What did you do before standup?
Oh, okay, I was a businessman.
I worked in tax services.
You worked in tax services? Yeah, yeah.
What'd you do in tax services?
I wore, I think, a Lady Liberty outfit and would...
(audience laughing)
Did you really? Yeah.
You were dressed as Lady Liberty and you were out
in front of a place that did taxes?
Yeah, I have a sign and it was my job
to get people to notice the place.
And I got 'em to notice. (audience laughing)
I would think, yes, if I saw you as Lady Liberty
that would get my attention. (laughs) Yeah.
Was it a bad job?
I mean, it doesn't sound like- No, it was good.
I mean, first of all, like you said,
me dressed up as Lady Liberty I was like,
oh, this is a Neo-Nazi's nightmare.
Yeah, yeah. (audience laughing)
(audience applauding) (audience cheering)
So I loved it and it was fun.
I mean, I ended up getting MRSA from it. (laughs)
MRSA, that's a serious skin disease.
How did you get that? (audience laughing)
Well, there's only two or three outfits
and there's about 10 to 12 employees so you can...
(audience groaning)
(laughing) Disgusting.
Wait, so you got really sick by wearing that costume.
How much work did you miss?
I missed, I spent, a couple of years ago
Valentine's Day weekend, spent that in the ICU.
And got out and it was like, hey, can I still work here?
'Cause I needed- You wanted to go back
and work there? I'm a trooper, Conan.
Yeah. I'm not gonna let
just a flesh-eating virus stop me.
(audience laughing) So did they, they must have,
I'm sure they were very appreciative that you-
No, they already found somebody. (laughs)
Oh, oh God. (audience laughing)
Hey I gotta ask you quickly, you were a gang member,
you played a gang member in "Get Hard."
And I thought you did a terrific job.
Thank you.
But you don't seem like a tough guy.
You know, when I've seen you perform
and when I've talked to you and here tonight,
you don't seem like a tough guy,
but it seemed like you really tried.
I think we have a photograph of you.
It seemed like you really tried to get into the role
(audience laughing) of a gangster in this film.
[Ron] Oh, that's just my home pictures. (laughs)
(audience laughing)
[Andy] Your head shot.
(audience applauding) Just a casual shot.
Yeah, that's just, no, I'm not a tough guy.
I'm kinda the opposite.
I think the term for it is punk-ass bitch.
(audience laughing)
I'm not that tough of a person.
Yeah. The fact when I got the job
the first day- At "Get Hard."
Yeah, "Get Hard" I went into with wardrobe
and I was talking to the lady for a few minutes.
We're just talking and she was just like,
"Oh, don't take this wrong,
but I don't see you as a gang member."
So I slapped her, you know. (audience laughing)
(laughing) Yeah yeah, I'm sure you did.
(laughs) You don't believe me?
Somehow, Ron, I don't believe you slapped her.
I'm sure what ended up happening with you-
Unless it was like this. Yeah.
(audience laughing) Oh, you.
You play too rough.
Yeah, sorry, did I hurt you? Yeah, yeah.