Item #: SCP-ROCKS-J Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-ROCKS-J are to be stored in a soundproof
container large enough to contain all twenty-six instances.
As instances of SCP-ROCKS-J have reacted negatively to being separated from one another, instances
have been allowed to be contained in the same container as long as they keep disputes and
arguments to a minimum.
Description: SCP-ROCKS-J refers to a total of twenty-six varying types of large river
rocks.
All instances are fully sentient and capable of vocal communication despite lacking mouths.
All instances speak in an identical, loud, high-pitched voice.
Each instance bares a pair of large googly eyes, which despite appearing non-anomalous,
allow instances to visually perceive their surroundings.
All instances of SCP-ROCKS-J are capable of minor telekinesis which they use to move.
Instances are unable to use their abilities on any life forms or objects other than themselves.
Instances of SCP-ROCKS-J have been designated SCP-ROCKS-J-A to Z.
SCP-ROCKS-J are considered non-threatening to Foundation staff.
Instances show a low level of intelligence and lack the ability to pay attention to one
specific subject for even short amounts of time and on occasion experience severe memory
loss.
With instances often forgetting personnel and previously learned information.
SCP-ROCKS-J was discovered in ██████ river located in █████, England.
Instances at the time of discovery were attempting to communicate with a nearby pigeon.
This ended with an instance of SCP-ROCKS-J having apparently become ‘inspired’, and
proceed to perform a rap about pigeons.
Lyrics consisted of: "Pigeons, pigeons, vermin of the street, pigeons, pigeons, they're really
neat."
Interview ROCKS-J-1 Subjects: SCP-ROCKS-J
Begin Log
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Hi!
Dr. Agnew: Good evening, I’m doctor Agnew.
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: We’re rocks!
Dr. Agnew: Indeed you are!
I’ll be interviewing you all today.
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Our names are Bob, Steve, Jessica, Rodrick, Kyle, Carl, Karl with a ‘k’,
Jessica again, Paul, Kevin, Steve again-
Dr. Agnew: Er… don’t worry, there’s no need to tell me all of your names.
I was hoping a few of you could share some useful information regarding your origins
or biology?
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: It shall be me!
I speak for the rocks.
SCP-ROCKS-J-B: No you don’t!
Speak for yourself, Arnold!
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Shut it Bob.
You lost the right to speak up in the last rock committee meeting!
SCP-ROCKS-J-B: See!
This is exactly what i was talking about!
I was sick of you incessantly putting the word ‘rock’ in front of everything we
do!
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: It’s an important wording choice!
The world needs to know that we are rocks and proud!
SCP-ROCKS-J-B: They do not!
They can plainly see that we are rocks just by looking at us!
And also ones with big glorious eyes on them!
(SCP-ROCKS-J-B turns to Dr. Agnew and begins shaking intensely for several seconds, causing
its googly eyes to shake rapidly.)
SCP-ROCKS-J-B: You see!?
Dr. Agnew: Um…
I certainly do.
SCP-ROCKS-J-B: See!? he gets it!
You should think before you start talking shit!
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: That’s it!
I’m going to knock your rocks off!
SCP-ROCKS-J-B: That pun wasn’t even funny and we don’t wear socks.
That joke works neither as a humorous line or as one that makes sense!
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: That is the last outburst you’ll make!
(SCP-ROCKS-J-A and B levitate several centimeters off the ground and begin to repeatedly tap
into each another using their telekinetic abilities.
Dr. Agnew stares in disbelief for roughly thirty seconds before interfering.)
Dr. Agnew: Ok let’s just- Look just calm down alright?
there’s no nee-
SCP-ROCKS-J-C: He separated Arnold and Bob!
Crap, this guy must be on the real shit!
(Instances A and B lower to the ground.)
SCP-ROCKS-J-D: Sorry.
We had no idea you were so jacked bro!
You gotta show me what you lift!
Dr. Agnew: What?
no!
I don’t…
Ok, let’s start again with something else…
SCP-ROCKS-J-C: He shall be our King!
SCP-ROCKS-J-E: We have a king now? sweet!
SCP-ROCKS-J: (In unison) ALL HAIL.
Dr. Agnew: Now this is getting strange…
(All instances of SCP-ROCKS-J levitate in unison and begin slowly moving towards Dr.
Agnew.)
SCP-ROCKS-J: HAAAAAAAAAAIL…
Dr. Agnew: Alright That’s it!
I’m done!
(Dr. Agnew retreats from the interview room.)
Post interview report: Upon leaving the interview room, SCP-ROCKS-J continued to vocalise the
word ‘hail’ for the following ten minutes.
SCP-ROCKS-J eventually ceased this behaviour, apparently forgetting what they had been doing.
Following this, instances appeared to have a discussion regarding the hierarchy of their
group.
This later ended with instances organising a hierarchy amongst themselves consisting
of royal titles of various continents, all of which were altered to feature the word
‘rock’ or a type of rock.
Interview ROCKS-J-2 Subjects: SCP-ROCKS-J
Begin Log
Dr. Agnew: Hello again SCP-ROCKS-J.
SCP-ROCKS-J-C: Have we met?
Dr. Agnew: You don’t recall?
we…
never mind that.
I’m Dr. Agnew.
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: We’re rocks!
Dr. Agnew: I know.
I’m here to interview you-
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: What’s your favourite colour?
Dr. Agnew: Excuse me?
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Ours are red, blue, yellow, pink, burgundy, pink again, orange, pink a
third time, blue again, silver, crimson, pink-
Dr. Agnew: Sorry to interrupt you, but…
I was hoping to speak to you about your origins.
Do you by chance know where you came from?
SCP-ROCKS-J-G: I’m pretty sure we came from a place called ‘Made In China’.
It’s printed on my bottom.
SCP-ROCKS-J-R: I thought we were from Barcelona.
SCP-ROCKS-J-K: You would Rodrick!
SCP-ROCKS-J-R: Shut up Kevin, no one likes you!
SCP-ROCKS-J-G: I don’t even remember getting this tattoo…
SCP-ROCKS-J-W: Well, I have one with 'Wondertainment' on it…
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: You can’t prove anything.
It’ll never hold it a court of law.
And Steve's a lawyer!
(SCP-ROCKS-J-S appears with a necktie attached to it.)
SCP-ROCKS-J-S: I’m a lawyer!
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Yes, and we have a rock-solid alibi!
SCP-ROCKS-J-B: Jesus, not this again!
SCP-ROCKS-J-R: Stop-pit you two!
We’re trying to discuss serious legal things!
I think these jerks want to sue us!
SCP-ROCKS-J-K: I thought this was a murder trial?
SCP-ROCKS-J-S: Murder!?
They can’t prove that.
That guy we drowned in the river was never recovered!
Dr. Agnew: (Visibly tired and bewildered) WHAT'S EVEN GOING ON ANYMORE!?
SCP-ROCKS-J-H: Who are we drowning?
SCP-ROCKS-J-B: You in a minute if you don’t shut your nonexistent bitch ass mouth!
Interview ROCKS-J-3 Subjects: SCP-ROCKS-J and a pile of non-anomalous
rocks
Begin Log
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Hi!
(Several seconds of silence.
No response.)
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: You’re very rude.