- Hey everyone.
It's Tuesday and you know what that means.
That means I'm on Tumblr.
So, for those of you who are aware of my schedule.
I keep a tight schedule.
You've used the hashtag KatiFAQ
and I've found your questions
and I'm gonna answer them,
but before I answer them, also I have a journal topic
so stay tuned 'til the end.
I wanted to talk 'cause we have
a lot of new people on my website,
on all of my different social media outlets.
Is that what you call them?
So, we have a lot of new people,
and I don't think I've done anything recently
where I've been able to tell you guys
kind of the rules and I hate to call it the rules
but our community is loving and supportive,
and we're there to help, and we're there to spread
positive awareness about recovery
and getting help and all that sort of thing.
And I haven't mentioned in a long time
kind of the rules of the website
and of any of my social media sites,
and mainly the rules I have, if you wanna.
And I actually posted something on my website
this morning so if you've gotten on
you've seen my post,
but I just wanna make everybody aware
of the fact that number one
when we post things on there,
please don't post numbers, you know,
to do with weight, height, amount that you did
of running or eating or whatever.
We have a no number zone,
and if it's worked into your blog,
and you need to use it, just put an X there
where the number would be.
Also, we just want to post positive information.
Not triggering, not hurtful.
I don't want anybody fighting on my website.
And so some of you may have noticed
that I may have removed some of your posts
and I may have edited some things out
before I approved it.
So, just keep that in mind,
and it's nothing against any of you,
and I'm not saying it's bad at all.
I just haven't told anybody what the rules
were in a long time,
and so I realized that we have new people
and nobody knows and I haven't said anything.
So, I'm sorry if you thought it was hurtful
that I removed some things,
but it's just in keeping with our community
and keeping it safe for everyone involved, okay?
I love you all.
Keep getting on, keep chatting away
and doing the things, but I do monitor it
and so if the rules are really hard for you to follow,
I may have to change some things.
So, let's just try to keep it happy and healthy, okay?
Without further ado, question number one.
How do you know what your triggers are
and how do you address them?
I thought this was a great question
'cause I talk about it a lot,
but I don't really talk about how you know.
So, I tell my clients, when we talk about
what triggers are at the very beginning,
and they're like, "I don't have any.
"I don't know what it is."
I always say when's the last time you cut
or when's the last time you acted on your eating disorder
whether it be binging, purging,
restricting or all of the above? Right?
What happened before?
What happened if it's not right before,
we' ll start pushing it out.
Like 12 hours before, okay the day before.
Okay, what happened?
And usually we can find a triggering event.
Now, that is how you do it.
So, we always have to calculate backwards.
Now, a lot of times it'll be easy.
It's like well I have an exam tomorrow.
No wonder I'm stressed.
Of course I acted out. Right?
Other times might be more difficult.
It's like well I guess, oh I did run into that guy
I used to date years ago, and he said that
he made a comment and I took it the wrong way
or he made a rude comment
so I hate him and it made me all
feel bad about myself.
So, just start doing it that way
and it'll be much easier to figure out
what your triggers are and then from there,
we can figure out what to do to help us
in the moment when that happens, okay?
And if any of you else have helpful tips.
I almost said hit the dit.
I'm not not even speaking English.
But if you have helpful tips, let us know below.
As always, we can share and learn. Right?
Okay, question number two.
Kati, I was wondering if you were abused as a kid once
and then repressed the memory of it,
would that trauma affect you in other ways as a child,
for example, having nightmares, wetting the bed,
fear where you actually shake
because you're so afraid and having imaginary friends?
Yes, it can affect a lot of things.
Wetting the bed is actually a huge,
as a therapist, it's one of those huge red flags,
where I'm like boop something has happened
to this child because we tend to,
when we get abused, we tend to revert back
and it's actually psychologically a way
our brain protects us.
It's like let's go back to a time
when people paid more attention to us
and things were safer and often times,
that means reverting back to before we were potty trained.
And people can wet the bed
and can feel like they have incontinence.
Some people will even poop themselves
or pee their pants, and so it's really embarrassing
for people, but know that if this is something
that's happened to you, it's not abnormal.
It's actually very common,
and as a therapist, we're supposed
to ask those questions and help you understand
so we can kind of get you back to where you are
in more of a healthy, happy way. Okay?
Another question was that having nightmares.
That's very common especially
if you've been abused because it's like a trauma response.
It's all part of kind of a PTSD,
and if you wanted to even Google it,
you'll see that all of these can be kind of
what they call side effects of having that happen.
What else was it?
Yeah, fear is very common especially
if the abuse was aggressive or painful and scary in any way.
We often don't feel safe a lot,
and many times I have patients who have
tons of locks on their doors even when they live
on their own or away from the person who was the abuser.
That's very common.
And imaginary friends.
