Women put up with a lot of pain in their lives, between childbirth and
conditions like endometriosis. But let’s not leave the men out of it.
These are ten conditions that will usually only happen to
men - and they’re the most painful around.
It’s almost a ritual for young boys - the first time you get kicked in the nuts.
You might have been horsing around with friends, or maybe your older brother
decided it would be funny to convince you to play a game of who's tougher.
He goes first, of course. One thing’s for sure - you might have fallen out of
trees and skidded halfway across gravel playgrounds without batting an eyelash,
but that first nutshot is probably the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced. You double
over, tears coming to your eyes, and probably let out a scream - or some choice curse words.
What about getting kicked in this specific spot causes so much pain?
It’s all part of the wonder of the human reproductive system.
Testicles are designed to be part of sex and are packed with nerve endings to make sex
more enjoyable. But with great pleasure comes great pain, which is not a superhero quote.
That added sensitivity is a double-edged sword because pressure on this area causes extreme pain.
Plus, while many areas of the body are covered by a protective covering of muscle or bone,
the testicles are exposed and just hanging out there. That’s why they’re easy to injure - you
can essentially kick yourself in the testicles by sitting down the wrong way. When the coach
advises you to put your cup on in case a ball goes sailing the wrong way, you should probably listen.
Because a hard impact to the balls can cause serious problems.
Usually, an impact to the testicles doesn’t require medical intervention. Just lay down,
take some mild painkillers, and get an icepack to prevent swelling. But if the pain doesn’t
subside after an hour or you notice other danger signs like bruising, nausea, blood in the urine,
or damage to the protective sac of the testicles, it might be time to seek
medical attention. Not only can an injury cause extended discomfort if left untreated,
but a hard enough kick can cause testicles to rupture - which can cause infertility,
or even death if an infection gets into the bloodstream. Maybe the next time
your brother suggests that favorite game of his, it’s better to play Mario Kart instead.
But it’s not the worst thing that can happen to the testicles.
The testicles are very important organs - they hold the future of the human race inside them.
Which makes it kind of silly that they’re so fragile. They don’t even
need to be injured by an outside force - when something twists just the wrong way,
they can essentially strangle themselves. This is testicular torsion, a condition that happens
when the spermatic cord that holds the testicle twists, cutting the testicle off from its blood
flow and slowly depriving it of the energy it needs to stay alive. As soon as this happens,
it’s usually accompanied by intense pain in the testicles - sometimes not as extreme as
a sharp kick, but usually more persistent and impossible to avoid long-term. While this is
sometimes caused by a congenital malformation, it often happens to people who have no risk factors.
So is there any way to avoid this?
Most of the common risk factors include age and body type. It happens most often
in newborns - who can’t express “Hey, my balls hurt” the way older people can - or
during puberty when there is sudden growth and the testicles have yet to fully descend.
The other main risk factor is trauma - particularly the slow pressure caused by
frequent bicycle riding. While this is a small percentage of cases, it’s significant enough for
many cyclists to check down there regularly when they’re doing heavy riding. Oddly, it seems like
cold weather months may make this condition more likely to happen, although the cause is uncertain.
And when someone is worried about it, they should do something about it - quickly.
Testicular torsion won’t be ignored - it’s usually accompanied by extreme pain in the testicle and
stomach - and that’s because it’s running on a ticking clock. Not only is it painful,
but the testicle is being starved and slowly dying. The best approach is to head to a
doctor or hospital immediately so they can try to manually manipulate the testicle back into place.
If this doesn’t work, the next step is surgery to manipulate the spermatic cord back into position.
This is usually a simple operation, but one that has to be done quickly - there is only
a twelve-hour window in most cases before the testicle dies and has to be removedy7.
In this case, the intense pain is a warning sign. Listen to it, and save a testicle.
It’s not the only case where the genitals betray men.
It’s not often a disease makes its way into the tabloids, but the President of the United
States’ genitalia became the subject of national debate when Paula Jones described Bill Clinton’s
anatomy - and said his penis had a distinctive curve. While it was never proven true or false,
if it was true, Clinton’s member may have been one of many afflicted with Peyronie’s Disease.
This is a connective tissue disorder that affects the soft tissues of the penis,
causing scar tissue and fibrous plaques to grow,
affecting the thin sheath of tissue surrounding the erectile tissue. Normally, the penis looks
normal, but when the man becomes aroused and has an erection, it affects the shape of the penis.
And it has a nasty tendency to turn pleasure into pain in a hurry.
The penis is normally a little curved when erect, but with this condition, it can get extreme, In
severe cases, it causes large lesions and can even cause the penis to bend as if it has extra joints.
