You can't have amazing relationships in your life if you're surrounding yourself with shitty people
That's that's that's just not gonna happen. So you need to surround yourself with the people that
Love you. Love you at your core know exactly who you are and love every bit of what makes you you
This is the time when you do the things that you enjoy doing
with the people that you love this is about surrounding yourself with the people that are gonna uplift you and
Motivate you and remind you of who you are when you forget or just be there for you and just listen, you know
half the time when we're going through these transitions, one of the biggest thing things that we need is just validation some
because we haven't learned how to give it to ourselves and
You have to trust that the people that you're surrounding yourself with have your best interest at heart
So, I hope that this video has not only given you some tips on you know what you can start doing
To really leave this abusive relationship
but I really hope that it motivated you inspired you you actually are getting
Excited about going to war right now or entering this
You know phase of life because what is on the other side of?
All of the work that you're doing right now is really what you've always wanted
It's your happiness. It's your peace. It's your great relationships. It's your amazing partner. It's a new business
it's whatever you want it to be so get excited even though a lot of this stuff is terrifying and there's a lot of
Transition that's going to happen
there's a lot of good that comes of this and you have the strength and the ability to
Absolutely get out of this relationship
So, I hope that this has helped you guys if you liked it. Please give it a thumbs up
Please leave any comments down below if you liked don't forget to hit subscribe, and I will see you next time