(VCR SOUNDS)
(MUSIC WINDS UP)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Chica : "Nice dick Tyler, can I smell it ?"
Jim : "Every resident of the Metropolitan Zoo has died. And now for the weather. Jim?"
Jim : "Thanks, Jim. As you can see behind me it's...
3:37 in the afternoon..."
(LIPSMACK) Dry...
Jim?"
Dr.Iplier : "I'm Dr. Iplier.
I'm sorry.
You're dying."
(SUSPENSFUL MUSIC) Ethan: Oh, shit.
(ROCK MUSIC)
Think she cares? Nope. Bad DOG.
Chica : "Littering is awesome." BAD DOG.
[SMASH]
[Arms of the Angels - Kaylie Gunn]
*crying Markimoo*
*Markiplier's live subscriber count showing*
*crying Markiplier*
Jim : Mountains: the secret killer? And now for the weather. Jim?
Jim : Jim, I'm currently in the center of the sun... uh...
It's hot! That I can tell ya...
Still dry...
Jim?"
NARRATOR: Are life's crushing responsibilities keeping you glum?
Well look no further than BUBBLES™!
That's right, bubbles can solve all of life's problems!
Parents divorcing? Bubbles!
Crippling depression? Bubbles!
Did your wife leave you? Bubbles!
Realizing that maybe bubbles aren't the solution to all of your problems?
(laughing) Bubbles! You can't beat bubbles. (sobbing)
(sobs)
Order your bubbles today, call 1-888-BUBBLES! That's 1-888-BUBBLES!"
[Mark making beautiful music with his mouth. The most soothing for sure]
Narrator : You loved hearing Mark's delightful mouth sounds in
"Markiplier Warms Up for 5 Minutes."
Introducing MarkBop!
You can hear Mark using his undeniable talent
to recreate your favorite songs from the 90s right into your ears.
Bringing you such songs as:
"Livin' la Vida Loca."
[Mark making mouth sounds to "Livin' La Vida Loca"]
Mmmmm. "Barbie Girl."
[Mark making mouth sounds to "Barbie Girl"]
And who can forget Oasis' classic: "Wonderwall?"
[Mark making mouth sounds to "Wonderwall"]
Mark : "Whoa! Hi."
DR. IPLIER: "I'm sorry.
[Suspenseful music] You're dying."
[Suspenseful music] MARK: "Uh. No. Huh? What?"
Narrator : And welcome back to "Disc of Riches!"
Wilford Warfstache : "Whoa!
Welcome back to the final round, everybody.
We've made it here after a long time, everybody else is dead and gone,
but you guys have survived!
We got blue boy in third place with
4,321 dollars!"
[Audience clapping, Warfstache laughing]
Wilford Warfstache : "We got Lady Denim over there with $6,823!"
[Warfstache gasps for air]
Wilford Warfstache: "Oh. And bringing up the big guns is
the big man in the stupid vest.
It's Mr. $10,228!"
Tyler/big man in the stupid vest : "Whoo!" Wilford Warfstache : "Oh. Good for you. Good for you.
I don't even care about your names, but I know that you're in first place
which means YOU get to have a chance to solve this puzzle,
unless you want to try to, get another letter in there!"
Tyler : "Uh... I think I'm going to... I think I'm going to go ahead and solve this."
Wilford Warfstache : "Oh! LOOK AT THE COJONES ON THIS BOY HERE! Alright, go on."
Tyler : Um... "Do it...do it... come on kill me... i'm here... come on... Do it now kill me !"
[Contestants chatting in background] Wilford Warfstache : "Alright, if you say so.
I mean, that makes sense to me."
[gunshots, screaming]
[THUD]
[audience screaming]
Wilford Warfstache : "Where'd you go!? What's going on!?
What!? Hey! He asked me to--
[more gunshots] He asked me to do it!"
[♪ ♪ ♪]
Kathryn : "YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS" Wilford Warfstache : "What are you talking about!? He asked me to do it!"
Kathryn : THAT WAS THE GAME! YOU CAN'T KEEP KILLING CONTESTANTS!
Wilford Warfstache : "No, no, no! He said "Kill me, kill me now!"
