- Do you worry a lot about the future,
about things that have not yet happened?
Worry about your job, your money, your family,
your loved ones?
If you worry about the future,
and worrying about the future affects your present moment,
keep watching,
Because I'm going to reveal the secrets
to breaking this cycle for good,
and discovering the happiness you deserve
by being able to live in the moment.
You know, I worked with somebody once who said to me,
"Hey I'd love to be hypnotized
but the problem is I can't visualize.
I'm no good at visualizing."
And I said, "Really? That's amazing."
He went, "Yeah?"
I said, "Oh, it's incredible.
That's such an amazing gift you have."
"What do you mean?"
I said, "Well, if you can't visualize, you know what?
You must never worry about money,
or your kid,"
he went, "No, I worry all the time.
I worry about my kid when they're late,
I worry about the bills."
I'm like, "Wow. How can you worry when you can't visualize?"
Because worrying is visualizing what could go wrong,
what may go wrong,
until it feels like it's already gone wrong.
So let's talk about some of the things people worry about.
"I worry about getting sick."
"I worry about death."
"I worry about the bills."
"I worry about my job."
"I worry about other people dying."
"Every time my kid goes out or my partner leaves,
I worry they might have an accident."
"I worry about my parents dying."
"I worry about my kids taking drugs,
or getting pregnant,
or shoplifting,
or doing something crazy."
"I've got so many things to worry about."
And you see,
when you worry about things that have yet to happen,
it's called the WPO,
what I call the worst possible outcome.
Spending time worrying about the 'what ifs' in life
is not a good use of your time.
It's very easy to get into that worry, worry, worry,
but it doesn't work.
You know, I married my husband in August,
and in October, he really wasn't very well.
He went to the doctor and they said,
"Oh, you're moments away from having a stroke."
They said, "Have you got a car?"
"Yeah."
"Drive him to hospital."
I drove him to hospital, thinking,
"Wow.
I've been married for three months.
Am I going to be a widow in three months?
No. I'm not going to let that happen."
But I thought about it, but I didn't worry.
I thought about it.
I thought, "He's in good hands."
We're coming up to 13 years being married now,
but that first three months, it's like, "Gosh."
But I didn't worry about it too much.
When I had cancer, I didn't go,
"Oh my God, this is the end."
People say, "Have you got scanxiety?"
It's a new word.
"No."
"Every time you have a scan, do you think it's coming back?"
"No.
Every time I have a scan,
I'm convinced it will never come back.
It's been, it's gone."
But worry can make you focus on the wrong thing.
My mother was a grade-A worrier.
She worried about everything.
If you went on holiday, she'd worry.
"I know they've lost my luggage.
I know they won't have it.
I know the hotel's going to be awful."
I'm like, "How do you know, Mum?"
"I just know."
We're at the carousel.
"I know my luggage is gone."
I said, "You know what? I'm going to visualize your luggage."
She hated that,
Because she wanted to worry.
Worrying gave her attention.
It allowed her to express all her thoughts.
It allowed her to bond with other people.
"Oh, yes. Wasn't it awful?
Oh, it's just terrible.
Guess what's happened now."
And then she'd come and say to her friends,
"Well, you know, I thought they'd lost my luggage,
and if they had, it would've all been ruined."
So she could worry about things that would never happen.
At my wedding, I said,
"Mum, my sister's bought you an amazing holiday in France.
You're all going together."
"I'm not going."
"Why not?"
"I'm not going on the Eurostar.
It's going to be blown up by terrorists."
"How do you know?"
"I know."
But my mother was an amazing person.
She could make a great event negative,
and she could make something good negative.
She was sick one day,
and she said, "You can't believe my neighbors.
They banged on the door and brought me food
when I wanted to sleep.
So rude."
I'm like, "Mum, that's an amazing thing.
They love you."
"But I didn't want to be woken.
I didn't want to come downstairs."
So my mother was a great teacher for me,
how she worried about things that would never happen.
"I'm worried about the plane being late.
I'm worried about you.
I'm worried about your sister.
I'm worried about your brother."
And worrying is a way of keeping an image in your mind
until it feels real,
and worrying can make you physically ill.
My mother was always ill,
because she worried,
she was always making cortisol and stress hormones.
And the other thing she did
was she would steal the joy from an event.
We're going to a wedding,
"I know we're going to be late.
Everyone's going to be so angry.
We're going to walk in, everyone's going to look."
We got there on time.
But on the way to anywhere she would worry.
She would worry.
And I know when we took long journeys,
she had to go to the toilet every hour,
because that worrying gave her an irritable bladder,
and it also made the journey a complete pain.
You're doing a five-hour trip,
you've got to stop over and over again.
So I want you to stop worrying.
I want you to understand something.
Statistics show that 4% of what you worry about
is likely to happen to you.
4%.
You know, I was a dancer in the Eighties,
and in the Eighties, AIDS came, and people said,
"Oh my God, this is a terrible thing.
The world as we know it has changed forever.
Everyone's going to know someone who dies of AIDS.
One in 10 people is going to die of AIDS.
All these dancers are in this promiscuous world,
and a bisexual world,
and they're probably going to get AIDS more."
So the world I lived in,
I wasn't promiscuous, or bisexual,
but nothing wrong with that,
but in the world I lived in, we were told,
"Every 10th person you know will get AIDS and die.
