eight steps to find a healthy partner when you're quitting porn I'm Dr. Trish Leigh.
welcome back let's talk about the eight c's two moving through a healthy process to start dating
and to find yourself a honey so you can have a lot of beautiful sex while having an amazing
relationship okay let's start with see number one see number one is check in with yourself so let's
say you're out and you're at the store with your buddies and you see a beautiful woman across the
room and she's gorgeous she's you like the way she looks you like her body so you're checking her out
instead of checking her out check in so what's going on internally do you just want to have
sex with her is it only sexual thoughts purely physical if it is end of story that's scene number
one you can move on until you're in a healthier place or you find a different person who inspires
you to move through the next seven seas because we are not talking about hooking up with people we're
not talking about one-night stands or even going on dates so you can only have sex with that person
it's objectification it's firing up the old neural pathways of porn and fantasy not what we are doing
we are talking about a whole person connection which yes usually starts in a physical sense you
see a person and you're inspired to know more about them but it's not just sexual it's more
than that and when when i met my husband i owned a restaurant and i'd always be behind the bar
and i'd be laughing and there was this distributor long story we won't even go there there was this
distributor who would always be sitting there and i would end up laughing and my husband
later on told me that every time he saw me crack up behind the bar it just made him want to come
over and talk to me that wasn't him looking at you know just body parts of mind just to
get that hit of dopamine it was more than that it's whole person connection
so let's move through the next seas but remember check in if it's just a dopamine hit for sex
move on get back into your quit porn program your brain rewire program here and table it for a
different time but if you're moving on to c number two establish eye contact contact so establish eye
contact with the person and see them as a whole person not just the parts of their body that your
eyes may gravitate to in an objectified way so when you make eye contact you are locking in with
that person you're seeing them as more than just a body for sex and if you still are engaged and you
want to keep moving forward with the rest of the seas you know you're in a good place so the next c
is give that person a cheeky smile now the reason i use the word cheeky is because
it's authentic it's the smile that you would give if you were laughing it's your smile not a a fake
smile that you think that person is going to find attractive you want to be yourself through this
process if you attract someone while you're not being yourself then you have to not be yourself
from there on out and that is not what we're talking about cheeky smile your smile the one that
is the true you from the inside to connect with the true view of the other person cheeky smile
okay next then you have to move forward and engage and approach with confidence and i know that might
be difficult for you but you might have to fake it till you make it or put some action steps in place
to be able to feel more confident but approaching with confidence is necessary so shoulders back
head high walking slowly and confidently towards said person so that you can begin to engage
so the next c we're on c number five is closeness if you see a person across the room
you want to move towards them proximity you've already smiled you've already made eye contact
you're going in but you're going in a positive way because remember sex isn't your goal connection
and moving forward is your goal so when you move forward you're you're gaining closeness
and proximity okay number six this one's a stretch in the c department it's concierge so if you've
ever been to a hotel there's a concierge or a nice hotel at least there's a concierge desk
where you can get your needs met if you need a reservation if you need to figure out some fun
things to do concierge is where you get your needs met as you move forward and you're trying to build
true authentic connection in a genuine way with this person being the true you
you want to be able to offer something and again this goes back to recovery from porn addiction
give to receive so you want to offer that person help with something remember an authentic way if
they don't need help you're going to move to the next c but think of a way that you
can serve that person in that moment so if they need help with something if they need to reach
something on the top shelf because we're going for shopping if they drop something you can help them
now if you don't want to help them and serve them but keep that in the back of your mind because
let me just tell you one more thing about that is that when people receive help from someone they
feel the desire to give back to that person and it can really help when we get to see number eight
okay so see number seven though is to complement if you can't quickly figure out a way to serve
that person that one person in that one moment then compliment them say something kind to them
not about a body part but complement their sneakers and in this in six and seven i want
to tell you that yes you can build an arsenal of compliments or ways to serve people but it
really has to be personalized to the person in the moment to be authentic so remember that
you can't have pick up lines you can't always tell someone that their eyes look like liquid
you know blue pools of loveliness it doesn't work it has to be true and authentic in the moment so
when you see the person and if they have the most beautiful brown eyes you've ever seen
or if they have a laugh that you like you can say i love your laugh it's cracking
me up from across the room compliment so make sure it's authentic okay and then let's move on
to see number eight scene number eight is call to action you want to ask that person
say you know what i noticed you and i'd like to spend some more time with you um you know
can i give you my snapchat can i give you my phone number can we connect on instagram whatever feels
good to you whatever level and remember the in building a relationship this is step by step by
step any person who's ready to go home with you in that moment is not a healthy partner in this video
and on this channel we're talking about building healthy relationships so a healthy person will
not jump in the car with you they want to meet you somewhere for coffee or for a drink or for lunch
remember baby steps to build connection so being able to communicate is the first step and honestly
that could be see number nine for us here i want to tell you that to be considerate and authentic
another c is really important and number 10 what not to do do not be creepy nobody wants a creeper
creeping in on them and when you come off creepy it's because you're not your authentic self it's
because you're trying too hard because your goal is not true connection it's because likely
you want to have sex with that person or you're objectifying them to get your needs met that's why
giving and serving back at step number six is important because when you act as concierge
and that person knows that you're really truly interested in building connection then that is
how you're going to be able to move forward and there's so many people on this channel and in my
program who have shared their stories of how this true authentic connection has happened
once their porn brain has unwired and they're rewiring their brain in a healthy way
so many people don't believe me that as you get out of the screen and you leave porn behind
your electromagnetic field becomes healthier and it becomes more attractive and if you use
these steps which are really positive you will attract a partner to you you'll have tons of great
sex in the real world and you'll have a beautiful relationship so i hope that helps you out and
if you're looking for more help on this journey please go over to drishley.com there's programs
in different shapes and sizes there for you and as always control your brain or it'll control you