Today, when we say Ancient Egypt, we condense the history of over 5000 years as if it all
happened all at once. When in fact, Cleopatra’s reign of Egypt is closer to us by many millennia
than it is far from the foundation of Egyptian civilization.
Over the years as humanity evolved in Egypt, they created a lot of rituals and chores which
might not be considered normal today. In fact, we might call them outright crazy!
Welcome to Nutty History and let’s look at all the weird, creepy stuff
Ancient Egyptians did which overshadows our trend to ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’ by miles.
The ancient Egyptian God Khnum was a busy, busy god. He was responsible for the desert’s water,
the beginning of life, the creation of gods, and the protection of the afterlife. That’s a lot of
work! Depicted with a head of a ram as his head, Khnum was also the god of fertility and associated
with the creation of humans. The word Khnum in the ancient Egyptian language meant “construct
or build”. Ancient Egyptians believed that Khnum used a potter’s wheel to create humans
and Gods alike from clay like a China (cutlery not country). And thus, Egyptians of the past believed
that they were made of clay, like pottery in their homes. Khnum not only created the bodies of humans
but also built every human’s “ka” or spirit. The spirit or life force was the blessing of Khnum to
keep humans healthy and willing to live. Ancient Egyptians also believed that Khnum created the
“First Egg.” And when that egg hatched, the sun appeared out of it. Forget eggs benedict. A sun
might be more beneficial in the long run. Khnum was a popular god during the first dynasty of
the old kingdom and was often referred to as the “Father of Fathers and Mother of Mothers,”
of the pharaohs. Ancient Egyptians believed that the old god Atum created the universe.
But like Lord Shiva in Vedic Mythology, Atum was considered the one who was there before the
beginning and the one who will continue to exist after the end. Before Khnum came into existence,
it was believed that Atum was responsible for creating the first batch of Gods.
As Atum was lacking a partner at the beginning of the universe, to create the gods - Shu and Tefnut,
he resorted to other measures. The sperm of Atum developed into his children without the
involvement of a woman. The myth perpetuated in belief among ancient Egyptians that the
male’s seed brings fertility and prosperity. At Min’s feast every year, the general public
and the ruling Pharaoh would perform a holy rite for ensuring a good harvest
and prosperity. Upon arriving at the shore, the Pharaoh would remove his clothes and keep himself
busy to offer his semen to the river. Whoah! There was no censorship back in the day.
You’d get arrested for that today. Pharaoh or not and then the rest of the men would practice
the ritual paying tribute to Atum. All I can say is, do not even think about drinking their H2O.
This was a ceremony held every year to recreate the gift given by Atum to nourish the Nile.
Everybody knows how much Egyptians of the past were obsessed about the cycle of life and death.
Their fascination with scarabs or dung beetles was also related to this obsession. According
to entomologist Yves Cambefort, Ancient Egyptians saw Scarabs emerging with a rolling ball of poop
and disappearing in the desert as somewhat akin to the sun coming out and setting up every day. Oddly
enough, these critters do indeed have impressive celestial powers. Dung beetles like the scarab are
incredible navigators that use the sun as guidance when moving their quarries. Rolling the dung ball
along, the beetle will periodically stop, climb atop its price, look around to orient itself,
and climb back down and start pushing the ball once more. This is why the solar god Khepri of
Ancient Egypt had the face of a dung beetle for rolling the ball of fire from east to west in the
celestial sky. You can see where this is going, right? If Khepri is a scarab, then the sun becomes
the ball of poop, and thus the poop becomes the symbol of immortality and reincarnation
among ancient Egyptians. Now hold on there are levels to this. It gets a little more interesting.
The old Egyptians considered fecal excrement of all animals sacred and incorporated them in
their medicines. Poop from gazelles, and dogs, and cats, and donkeys, etc. was used in various
assortments of cures and ointments. Some were used in spiritual rituals and exorcism as well.
But the crocodile was special of all, for it wasn’t just a medicine, it was also considered
a contraceptive! The four-thousand-year-old “Kahun Gynecological Papyrus” was medical
records detailing all about the means and measures used by the old Egyptians for birth control. The
document is filled with bizarre practices. Ancient Egyptian men were in fact one of the earliest
practitioners of using prophylactics during lovemaking, but these contraceptives were made
out of the same fabric they used for loincloth! However, if you think that was weird get this:
A mixture of Honey and “crocodile dung” was used by Ancient Egyptian women as pessary.