You can never have unsafe sex again."
That's not a bad thing, by the way, but guess what?
It didn't happen.
I know someone who's had AIDS for 40 years.
I know many people surviving AIDS.
They take medication.
We were told after 9/11,
"Life as we know it will never be the same again."
Well it kind of wasn't, but also it was.
We get on a plane, security is better.
So when you worry all the time
you keep your mind in a state of high anxiety.
You think about the worst thing that could ever happen,
until it feels like it's happened.
Imagine this.
Close your eyes and imagine the person you love
having an accident on the way home.
Your kid isn't back, and you're worried.
You know, many years ago, my daughter was about 10,
and she was super friends
with these two 10-year-old girls next door.
And she came in and she goes,
"Mum, mum, their dad's taking them to the seaside.
Can I go?"
I'm like, "Of course you can go."
So I went outside, the dad turned up,
they got in the car.
I was very friendly with the mother,
and she said, "Oh, they go every week."
I said, "Put your seat belt on,"
and he went, "Oh, this car doesn't have seat belts."
So I'm like, "Oh, okay.
What shall I do?
Shall I pull her out of the car and go, 'You can't go.
No seat belts.
So dangerous'?"
And I made a call that you may think is wrong.
I thought, "You know what?
If they never had the seat belts on for this whole trip,
I wouldn't know."
It wasn't far away.
It wasn't a long trip.
And I made a call.
"I'm going to let her go.
Even though I don't agree with not having seat belts.
But then my grandmother went in a car every day
with no seat belts.
They weren't invented."
And off she went.
Now it's a bit late, and she's not back,
and I'm thinking, "Oh, where is she?"
I went next door and said,
"Can I have your husband's mobile?"
She said, "Oh, he doesn't answer the phone.
No point in ringing him."
But we rang, didn't answer.
And I knew I had a choice.
"Now I can start to worry.
They've had a terrible accident.
They haven't got seat belts.
I'm a terrible mother.
I let her go without her seat belt.
How can I live with myself?
Something awful has gone wrong."
Or, I began to imagine having a conversation
with my daughter saying,
"You really need to call me.
I need to know where you are.
You feel like you want to call your mummy."
And all of a sudden she rang,
she said, "Mummy, I bet you're worried about me.
I'm just at the top of the road.
I'll be home in 10 minutes."
Because I had a choice.
"Let's worry, worry, worry.
Where is she?
What's happened.
I'll die if anything's happened to her.
I'll never live with myself."
Or, I could say, "I'm just going to imagine she's great.
After all, I'm using my imagination to worry.
Shall I use my imagination
to believe that everything is just fine,
everything is okay?
When you're ill, you think
"Oh the worst possible thing,"
or, "Well, you know,
I live in a country with medication,
and clean water, and surgeons,
and I'm going to be just fine."
So the best tip to stop worrying
is to understand you are using your imagination
to focus on the worst possible outcome,
and you could focus on the best possible outcome,
because your mind doesn't know or care.
Focus on something good.
Whatever you're seeing, flip it over.
"My kids are safe.
I'm divinely protected.
Everything is working out.
This is just an experience,
an opportunity, a challenge, a situation.
It will pass."
And when you do that,
you not only create happiness for yourself,
you create happiness for others.
You show your children how not to worry.
"What if I fail that exam?"
"What if I don't get into that school?"
"What if this boyfriend dumps me?"
"What if my friends don't like me?"
"Darling, that'll probably never happen,
but if it does, you have amazing coping skills,
and there are other boyfriends, other friends,
other schools.
It will be okay."
When I was asked to leave college
because I really didn't work hard enough,
that sounded awful.
It was one of the best things that ever happened.
My first boyfriend dumped me.
I look back and I think,
"He did me a favor,
because he set me free to go and live in America,
and have a different life,
which I wouldn't have had
if I'd stayed with him and married him."
So sometimes the worst thing that could happen
can be the best.
But you have a choice.
Rationalize why this is so bad, and worry,
or talk yourself out of it.
Use your imagination to talk yourself out of it,
instead of talking yourself into it.
My mother was a worrier.
My father was an optimist.
I had amazing teachers.
They both taught me something.
My mother was always ill.
My father was never ill.
He said, "Oh, I haven't got time to be ill."
And when they died, my father had an amazing death.
He said, "I've had a wonderful life.
I've had a wonderful job.
I don't regret a thing.
My life's been amazing."
My mother had a very different death, sadly,
because she didn't live in a state of gratitude.
She lived in a state of, "It's not fair.
I never got what I wanted.
Life hasn't been fair.
Life hasn't been kind.
I'm frustrated."
She didn't have a wonderful job like my father did,
and that's why I always had a wonderful job,
because he showed me it's a balm that can sooth anything.
Certainly was for me.
So worrying influences how you live,
how you work
how you cope,
how you function,
even, in my parents' case, how you die.
If you would like some help dealing with your worries,
if you want to stop worrying,
to stop being in the worst possible outcome,
if you're experiencing any other issues in your life
that you would like help with,
click below and I will connect you
with one of my amazing, trusted, phenomenal, highly trained,
super skilled RTT® therapists,
and they will give you the support you need,
and they have the skills
to help you change (fingers click) like that.
So get in touch.
They can help you more than you can imagine.
Check out my next video here.