Of course that's common because first of all,
people have it when they're children
because we're, you know, we have a very vivid imagination
which is something we sadly lose
when we become older, but imaginary friends
can be that friend or that person we can confide in
and we can talk to,
and a lot of kinds who have traumatic upbringings
whether it's abuse or many other things
they'll have that friend there
as kind of a help and support and way to get
through the tough times.
So, that's a very common, and if you haven't
got the Courage to Heal Workbook,
I would encourage you to pick that up.
Final question, and I thought
this was a good question.
I thought about answering it privately,
but then I was like, "Dude, everybody's asking
"this question, just answer it."
So the question is why stop self harming if it helps?
So, that's a great question.
Why stop self harming if it helps?
And then another person had asked,
can self harm cause any permanent damage?
Both kind of leading to the same question.
It can help, right?
It helps alleviate whatever's going on,
but does it really solve anything?
I guess that's my question to you.
Does self harm actually solve the problem?
Does it make the issue, the trigger go away?
Does it make you feel better long term?
Probably not.
It's kind of like with drugs and alcohol
when I have clients who struggle with that.
A lot of times, it's oh it numbs me out
for so ever long till I pass out or whatever
and then nothing, and then my problem's back.
I wake up and I'm still going through the same shit.
And so often times, I'll tell my clients
you don't have to stop.
I'm not telling you you have to stop,
but is this something you want to do
when you get married or have kids
or just when you're older?
Is it something you want to do in college
and you want to always have to try to sneak
and find time to do it and ways to hide it,
and how do you explain it?
If that's something you're fine with
then fine, we won't work on it.
And if the issues that caused it
aren't things that you want to get better,
we don't have to work on it.
I don't see anything in our life
as something that we have to get better in.
You have to stop
and I think that's why I talk about it being a process
and not perfection is because I want you
to be healthy and happy, and I don't believe
that those things that we're doing
those coping skills we're using
that are unhealthy, are actually leading us
to a happy, healthy life.
So, I guess that's just my answer.
And your thoughts, you can leave
your comments below, what your thoughts are
but I feel like that's fair.
I'm not force,
I don't feel like anybody has to be forced to stop
or you need to stop self harming
or using your eating disorder
or anxiety, depression, anything, but if you're not happy
and it's causing you a lot of grief and a lot of struggles
and whatever happened to make you want to use it
is still happening or still bugging you,
then you deserve better.
So, that's what we're working on
'cause we deserve better, and we can get it
and we can fight and we can win.
So, yeah those are my thoughts.
And as far as the permanent damage, not really
unless you A cut really deep and never
get any medical attention or B get a really bad infection
and I've had clients have both
and that can cause a lot of issues
so please, please, please, if you've cut deeply
and you're worried or something's not healing properly.
It keeps getting infected or pus is coming out of it
or anything, please go to the doctor.
Please, please, please, please, please
'cause it's really scary, okay?
And I worry.
So make sure you get that checked out, okay?
My journal topic today 'cause I'm rambling.
So, I was in yoga the other day
and my teacher said, 'cause we were in child's pose,
which is my favorite post of all time in yoga
'cause you can just pretty much sleep,
she was saying notice how you, and I even
breathed just then just thinking about.
She's like notice how when you breath,
you're breathing into your back
and how easy it is right now for you to breath
into your back and expand your back and your ribcage.
And it felt really good.
When she said that, I was like
"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am.
"This feels really good.
"I feel like I'm really stretching it out."
And she was like, "Different poses and different positions
that we'll put our body in, make it easier
to get into certain portions and to breath in
to certain parts of our body that are lacking oxygen."
And I was like, "You know, life's a lot like that."
There's certain positions and places we can be
and things we can get into that really help us
heal parts of ourselves and parts of our body,
our mental body, right?
'Cause it's all connected,
and we have to heal it all,
and I made some notes because I do that
'cause otherwise I forget things.
And I was saying we can apply this to life
'cause being in an therapy can help us
be more open and really heal certain things
and then being in group therapy
can help us heal in other ways
and share other things.
Also, being with friends 'cause there's certain
things I'd want to talk with my friends about
that I wouldn't want to talk to anybody else really about
'cause they're my friends, and they get me.
And even being in our happy place
like being at the ocean or being in a park
or being around animals.
I personally love animals and going to the pound
or pet stores like oh it's amazing,
and it can help us heal parts of our self.
So, I want you to talk some time this week
to think about the different places and positions
you can put yourself in that can help
heal those things that have been hurting you most,
and like I said, always share with me.
Tweet it to me.
Send me pictures on Instagram.
You can leave your comments below and let me know
'cause I really like to know that stuff, okay?
I love you all.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Wednesday, so I'll be on the website
and I'll be on YouTube.
So make sure you answer your question
or ask your questions below this or on the website
under community forums Q and A for videos, okay?
See you then, bye.