This can not only cause extreme pain but it can make it much more difficult to have an
erection - after all, if every case of sexual arousal results in shooting pain down there,
it’s going to be pretty difficult to keep feeling hot. This can make it difficult to have sex,
as well as have long-term psychological effects. Men suffering from Peyronie’s Disease often report
feeling inadequate and being self-conscious about what they look like down there.
So what causes this disease? Is there any way to avoid it?
The bad news is, the top risk factor is one every man will
experience - or at least they hope to. It becomes more common with age,
with up to ten percent of men eventually experiencing it. However, it can also be
caused by diabetes, repeated injuries to the penis which cause abnormal scar tissue growth,
and excessive consumption of alcohol or tobacco. It’s more common in people of European background,
and people are more likely to have it if they have a family history of it. While there is no cure,
it can be treated through physical therapy to slowly pull the penis back into shape
using a traction device - although this can be more uncomfortable than the original condition.
Sometimes, the problems go deeper.
The prostate is a small gland, but it’s responsible for a lot - including the production
of semen and the unique switch that lets men both pee and ejaculate without crossing the streams.
It’s an important little part of the body - and when something goes wrong,
it can be a big pain. The prostate is vulnerable to a condition called prostatitis,
and many men may have it without even knowing it. That’s because many of the cases are asymptomatic,
consisting of an inflamed prostate but no associated pain.
Doctors often discover it during urology visits and recommend treatments before it becomes a
problem - because if it proceeds to a later stage, it can result in urinary tract infections.
And that’s just the beginning, because it can cause some serious pain.
If it advances to the most serious phase, acute prostatitis,
it becomes a serious bacterial infection that can be a serious medical emergency.
Signs include chills and fever, difficulty urinating, and inflammation and pain in the
genital area or lower back. If doctors examine the prostate by probing through the rectum,
they’ll often find that it’s extremely sensitive and painful - often by the patient yelling at the
top of their lungs as soon as the gloved finger makes contact. This is a common condition after a
patient has a prostate biopsy to check for cancer cells, and is much more common in older patients.
And when it happens, it’s time to go into crisis mode.
While acute prostatitis can be treated, it’s important to catch it early.
This increases the odds that the patient can be treated with antibiotics and sent home to rest.
If left untreated, it can result in elevated white blood cell counts and even sepsis in
immunocompromised patients. If the antibiotics aren’t doing their work and the patient shows a
high fever, they’ll usually be admitted to the hospital for intravenous antibiotics. One of
the biggest side effects of acute prostatitis is difficulty urinating, which might result
in the need for a catheter. But most patients recover fully without it becoming a recurring
problem - although the diagnosis and treatment can often be painful and make many men self-conscious.
This next pain isn’t exclusive to men - but it can be much worse for them.
Anatomy is a tricky thing, and one little nerve going out of place can be a big pain - literally.
That’s the case with the pudendal nerve, located in the pelvis near the cavity known as Alcock’s
canal. It can easily get compressed and trapped in this area, leading to complications with
nerve function in that most sensitive area. It’s usually associated with intense pressure
on the pelvic region - which is why it’s often nicknamed “Cyclist Syndrome”. The first symptom
isn’t pain - it’s numbness. While there’s no standard test for the disorder, the first sign
is usually when you start to feel your butt fall asleep. This has probably happened to most people
during a long bus ride, and immediately they stand up and try to stretch their legs a little.
But if they don’t, things can get messy.
If the nerve gets compressed for too long, it can start to wreak havoc in function around the area.
First, the genitals and anus become numb - very inconvenient for anyone with an active sex life.
This also can cause trouble with bathroom function, making it hard to tell when you
need to go. Men also report that it makes the feeling of ejaculation change, and when
sensation does return, it can be associated with intense burning pain - similar to the kind
that happens when your arm comes back to life after a very awkward night of sleeping on it.
And when there’s reduced sensation, it comes with an increased risk of injury from other causes.
Fortunately, this condition can be alleviated easier than most - usually.
At the first sign of this disorder, it’s recommended to change your behavior.
The nerve usually becomes compressed through excess pressure, and reducing the pressure can
keep the symptoms from getting worse. But for many cyclists, that’s not an option - there’s
a race to train for. Physical therapists can help people develop better posture or use
exercises to loosen the tension. But if the disorder is allowed to progress to the point
where the symptoms become severe, a combination of medications and injections can improve the
symptoms - in most cases. While some doctors in a few countries claim to perform surgery to
relieve the tension, this is controversial and most doctors prefer less invasive techniques.
It’s not the only case where sitting can cause problems.
