Raising kids can be a real challenge especially if they're not listening to
you or seem to respect you as a parent. How do you get kids to listen and
respect? Before we jump into the meat of this particular video, I've got 3
specific things that you can do. Before we go there, remember your job. What is
your job as a parent? It is to love them no matter what and even if. Some of you
are rolling your eyes right now because you've been on the channel long enough
to know that I harp on this all the time. If you're new to the channel, make a
mental note. Your job as a parent is to love them no matter what and even if.
Even if they don't listen. Even if they're disrespectful. Doesn't change
your job as a parent. When you get focused on that, the tips and tricks and
strategies that I can share with you are going to be very effective. If you lose
sight of your job then everything that I have to share with you here on the
channel or in the Parenting Power-Up course are nothing more than
manipulation. So that is why it's so important you stay focused. Okay? Your job
is to love them no matter what and even if. Okay, enough of that. Now,
let's get into respect and how to get your kids to listen your words are
either garbage or gold to your kids. If they're not listening, probably your
words are garbage. Now, why would your words be garbage to
your kids? It might be that in the past, I know before you ever learned about
positive parenting, you may have said some things that you didn't follow
through with. You may have said some things that you didn't really mean to
try to manipulate or threaten your kids into compliance with your requests. I
know that's in your distant dark past. And you don't do that anymore. That has
trained your kids to think about your words in a way that's not
serving you well. So, we want to turn your words from garbage into gold. And the
first step to do that is to say what you mean and mean what you say. I still
remember when Vicky and I were just starting out our family and we had these
little kids and we lived next door to a family who had little kids as well. We're
in this duplex. And I remember this family that lived right next to us was
going to take a little car ride somewhere I don't even know where they
were going. But as they're loading up their car, the 3-year-old plops down
on the stairs and said, "I'm not going." Well, is he going or not? You don't give a
3-year-old the choice whether to stay or go, right? It's not safe to leave
your child and go off to a distant town. And so the mom said, "You get in this car
right now or we're going to leave you all by yourself." Okay,
her mom's words garbage or gold? What do you think? Is she really going to leave
him? Now, it's different if she had approached us as her kind loving
neighbors and said, "Hey, Paul, Vicki. Will you guys be ready to just help me out
with a little parenting? I'm going to tell my son that we're leaving him if he
doesn't get in the car and I'm leaving him to your care. Are you good with that?"
See, now that's different but that's not what she had done. She was threatening
him. He knew that. He knew that she wasn't going to follow through with that. So say
what you mean and mean what you say. This is a powerful way to turn your words
from garbage into gold. If your kids are used to listening to what they think is
garbage, they're not gonna know at first that your words have turned into gold
until you follow through a few times and they see that you say what you mean and
mean what you say. Here's tip number 2. We're getting kids to listen and respect.
Smile. Can you do that? You're doing it right now because you see my goofy smile.
Smile. You're happy, right? Well, tell your face. Smile. Not just because you're happy
and positive because I know you are. And if you're still working on that, stay on
the channel. We'll help you out. If you're happy and positive and you're smiling,
your kids are more likely to think. This is true for a number of reasons.
Kids are constantly monitoring who's in control here, who's in charge here. And if
they feel like they're the ones that are in charge, they start to have more
anxiety because little kids shouldn't be in charge of stuff and they darn well
know that. And if they're in charge, are they really safe? Little kids need to
know that there are big people in their world who love them no matter what and
even if. Oh, wonder where that came from? And who are powerful enough to set and
enforce appropriate limits. This gives you authority as a parent and it secures
your children to know that they're safe under the care and control of a loving
person who is bigger than they are and powerful enough to be in control. I'm
sharing with you some of the psychology behind it so that you'll get this. When
you smile it sends a clear message that you are in control that you are not
tipped over. That you have this. And that is going to reassure your child. Plus it
invites them to think. We talked about listening and respecting. If your kids
are thinking, they're more likely to do both of those. So smile
and stay in control of this. If you need some help with that, let us help you.
There's other videos here on the positive personal development playlist
that you may or may not have seen already that help you personally just
in control. And then everything that we've gotten here on the positive
parenting playlist. It's there for you. And we've got coaching available too. If
that would help, just contact us through the website. Now, while we're on this
topic of a smiling, let me just address yelling for a moment. Yelling is a what I
refer to as a Parent Trap. A Parent Trap is something that seems to work
initially but in the long run get you into more trouble. When we yell, it gets
our kids attention immediately. And we start to learn as parents, "Oh, it's
yelling that works." Well that's fuzzy logic. What's working is the the pattern
interrupt. Your getting their attention yes. But yelling is actually for a lot of
really weird psychological reasons more of a reinforcer than it is a punishment.
It's almost like giving your child validation that they exist as you yell
at them. And it becomes reinforcing. Which means that whatever you yelled at them
for is more likely, not less likely. More likely to happen again. That's weird. I
know. But I guess two kids bad breath is better than no breath at all. And you've
heard that they do it for attention sometimes? Yeah. Attention is like the
lifeblood that children are looking for. So, we want to give them appropriate
attention in other ways. But yelling can be a trap.
And it steals your credibility. It actually diminishes your authority with
your child for a lot of reasons. So we want to stay away from the yelling. Do a
little experiment where you smile. One of the moms I was working with actually did
a smile experiment. I thought it was brilliant, where she just intentionally
consciously started smiling into her children. And it was amazing what she
discovered from that. Try it out. See what happens. See how you feel. Watch how your
children respond. Smiling. Powerful tool. The third tip that I have for you today
on helping kids to listen and respect has to do
with your example as a parent. You want your kids to listen to you. How much are
you listening to your children? You want your kids to respect you as a parent, how
much are you respecting them as your child? Our example speaks volumes. And
sometimes our kids can't hear what we're saying because they're too busy watching
what we're doing. This is where I'm asking you as a parent to do a little
self inventory and this can be a little painful from time to time. Okay,
swallow hard, do it anyway and find out how you're showing up with your kids. Are
you willing to be an example to them of how to actually listen and be respectful
in this relationship? As a parent, you've got what it takes. Sometimes you might
not feel that you do. And to increase your confidence, we put together a
community and a program that will help you to feel that confidence and show up
as a positive loving, benevolent parent. It's called the Parenting Power-Up. If
you haven't connected to it yet, please click on the link right over there.
parentingpowerup.com. And we will be thrilled to welcome you to this positive
parenting community.