Now, using a block made out of honey and crocodile dung as a pessary sure sounds disgusting.
The acidic manure acted as a spermicide, and any bugs that the dung might have carried were taken
care of by honey because of its antibacterial properties which also helped in taking care of
STDs and SIDs. So sure, the mixture of crocodile dung and honey sounds repulsive and sticky,
to say the least, but at the same time it was a practice that the Egyptians thought worked.
Pregnancy tests in Ancient Egypt times were very different from what is used nowadays.
Whatever the case, women today are lucky to have modern-day pregnancy tests to let them
know when it’s time for a visit to the clinic or to give the good news to their loved ones. Ancient
Egyptians surprisingly had a similar method for their pregnancy checks. In the first known
pregnancy tests, ancient Egyptian women would go to fields of recently seeded wheat and barley
and urinate on seeds. If these seeds would sprout rather quickly than their usual blooming period,
it would mean a positive pregnancy. It might sound like old age hocus pocus but the modern pregnancy
sticks work kinda the same way. During pregnancy there is a specific hormone in the pee of women
and that hormone helps seeds to sprout faster. The modern sticks detect the amount of the same
hormone in the women’s pee to conclude if they are pregnant or not. One of the most fascinating
things about Ancient Egypt for Greek historian Herodotus was the equality in Egyptian society.
Unlike Greece and Rome, where women had somewhat inferior social status than men,
Egypt allowed women to not only own property and rule but they were also allowed to work in
any field they wanted. There were female healers, female high priestesses, female military officers,
and whatnot. In kinda the same way, men enjoyed privileges in Ancient Egypt that were considered
feminine in the outside world. Men of Egypt wore makeup with confidence like the women. Thick
eyeliners in cat’s eye designs were predominantly popular along with high liners and perfumed wigs.
Animal oils and fats were used as moisturizers by men and women alike.
Henna, popular in modern cultures today, was used to create fancy tattoos. It is believed
that makeup not only makes them fabulous but also acts as skin protectant. But the equality
didn’t stop there, men of Egypt also had those times of the month. Wait, male menstruation?
Did I read that right? Despite all the hygienic and cultural practices for purity, ancient Egypt
had a lot of diseases. And unfortunately, one of them was schistosomiasis, which made people
urinate and poop blood. It was so widespread that people didn’t even think it was a disease;
they thought men were menstruating. Egyptians accepted that males had periods like women,
as part of growing up. They even believed that bleeding was a sign of fertility in men.
Only if they knew that it was not a sign of fertility but it was an STD! “WOOT! WOOT!
That’s the sound of the police!” “WOOT! WOOT! That’s the sound of the police!” Oh
sorry. Yes, quite literally. In ancient Egypt, if you heard a herd of monkeys running in your
direction screaming in monkey language, run! Consider yourself a wanted man and an outlaw
because the warrant was out and the cops were coming to get you. Cops that were baboons!
Seriously this could be a great comedy movie with Jim Carrey as their commissioner. Hollywood,
are you listening? Anybody? Cats were the most popular choice but Ancient Egyptians were in love
with all sorts of animals. There were hardly any animals in the African biosphere that Egyptians
hesitated to utilize as pets. Lions, Ibises, Gazelles, Hippos, Fish, Birds, Monkeys, Baboons,
Ancient Egyptians were known for their exotic pets but not all of them were for show. Like
dogs used by modern police departments across the globe to assist the authorities in search, trace,
and detect; Ancient Egyptians used baboons, hieroglyphs and artwork that have survived
ages depict Egyptian authorities using baboons on leashes to apprehend criminals. One shocking bit
of classical Egyptian artwork depicts authorities unleashing a baboon on a thief in a marketplace,
and the criminal begging them to call the animal off as it bites his leg.
Pet baboons in ancient Egypt also knew how to pick fruits, and dance, and even better, make beer!
Their owners loved them so much that some mummies were found with tattoos and artworks
of baboons. Hmm. I might want a baboon to help me around the house. So, what do you think? Did we
miss any of the weird social norms of Ancient Egypt? And would you like to walk, and talk,
and live like an ancient Egyptian? Maybe have your own monkey make you coffee in the morning? Tell us
in the comments! Do not forget to smash that like button. Oh and thanks for watching Nutty History.