The term “trucker’s butt” probably creates funny visuals of a big guy bending over to
pick up a quarter and exposing…well, just about everything. But it’s actually a major
problem that affects countless people each year - mostly men. Officially called pilonidal disease,
it’s what happens when a cyst forms at the upper end of the butt cheeks. It’s estimated to affect
three in every ten thousand people, and the cause is unexpected - body hair. Men have a lot more of
it than women, so it’s rare for it to affect women - and men also have a lot more of the
common risk factors. It starts with itching and discomfort around the affected area, and
leads to a large lump forming around it - often leaking and causing stains on the underpants.
But if it becomes acute, it can be unbearable.
The problem comes when the pilonidal cyst becomes infected and is unable to drain. Then suddenly, it
can swell up quickly and make it impossible to sit down - a major problem for students or people who
sit down for a living, like truck drivers. It’s most likely to affect those who are overweight
and don’t exercise often, but the biggest contributing factor is ingrown hair. Moisture
fills the cavity where the hair grows, leading to bacterial growth, which leads to infections.
And while people can have this condition for years without having any real symptoms, once
it becomes an acute issue, the person might not be able to function without getting it treated.
Fortunately, there are multiple choices for treatment.
If it’s not at an acute stage, treating it with antibiotics can make it go dormant again - but
it can recur at any time, often at the worst possible time. If it’s swelling up and painful,
a doctor can cut open the cyst and let it drain, relieving the pain and letting the patient get
back to work. But to cure a pilonidal cyst, it often takes surgery - to not only drain the cyst,
but to remove the tissue and the nest of hair causing it to become infected. While
the surgery is relatively non-invasive and usually done under local anesthesia,
it can have a long recovery period which makes it difficult to sit down - which
is why many sufferers choose to relieve the symptoms but not actually treat the disease.
Inactivity leads to this disease - but activity often leads to this next one.
The human body is a fragile thing, with hundreds of organs and muscles working together to keep
us functioning. If one thing gets out of place, things can get messy. That’s the case with the
abdominal cavity, filled with organs that are kept in place by the inguinal canal.
When things get a little out of place, that’s called a hernia - and it can be both unsightly
and deeply uncomfortable. The first sign is the protrusion of a large lump on one side of
the groin. It doesn’t always cause immediate symptoms, which is why many people ignore it
at first - but if it’s allowed to proceed, it can cause serious pain. People report
intense discomfort, especially when coughing, using the bathroom, or being physically active.
But could that last one be the cause as well?
Many men report that their hernia started when they lifted something heavy,
and it’s common among laborers. But doctors aren’t sure if there’s a manual cause to this disorder,
and instead point out that many of the patients have other risk factors - including smoking, heart
and kidney disease, obesity, and past surgeries. It’s also a genetic risk factor, and people who
have previously had an invasive vasectomy may be especially susceptible. While women can get
inguinal hernias and pregnancy is a risk factor, it’s rare - only two percent of women get them
in their lifetime, while around a quarter of men do without pushing a new life out of their body.
And in the past, the cure might have been worse than the disease.
Until recently, elective surgery was recommended to cure hernias and involved the use of a belt
to hold the gut in place. While this provided a cosmetic improvement and more support when
the wearer was lifting things, it had possible long-term consequences. Today,
doctors advise against surgery in minor cases, although surgical repair is more common in women
who can have more complications because of the location of their arteries.
When doctors do perform surgery, they often use laparoscopic techniques to create tiny incisions
and allow the patient to get back to work more quickly. For men with minor hernias,
they’re usually advised to watch it carefully - because in extreme cases, the hernia can
start strangling the contents of the abdomen and cause life-threatening complications.
What’s worse? How about agonizing pain - every time you pee?
Both men and women have urethras, the canal that lets them pee. But men have a longer one
that extends through the penis - and that makes it much more vulnerable to urethral strictures,
the narrowing of the canal that makes every trip to the urinal a visit with pain.
The first signs of this include a weak stream of pee, as well as splashing
in unusual directions and needing to make frequent trips to the bathroom in a hurry.
In more serious cases, it can make every time painful and unsatisfying,
and lead to urinary tract and prostate infections. But in some cases, it can become a medical
emergency - if the tract becomes so narrow that the bladder can’t empty and is at risk of rupture.
So what causes the urethra to betray men everywhere?
It’s usually caused by scar tissue in the urethra, including from surgery or infection.
It can also be caused by the use of surgical tools like a catheter that affects the urethra,
but the most common cause is injury. A pelvic fracture that compresses the area
can cause lasting trauma, but it can also be caused by more common injuries - like getting
kicked square in the penis! Getting kicked in the testicles may be more intensely painful,
but a sharp kick in a certain area can lead to far more serious consequences.
