Welcome.
Guys, on the show tonight, we got Leighton Meester,
Taran Killam, Brad Garrett--
cast of Single Parents, all here.
-(whoops) -(cheering and applause)
All right, enough about them.
Here's what everyone's buzzing about today.
Uh, today is Fire Prevention Day.
So please wait until tomorrow to play my mixtape.
Give us a sample. Give us a sample.
Just a bit of a...
♪ Beep-bop, beep-bop ♪
♪ Beep-ba-doop-ba-doop. ♪
It's dope, too. I hope it's not Dope Prevention Day.
Season ten of The Walking Dead had its lowest ratings ever.
The problem is, in my humble opinion,
is, ten seasons in, the zombies are full,
and, uh, they're just walking around bloated,
going, "Too much food. You know what?
"I feel sick.
-I just don't..." -GARRETT: Dave, I have an idea.
-Oh. -Try this standing up.
(laughter)
So (bleep)ed up.
Brad!
I got to stay in frame.
Sorry.
There's gonna be a lot of height humor on this episode.
I can feel it.
Airbnb is now listing the Goodyear Blimp
as an overnight stay.
So far, they've had offers from football fans
and ISIS.
MEESTER (laughs): Oh.
They're just pouring through the offers.
Uh, University of Kansas officials apologized
for Snoop Dogg's stripper-filled performance last weekend,
saying he promised it would be more family-friendly than usual.
Going by the C-section scars,
the strippers all did have families.
-(laughs): Oh! -Yes.
Yes!
-Poor Leighton over there. -Stripper C-se-- Oh!
-Calm down! -They put me in the back.
A new PBS documentary had scientists debating
whether or not octopuses dream.
People with cancer are like, "Uh...
"so, that's what's going on over there nine-to-five?
Uh... Okay."
GARRETT: Yeah. Wow.
Like, who cares if octopuses dream?
That's the point of that one.
Um, in a national study,
chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis have reached all--
Right here!
That's it!
-What we call the trifecta! -Wasn't that...
Yeah.
And I feel amazing!
I mean, I don't dream like an octopus, but...
-it helps. It helps. -Too soon of a callback.
No, but wasn't that the working title of your show or not?
Uh, yes. Y-Yes, it was.
(laughs)
Jay-Z is hosting a blackjack tournament in Florida.
Last year, R. Kelly was busted when he hit on 15.
Leighton, you still want to be here?
Let's go before she leaves.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
Leighton is too nice to be here.
She shouldn't be on the show.
Uh, you're all from the same show,
which is unbelievable
that we got you all here at the same time.
-Isn't it incredible? -Crazy. Uh, and...
Have you seen the show?
Uh, it's on my, uh, uh, VCR.
Is that what people have? I don't know.
We're missing an HR meeting to be here.
-Oh, you are? You get to miss that HR meeting? -Yeah.
We can go back and harass whoever we want.
Oh, my God, you're scot-free.
Now, what do you play? The dumb, what, dad?
Uh, I am the, um...
(clears throat)
I play the, uh...
I play the, uh-- the older dumb dad
with the, uh-- the three STDs.
And, uh, I play, uh, uh...
A-Actually, um, am I still on the show?
-Oh. I-I... -Depends on how this goes.
-Yes, exactly. -So, since it is Yom Kippur...
-Just want to make... -Yom Kippur?
You gonna take a shot at my people now, David?
Is that how it's gonna be? I shouldn't even be here
with the lights on!
-(applause and cheering) -There's no driving. I walked.
I walked from the studio!
Um, since it is Yom Kippur,
I want to talk about Drake just for one second.
Uh, Drake says he's hurt by his father's claims
that he lied about him being a deadbeat dad. Uh...
-That guy-- no way. -Well, he sure doesn't look like one.
-Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah.
There's-there's no guy... There's no way he was around.
I think we know where the child support's going.
(laughter)
-You know you're probably... -California raisin.
You know you're probably not a great parent
if you dress like a background dancer
from the "Smooth Criminal" video.
(laughter, applause)
SPADE: That's true.
I also love that he's sticking with the fedora, you know?
-Yeah. -Everybody...
He's like Indiana Jones,
but instead of fighting Nazis, he fights child support.
(laughter)
-Wow. -Yeah. I was like, "Is this Cheech or Chong?
I don't know."
-It's a funny outfit. -I think he's Grimace.
That guy's got a second, third and fourth family.
-KILLAM: Yeah. -SPADE: Yeah, I feel like there's a lot
peppered out there, right.
Uh, if you own a purple suit,
you're probably playing either the Joker...
-KILLAM: Right. -...or you're a deadbeat dad.
I actually...
I had a deadbeat dad. Trigger topic.
Trigger, trigger, trigger.
-Oh, yeah. -We've heard the podcasts.
My dad-- I was four, Leighton.
-Mm-hmm. -Um, and, uh, he went out.
KILLAM: Talk about the gun stuff.
He went out for cigarettes, didn't come back, but...
-GARRETT: Uh-oh. -By the way, he did a commercial
with Drake, and they sort of played off their relationship.
Show this commercial.
♪ ♪
Hey, son. Hold my drink.
Nice turtleneck.
♪ Kind of crazy. ♪
Oh! That's great casting.
Oh. That's my home movie, basically.
They sampled your mixed tape for that commercial, right?
-SPADE: That is, yeah. -That's your beat.