[♪ ♪ ♪]
Ethan : "Honey, I'm home!"
Dr.Iplier : "I'm sorry."
Ethan : "No."
[Suspenseful music] Dr. Iplier : "You're dying."
[Suspenseful music] Ethan : "No." [flowers drop]
Jim : "And all of the badgers thankfully died. And now for the weather. Jim?"
Jim : "Thanks, Jim.
Seems like Santa Claus might not be coming to town this year,
as you can see, all of his reindeer have burst into flames,
uh... due to global warming... uh...
Who'da thought Al Gore was right, that son of a bitch, so...
Pitchforks set the ready! Let's go to his house. Jim?"
[♪ ♪ ♪]
Narrator : "Are you constantly haunted by the ghosts of everyone that you killed
and maybe you think that it was you that was the problem
and it wasn't just a misunderstanding where you were trying to tickle them with a knife?"
[Mark making mouth sounds]
Mark : "Help me."
[Mark making mouth sounds]
♪[Warfstache making mouth sounds]♪
Wilford Warfstache : ♪ I killed Santa Claus! ♪
♪[Warfstache making mouth sounds]♪
♪No presents for the children of the world!♪
♪[Warfstache making mouth sounds]♪
♪ Bang. Bang. ♪
♪[Warfstache making mouth sounds]♪
♪ Slept with your wife ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm talking to you, Jerry ♪
♪[Warfstache making mouth sounds]♪
Wilford Warfstache : "So, what do you think?"
Ed Edgar : "Well this is bullshit."
[Overlapping arguments between the personas]
Wilford Warfstache : "Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Warfstache has taken enough of this shit from you guys.
Look.
This is an opportunity that can't be missed.
It's... for everybody! Not you.
And it's going to sweep the nation so
listen to old Warfie 'cause... uh...
Wilford knows what's best."
Darkiplier : "Look, Wilford,
I appreciate what you've done for us.
But how is this supposed to help us take back control?
We are the heart and soul of this channel after all."
Googleplier : (stuttering and glitching) "I feel li-i-ike we deviviated from our primary obje-ective.
If we are to get ba-ack on track we need to re-reassign our goals and unify into a singular strategy."
Ed Edgar : "Well I think we're missing the bigger picture here!
I was promised a 30-second spot!
Now where was it? I got barely five there, and I know how to count to five.
I know how to count to a good deal, if you know what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
No? Alright, fine. *mumbles* fuck you"
Bim Trimmer : "Look, I think everyone's overlooking the most important detail here:
I was supposed to be the host of that gameshow segment. I mean, I'm Bim Trimmer."
Silver Shepherd : "I know I took a break from fighting crime for a while to pursue a job in entertainment,
but this isn't what I had in mind, considering I actually wasn't in that."
Wilford Warfstache : "W-what are you talking about?
This is revolutionary!
It's gonna change everything we know about television,
trust you me." [Warfstache laughs]
Dr.Iplier : "Listen, guys. I'm a doctor.
I- I know what's best, and it wasn't actually that bad. It featured my ideas quite well.
And I came across as a very professional and handsome actor.
So I say we keep it-"
The Host : "The camera shifts over to the Host who continues to talk about the situation and then it pans over to the next person--"
[The Host talking in the background] Ed Edgar : "Uh... I know this is off topic, but I still need to sell my son.
I'm willing to go for 10% off... of the whole price. Go back all the way to 10%.
Take 90 off actually, if you could just..."
The Host : -asks for the opinion of septiplier.
[Ed Edgar sighs]
King of the squirreIs : "uh...
I'm King of the Squirrels."
*calm background music still playing*
Darkiplier : Look,
Wil, I respect you,
I always have.
But you're missing the point of this endeavor."
Wilford Warfstache : "Alright! Alright! OKAY!
God.
[Warfstache sighs]
Now what do you think, Septiplier?"
Septiplier : KILL ME! KILL ME!!! (What the heck is going on back there ?) ( SEPTIPLIER AWAY ! )
Wilford Warfstache : (laughing) "Alright. Whatever you say, you little scamp."
[Warfstache laughing]
[gunshot]