So what’s to be done to get the waterworks flowing smoothly again?
If it’s an emergency where the patient is unable to urinate, they’ll likely be given
a catheter in the emergency room to bypass the urethra, or have a surgical procedure to drain
the bladder in more severe cases. But in less acute cases, the doctors concentrate on getting
things moving without extreme measures. This can include manual dilation, which can be painful
and make things worse in the long run, but also cell therapy to try to repair the damage.
However, in most extreme cases, doctors perform a urethroplasty to reconstruct the canal and replace
the scar tissue with healthy tissue from a skin graft. Whew. It’s enough to make you grateful
for every time you belly up to that urinal - even if that guy always stands next to you.
But it’s not the worst thing that men feel while taking a whiz.
You probably heard it all the time from your mom - “Make sure you drink enough water! You
don’t want to get a kidney stone!”. Turns out she was right because many people report
kidney stones as the most painful thing they’ve ever experienced in their life.
This is when the concentration of minerals in the kidneys gets so high that it forms a solid
piece of material that then tries to leave the exact same way as everything else produced by
the kidneys - through your urine. Needless to say, the urethra was not meant to handle little
irregularly shaped rocks - especially when they reach a certain size. Many tiny kidney stones
may pass through the urine stream without ever being noticed or only causing momentary pain.
But when they make themselves known - watch out.
When kidney stones form in the kidney, the first sign is often a serious pain that goes from the
side of the groin - and it can be extreme. Sufferers report having to go to the bathroom
more often, being unable to rest, having blood in the urine, and even feeling nauseous due to the
intensity of the pain. With most people, they’re just given painkillers and told to wait to pass
it - which can be excruciating and escalate the pain as it gets closer to exit. Anyone
can get kidney stones, with the biggest risk factors being dehydration, high protein intake,
and underlying medical conditions like Chron’s disease. But it’s also much more common in men.
So why are men plagued by these stones?
Over ten percent of men will have kidney stones in their lives, compared to just
over five percent of women, and men are also more likely to have extreme cases that require
medical treatment. If someone is unable to pass a stone on their own, the doctor is likely to
start by prescribing medication that may help to break it up. They can also use a machine
to deliver pulses of ultrasonic energy to break up the stone without any treatment,
but in the most extreme cases, they can use surgery to remove the largest stones.
But just because one stone is gone, doesn’t mean the ordeal is over - people who get
kidney stones are likely to have them recur. So listen to mom and keep drinking that water.
But there’s one pain that men fear more than any other.
This isn’t a medical condition that’s caused by repetitive stress or your body betraying you.
It’s caused by one slip-up at the urinal. You’re finishing up, shaking, and tucking things back
in - and your member makes an unfortunate reappearance just as you’re zipping up.
Instant agony - and trying to pull back makes things even worse. You’re caught in the most
embarrassing injury possible for men everywhere - the zipper malfunction. Made famous by Ben Stiller
in the famous 1990s romantic comedy There’s Something About Mary, it’s unfortunately
not Hollywood fiction. It happens to hundreds of men a year, many of whom need medical attention.
But fortunately, it’s not all that likely to happen to you.
There are a couple of common risk factors that most people won’t fall into. If you’re healthy,
competent, and sober, the odds are you’ll be able to stop in your tracks when something’s
in the way. It might still be a little painful, but you’ll be able to pull back before you wind
up in a sticky situation. Those at the most risk for zipper malfunctions? Those who are
uncircumcised and have a looser foreskin, as well as those who are mentally handicapped. But there’s
one group that should watch themselves - the drunk. Party guy Joe goes to the
bathroom after throwing back a few too many - and suddenly the party’s over.
Being drunk hurts your reaction time, and this is probably one of the worst risks - you know,
besides getting behind the wheel or doing a handstand on the balcony.
So what happens if the worst happens?
First of all, you’ll be tempted to pull it free. It might seem easy to just roll the zipper back,
but that’s likely to be extremely painful. Same for trying to pull it loose - this could
cause a nasty tear with massive bleeding. So as embarrassing as it is, just call 911. They’ll
know what to do - they’ve seen this situation many times before - probably too many. At the hospital,
doctors know how to numb the area and extricate the foreskin from the zipper. The good news is,
while extremely painful and embarrassing, the zipper malfunction rarely causes permanent
damage. The pain usually makes people stop before they actually damage the penile tissue,
and the skin can usually be repaired with stitches and bandages. So zipper
malfunction survivors will usually be fine - even if they’ll sweat every time they pass by a urinal.
Want to know some other injuries to avoid? Check out “The Worst Pain Ever?
These Injuries Will Make You Cry Like a Baby”, or watch this video instead.